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Incredibly funny, un-apologetic fan service, gorgeous animation with characters to root for and plotted by a surprisingly good prison thriller.

★★★★

My surprise of the year. What I first thought to be trashy fan service shocked me in every way. The funniest anime I’ve probably ever seen. Laughing out loud (literally) almost every episode. Characters that felt more real than most other shows. Fan service with animation quality and style I couldn’t get enough of. I felt compelled to buy the manga after finishing the 12 episodes.

I specified this review is for the dub because comedy is difficult to translate across cultures. That’s why visual ... or physical humor is more popular than a clever pun. The dub team clearly knew the fucking gold they had on their hands and played it up. The character VA’s sounded like a hentai dub but with effort. It was obvious the VA’s were having fun. I saw an episode in sub and, while it’s still good, it just doesn’t have that impact unless you’re a native moon speaker.

Speaking of hentai, the art style for the girls is fucking fantastic. Many times I just wanted to stop the video and unzip my pants. The tits, the ass, the proportions—just destroys your crotch. The character designs are more realistic instead of that moeshit. They look like real fuckin’ women. Not bug eyed little shits.

On being real, I gotta say it’s fucking refreshing to see male characters act like real dudes. It’s nice seeing guys being guys. Today you’ve got one guy to ten girls because you gotta have self-insert harem. But not here. They’re teenagers exploding with hormones, and they wanna see some T and A.

The plotting in this show is more of a thriller than a show trying to be a thriller. I wanted these boys to get what they want. There’s none of that slice o’ life shit here. Every episode: something is fucking happening. You know what they want, you know what’s going on, and you want them to get it.

I couldn’t believe that the writing here is actually good because there’s one particular thing I noticed: when writing your character’s plot, it’s easy to let them succeed with much trouble. That’s bad writing. It’s your job as the creator to make trouble for your characters. That’s interesting. Going from Point A to Point B is a snooze fest. But going from Point A to Z to X to K to B is what’s exciting. The boys’ plans were constantly being flipped at every turn making each episode intense.

Look, this show isn’t some paragon of comedy. The premise is silly. There’s a whole scene dedicated to a poop joke. But if you hate on it because of that then fuck you and fuck your pretentious bullshit. Fun things are fun. I’m praying to the gods there’s a season 2.

A teenage Berserk. Revenge story with violence, tits, and dark fantasy, but dragged down by too many shounen cliches.

★★☆☆

I was at my local Barnes & Noble when the volume 1's cover caught my eye. It didn't have an attractive girl wearing "modest" clothing on the front like the others. No, right on the cover was the face of a mean looking elf. With wild hair style, red eyes, and a scarred eye. "The author is trying to make him look badass," I thought. There was a parental advisory warning. It was even shrink wrapped. Okay, it had my curiosity.

So I read the description. It's ... a revenge story. A lone warrior is set out to kill the--wait, what? The seven heroes? Now the manga had my interest. A revenge story with tits, violence, and under the guise of dark fantasy. Yes. I'll buy one copy please.

I had been itching for something new since I stopped reading Berserk. They were still on the boat when I left, but I remember Berserk vividly. It was very grim and depressing. A world of monsters and violence. Yet, you had a lone hero who was only human, but he was powerful enough to fight back. I wanted a new Berserk. I wanted a new Guts I could root for.

But no. Ubell Blatt turned out to be somewhat above average but falls under too many shonen, anime cliches. I stopped around volume 4. I did enjoy it, but it's not worth sinking anymore money into. The plot--while interesting enough--simply isn't so gripping that I'd throw another $20 at.

The hero has a somewhat unique design. He's a teenage elf with wild hair and a scar. But he falls into the all-powerful main character cliche. He's the power fantasy of a teenage male hero who can beat everything in his path. It leaves little room for suspense. His revenge motivation is good, though. I do want him to succeed, but it would've been a lot more interesting if he weren't so overpowered. He has the Afro Samurai problem. Neat idea, but the story sinks under the weight of an overpowered hero which leaves you bored. I couldn't watch Afro Samurai the second time without being bored to death. Can I please have a main character that earns their skill and isn't some gifted child genius?

I will say it's refreshing to actually see the main character be confident enough to have sex with women. I'm sick of teenage male heroes that have a nose bleed in front of any girls that look their way.

