Aug 21, 2008
STORY: 1
One shouldn't expect eye-opening narrative or intricate writing when faced with a vile creature that is the shounen filler movie, and yet...It still somehow manages to upset this barely tangible notion of "expectation". The "story" (if you can call a sequence of random, incoherent, completely disconnected events that) itself was even worse than the rest of these sub-par, money-milking, uninspired Naruto movies. I had more fun in the rectal exam room than watching this abomination take on it's convulsed shape.
The first 40 minutes felt like a REALLY long intro for the paltry five minute fight scene. Second half onwards, by means of exploring
...
the geopolitical implications of antagonizing Siberian tigers in a holistically constructed narrative, earth-shattering discourse is brought to the table. In a sense of "why is it here?"
Sorry, I just feel like the tiger played an essential role in this post-modern tragicomedy and should not be taken lightly.
(EDIT: Six years later the Siberian tiger still haunts my dreams on a nightly basis)
On a more serious note (naruto movies are serious business) - The ending and the upcoming "plot twists" could be seen from a mile away. (Literally, you could actually predict the plot while being a mile away from your screen. Yup.)
Well to tell you the truth the story was below yu-gi-oh! story telling standards. That's really as low as you can go. (EDIT: 6 years later - Unfortunately, that wasn't "as low as you can go")
ANIMATION: 7
Nothing out of the ordinary here. (Except for a shit-load of cash poured into multiple underwhelming five minute fights ridden with awful choreography). The overall quality was pretty high though, except I disliked the art style itself a bit. It seemed to lack consistency compared to the adapted canon material. The CG wasn't out of place nor overused. Nothing to write home about, but nothing to complain about either.
SOUND: 6
Sound was...average. Generally, Naruto tends to shine in the sound department.I won't go as far as to say I hated it