The artwork is okay. It's nothing special like Berserk or One Punch Man, whose art is particularly impressive. It's not bad. Just serviceable. The author has horrible same-face syndrome. The characters are either realistically drawn grown men or they're kids with anime face. The anime faced characters all look the same. Both guys and girls. It not only annoys me that all the important characters are teenagers when this supposed to be darker, more mature story but they also all have the same goddamn face. All the girls. All the guys.

You can also tell what the author is into. I'm talking fetishes. There are a lot of loli's and young girls. Even the boys are drawn very young which makes me wonder if the author has an obsession with youth.

Now, I said I was down for tits, violence, and dark fantasy, but that doesn't mean I don't want an engaging plot, a deep story, or interesting characters either. Ubel Blatt doesn't really have any of that. It has it here and there to keep my going but not enough. The revenge of revealing the seven heroes' past is decently gripping. The characters are interesting enough. There are some moments that were meant to be "dark" and "shocking" but it mostly comes off as juvenile. I'm not saying it should be Berserk. You can take the best qualities of another story and make it your own.

The first volume was decently interesting. Lots of action, monsters, magic, tits--great. Reminded me of Berserk. I hoped it kept up, but not really. Once the story found its pace it started devolving into a typical shounen. How many times have you heard "he's using THAT technique." Yeah, I'm talking about THAT kind of cliche.

Even the main character's "rival" is another gifted teenager. If you know anything about swordplay--hell, any skill at all--that it takes years to hone your technique. Whether its physical or mental, it takes A LOT of effort to even be decent at anything so it really takes me out of the story when I see another big eyed character that's beating grown men and women in their 30's or 40's. I can get behind one or two skilled teenagers but not a whole cast.

Overall, Ubell Blatt is a teenage Berserk. The main character is overpowered. The side characters are shallow and all look the same. The revenge plot is engaging enough, but not worth your money. The art is okay. It could've been a lot better if the author didn't let so many of his pet fetishes come through in the writing. There's even a bath scene with two nake girls fighting with swords. Come on.

This sequel succeeds in every way from the original Little Witch Academia.

★★★★

I almost want to break my personal rule of never passing out a 10/10 because this was so fantastic. Every minute of it was enjoyable. It’s obvious that the creators took immense care to maximize every second of this episode.

The characters are very expressive. Their designs are attractive. They’re all distinguishable and unique. The animation is fluid and full of energy. The magic is creative and fun to watch. It’s surprisingly funny. The plot and what’s at stake is made clear from the beginning to let you know what the goal is so ... you can easily root for them. There’s nostalgic scenery which makes you feel like a kid again. Every frame has something interesting to look at.

The Enchanted Parade hits every mark. It's immensely charming and leaves you craving for more. It’ll be a long time before another episode, but I can’t wait.

- Deliberately slow pacing.
- Bleak tone.
- Visually driven with little dialogue.
- Lots of questions raised, little answered.
- Needs patience.

★★☆☆

Sky Crawlers is a slow film. It can easily be mistaken for being boring, but there’s a very fine line between a slow film that’s boring and a slow that lets you stew in its world, in its mood, and in its subtle details.

I went into Sky Crawlers without seeing any trailers or reading summaries. I think that’s the best way to enjoy entertainment. I won’t lie. This can easily bore many people. I found myself struggling to stay focused because the film’s pacing is so deliberately ... slow. But that’s what I like about it.

There’s very little dialogue. There isn’t heaps of exposition. You’re thrown into the film with almost no clue of where or what year it’s taking place in. That’s a bold move because I’m so used to having other shows or films spoon feed you the exposition in the beginning. You’re left struggling to piece together what’s going on.

There’s a lot of subtle emotion and it’s done visually. For example, there’s a scene where a young woman comes into a male character’s sleeping quarter while he’s gone. She then kneels over and lays her torso on the bed and gently rubs her face into the sheets with a sad look on her face. My description sounds silly, but it really got across that she misses or is fond of the male character in some way. It’s rare for anime to simply let the visuals convey the scene when ironically anime is all about visuals.

What I like most about Sky Crawlers is the atmosphere. There are many scenes are that somber. There’s a quiet, distant feel to everything. It could be a character looking into the distance, it could be two characters sitting in an empty restaurant drinking. It’s this gloominess that the film invokes that I really enjoyed.

The film doesn’t tell you anything. There are so many questions that it raises but never seems to answer. What this place? Who are these people? What’s going on? Couple this with its deliberately slow pace and bleak tone, it’s a tough film to watch—let alone enjoy. But I without a doubt liked it, and it’s going to stay with me. Do I think it’s actually good? Not necessarily but it’s certainly unique. I probably wouldn’t re-watch it, though, but I do think as whole it’s a refreshing watch some a typical TV or film that shoves everything in your face.

I want to rate this higher, but I can't in good faith because its unconventional in its qualities. But I will say that if you're patient and looking for something different then try this.

- Unbearably cliché and boring.
- Feels like it was written by a teenager by the way it treats sex and violence.
- Extremely inappropriate clashing of tones between violence and humor.
- A chore to read.

★☆☆☆

I saw a promotional image for the upcoming anime. It showed two tough guys and an attractive woman. Then I read up a description and thought it sounded kinda cool. But it turns out to be just so fucking cliché and boring.

I gave it 3 chapters. I know first episodes, first scenes, or first chapters can be shaky because the creator is trying to find their pace. But I ... wasn’t even finished with chapter 1 before it felt like a chore to read. I held out hope for the other 2 chapters, but they were just as boring.

What’s wrong with it? Honestly, the story so far seriously feels like it’s written by a teenager. It comes off as trying so hard to be cool and slick with its violence and mature nature. But then you have an ENORMOUS clash of tone with its extremely inappropriate humor and goofy characters.

The characters are so one-dimensional it hurts. The only interesting guy was Nick the swordsman because he talks with sign language. That was kinda cool. But everyone else is so cardboard. The way they talk and the dialogue is so dry. The writer clearly never had the script vetted by another critic. He obviously didn’t have anyone straight up tell him, “Dude, this is fucking boring.”

The art is fine. Backgrounds are very minimal. The details are in the character designs and props. I was expecting it to be more serious. If you’re going for mature themes then actually treat your material seriously. Don’t have one moment a guy getting his head cut off then the next panel one of your characters goofing off and making faces. It absolutely destroys the tone.

Aside from the guy that talks in sign language, not ONCE did I feel this manga was bringing anything new. Seen it all before.

It’s shit.

★☆☆☆

I began this show back in November 2014—and I’m still trying to finish it… even though it’s only 12 episodes. I’m in the middle of episode 12, but I can’t bring myself to finish it. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about you, Tamako, or your friends or whatever mundane crap you’re doing. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? There’s nothing to care about.

Tamako Market is about a cute girl (Tamako) that works in a mochi shop. She has cute friends, she has a cute sister, and she lives in a quaint neighborhood market. She goes to school, she talks with a guy ... that has a crush on her, and she has a talking bird.

By the way, the talking bird has more screen time than any of those little dipshits in the show. He’s flamboyant and has some passion. His dialogue is decently interesting. He’s probably the best character because everybody else is bland moeblob.

Slice-of-life is not a bad genre. No genre is unless you’re doing “Magical Girl Sports Military Harem Fighting Furry Adventures.” I’m gonna throw out this original, patented thought and say King of the Hill is one of the best animate slice-of-lives out there. I’ll even put in those Nickelodeon cartoons like Hey Arnold!.

Why? Because every episode gives you something to care about. It has plot and character development. The most basic definition of SOL is anything episodic without a main story, but it still needs to follow the rules of good writing. Every season of King of the Hill is Hank selling propane (and propane accessories), Peggy being a bitch, and Bobby being a little shit. Hey Arnold! is Arnold solving everybody’s problems whether they want him to or not. In Tamako Market, there are no conflicts for me to care about. Nothing. That's why Tamako Market is so boring, and took me 6 months to get through.

So does this garbage have any redeeming value? Well, it looks fantastic as do all KyoAni shows. The animation is colorful and bubbly. The characters are cute. It always puts me in the mood for mochi.

But what went wrong? It’s the sheer lack of anything to care about. The characters are actually decent. It’s just that without any conflict there’s nothing about them to root for. The closest thing that resembled a conflict was one of Tamako’s friends couldn’t come up with a dance routine for school and she spent the episode hiding it. If this plot sounds familiar then a Saturday morning cartoon has probably done it and better.

Cute girls, but nothing to care about. Another painfully boring slice-of-life.

Spectacular action, but it has no depth because of an an unlikeable, overpowered main character.

★★☆☆

There’s another action anime flick that Afro Samurai probably took some inspiration from, Ninja Scroll. I was a teenager when I saw Ninja Scroll. It gave what I wanted: fast paced action with lots of violence and tits. It wasn’t until years later when I re-watched Ninja Scroll that I realized no matter how good looking the action is, it’s shallow without the weight of good characters and story.

Afro Samurai has the same issue. I loved it on my first viewing. Now years later, I re-watched it to see if it ... still lives up, but the same lesson still holds. Action without meaningful characters and story is boring. Action isn’t actually about what’s happening on screen. It isn’t about the bullets flying, the cars exploding, the swords swinging; it’s the conflict between the characters and story.

There will be - SPOILERS - but Afro Samurai has very thin story and characters anyway so you aren’t missing out. It’s worth analyzing why it could’ve been better because the material is already there for a great story, but it doesn’t execute well.

The premise is that Afro, the main character, seeks revenge for the death of his father. He lives in a medieval Japanese fantasy setting mixed with some modern technology. His father’s killer wears the #1 headband, a symbol of power. Whether the power is real or not isn’t important. It’s that you need the #2 headband to challenge the #1. Afro sacrifices his friends and master for revenge. But the story isn’t about him obtaining the #2 headband. He already has it. It’s just one long walk to see #1; fighting along the way with flashbacks about his childhood.

The theme of Afro Samurai is what will you sacrifice for revenge? Afro kills his master and lets his friends get butchered. He chose revenge over everything. The problem then is that Afro himself isn’t an interesting character. Afro is the strong, silent type. But he’s written so one-dimensionally that he ends up un-likeable. It’s hard to care about his quest for revenge. He speaks a few lines and has little personality.

For us to care about someone who was willing to let his friends die so he could have his revenge, you NEED that character to be likeable. The show takes place after he’s already “cast aside his feelings” for revenge when it should’ve been about the process of it. We should’ve been seeing him give up his humanity for revenge. His childhood flashbacks don't help because they never paint Afro as anyone interesting. He's just as boring as a kid as he is now.

So because he’s such a boring character, everything else about him is boring. He’s so overpowered that it makes the fights dull. We should’ve had a character that was strong, but still struggled along the way. They try to keep things engaging by giving him a sidekick, but it should’ve been him that was the engaging character.

Add that with the fantasy physics then everything becomes a Saturday morning cartoon. They even try to make Afro look cool by having him smoke a cigarette after every fight, but it came off as lame.

The only good character is Jinno, his best friend. He was one of the survivors from Afro’s childhood friends so he has plenty of good reason to seek revenge. It’s ironic the person that’s most deserving of revenge and you end up rooting for wants revenge against the main character. If Afro himself was interesting then their fight could've been 100x more engaging.

The rest of the show isn’t too amazing either. All the colors are muted and gray so it becomes tiresome to look at. The villains don’t ever pose a threat and aren’t interesting themselves.

I liked that they kept the power of the headbands ambiguous. Did they really grant the power of a God? It added a level of mystery and didn’t take away from the theme of revenge. The action itself is great. You're given a buffet's worth. Overall, Afro Samurai is good watch the first time. Second time, not so much. You’ll be bored because the action has no depth.

Exciting thriller of two kids committing terrorism, but some questionable story decisions.

★★★☆

You ever finish up a show and think it’s the greatest thing ever? The post-anime high where everything is just amazing? Then you go on the internet to see what other people think. “Yep, everyone’s gonna say it’s the best thing since someone took knife to bread.” But then you see the 5/10’s and telling you that you have shit taste.

Oh.

To be fair, they’re kinda right. I’m sure the suckers who followed this weekly while it was airing were more and more disappointed by the direction of the story. I watched this in ... two sittings. The back-to-back-viewing covered up the flaws in the story since it’s a fast paced thriller, and only 11 episodes.

Zankyou no Terror is about two really smart kids committing terrorism. They plants bombs, they fuck with the police, and you’re wondering what their motive is. It’s a fun, engaging plot, but there’s one massive issue that really brings down the rest of the show. It’s the introduction on one character: Five.

- Very Mild (But Necessary) Spoilers -

The kids’ names are Twelve and Nine. Around the middle of the show you’re introduced to someone who knows them, Five. She’s working with the police and FBI to catch them, but her motivations are never clear. She’s crazy and does all these outlandish things which are immersion breaking like playing a giant game of chess at an airport. What the fuck? Fortunately, she’s not always on the forefront of the plot. There’s always something else to focus on, but she adds nothing to the story. Her Engrish is great though.

Plus, there’s another girl who you’re led to believe is important, but she never amounts to anything either. I thought she was going to be an audience proxy for us to learn about the two kids. They even call her an “accomplice” to blackmail her into keeping quiet. But her story goes nowhere. Thankfully she isn’t a huge focus.

Aside from those major character issues, the rest of the show is really enjoyable. It has the best first episode I’ve probably ever seen. I’m a sucker for when anime has real world details. They use Macs to hack (because every terrorist is a expert hacker), they use BitCoin and TOR to hide their internet transactions, and you see people’s reactions Twitter. The soundtrack is fitting with some touching scenes. The animation is fantastic. The plot is always moving forward and really builds up near the end. Still a strong recommendation because at the very least it's an above average thriller, fast-paced enough to ignore the flaws, only 11 episodes.

Fuck Da Police/10

Fascinating, suspenseful. Parasyte leaves you craving to know more, and keeps you company with a charming creature character.

★★★★

Parasyte is the best anime of 2014 (and likely 2015). I say this with confidence.

The story is about parasitic creatures that invade human bodies, taking over the brain and replacing the person. Not “controlling” them, but straight up taking residence. Your main character (MC) gets a parasite, too, but the creature fails to capture his brain. The parasite ends up taking over his right arm giving that arm shape shifting abilities.

Turns out, the parasites are sentient creatures. The MC’s parasite gets a name: Migi. It means “right hand.” ... Instead of a being a monster, Migi turns out to be the best (and most adorable) character of the show. It’s not even a contest. He’s curious, he speaks his mind, he cares, he’s logical—he’s a little Spock. The MC himself isn’t too bad either. He has development: going from a wimp to getting a new haircut and a girlfriend—and being less of a wimp.

The plotting is addicting. You’ll learn more and more about the parasites. You’ll find yourself popping one episode after another to see what happens next. It’s 24 episodes, but they go by fast. If you weren’t forced to catch this weekly then you’re lucky. The rest of us suffered every week. The episodes seemed like they lasted 5 minutes a piece.

The action is engaging because there’s always this real possibility the MC and Migi could be killed by other parasites. They’re forced to strategize about their encounters. There’s no power of friendship to save them. Plus, the MC has to keep Migi a secret so the whole show has this fundamental layer of tension. They even have to grapple with moral dilemmas.

The animation is good enough. It’s not particularly detailed or interesting to look at. It’s a faithful adaptation, but they should’ve added their own changes. It could’ve used more hand jokes with Migi. Some characters deserved more screen time. But these are all very minor negatives. Did I mention the awesome dubstep?

Good emotional payoff but not worth suffering through its mind-numbingly boring plotting.

★☆☆☆

Spoilers from here on, because this is less of a review and more analysis.

- SPOILERS -

I was told this show was going to be like Madoka Magica, and they were partially right. Except Madoka was great all 12 episodes, even the first three slow ones have replay value once you understand the full context. Madoka Magica is pitched as a magical girl show with dark tones and little cute girls suffering. Yuki Yuna attempts the same except I’m the one that’s suffering because it’s so boring. The emotional payoff—while fantastic—is NOT worth it.

Look, there’s ... only so much time and energy we all have. We work, we go home, and our free time is precious. I can work through my Steam library of 300 games, I can finish reading The Hunger Games, I can catch up on Breaking Bad, or I can watch some anime. Point is, there’s a million alternatives I can do which are far more satisfying.

The premise is that these girls are chosen to defend the world. They can transform to have magical powers, and they fight off monsters. Turns out there’s a cost. Who knew? I do not recommend this show to anyone. It drags on far too much, and it’s so boring you’re left numb. I was begging for something interesting to happen. The emotional payoff is good I’ll admit, but it’s not worth it. Furthermore, the girls can go into a second more powerful transformation to defeat the increasingly stronger monsters, but they suffer permanent damage to their bodies like going deaf, mute, blind or even losing limbs.

It’s this sacrifice that carries the dark undertone of the show, and it’s a fantastic story element. I’m sick of power ups with no cost. Oh, there’s a new stronger enemy? Lemme get in my hyperbolic time chamber and train and go Super Saiyan 4. This is how you get power creep. But the fact that the girls literally sacrifice life and limb for their powers makes the battles a lot more engaging. Unfortunately, there’s very little action until the end of the series.

These sacrifices are hidden from the girls until they find out which drives the emotional payoff. For example, one girl wants to be a singer but later (after using her secondary power up) she goes mute. Everyone thought their injuries would heal, but they soon realize that it's permanent. There’s a great scene where the older sister realizes this and breaks down. Before, there was a heartbreaking moment where the sisters were eating dinner in silence after earlier episodes showed them eating, talking, and laughing. It's a subtle but excellent scene with set up and payoff. One of my favorites from the show.

The character and enemy designs are so generic and bland. Not that Madoka’s character designs were much better, but they had enough style to make them distinct. Here the characters look like anyone else. The enemies aren’t threatening looking in the least. They’re masses of bland parts thrown together. Madoka’s witches had that surreal, nightmarish quality to them.

I didn't watch this constantly comparing it to Madoka Magica. The similarities are shallow at best. I let Yuki Yuna stand on it own. I WANTED to like this, but Yuki Yuna is just...

So. Fucking. Boring.

The characters themselves aren’t actually interesting at all. They’re just as boring as they look. The reason the emotional payoff near the end is so great is because of the story’s set up and not the actual characters. The elements and the plot details are there so when they click together it’s great.

For example, in the third episode there’s a new girl. She’s the tough, “I don’t need friends” kind of character. The other girls eventually throw a birthday party for her and she realizes the value of friendship. Shit like that. Later there’s a big battle in the middle of the show where she doesn’t use her secondary power up. This was before they realized the bodily costs of the second power up. This was early in the show and good set up.

Later, during final battle she goes all out and uses her second power up over and over. She fights the monsters while yelling about protecting her friends. After it’s done, she’s left blind and deaf. This was the payoff, and was very satisfying.

The pacing of the show is awful. It drags and drags. It doesn’t help the characters are boring, but the actual events in the show are dull slice-of-life. They eat udon, they hang out at karaoke, they go to the beach—it’s all so mundane. There’s nothing else happening. It’s all very linear. There are no subplots to keep it exciting. And this is most of the show. I constantly felt numb at how boring it was. I kept asking “When is this going to get better?” A good show should never make you feel numb.

I kept track of how each episode left me feeling and 7 out of the 12 episodes I’ve watched were terrible. Fucking seven. That’s 58% of the show that’s shit.

- Would you watch a movie where half of it was boring?
- Would you read a book where half of it was a chore?
- Would you watch a TV series where it doesn’t get good until halfway through the season?

Absolutely not. Worse, you can’t skip the episodes either because through the boredom they sprinkle in details as set up for the later payoff. The boring episodes develop the characters and sets everything up for later, but this doesn't mean the development itself was good. You still have to make the actual, minute-by-minute screen time of the characters exciting. Just showing them off and setting up by itself isn't interesting.

Now here's the worst part. After any investment you had in these boring characters, guess what? It's all ripped away by the final episode. All their sacrifices, all the damage to their bodies, the entire emotional drive of the show is made worthless. The mute girl talks again, the crippled girl can walk now, any blindness is gone—the emotional payoff that you waited for is given and taken away by a happy ending that wasn't earned.

So was there anything I liked about the show? Little details here and there. I liked the crippled girl in the wheelchair. She was my favorite because it was a novelty.

They use smartphones to transform so it makes it feel modern.

I was so bored I actually enjoyed the fan service, and I almost never do.

The animation is good enough. There's some nice jokes.

There’s actually a lot of subtle foreshadowing which I really appreciate.

There were moments that showed character emotions and intentions instead of using cheap monologue.

I don’t recommend this show at all. The emotional payoff is fantastic and satisfying, but it’s not worth it. I’d say because I was so bored that the payoff probably felt better than it should have. The show has hints of good writing when they set things up, but most of the plotting is so fucking boring and mundane you’re left feeling numb and exhausted. This should’ve been a movie instead.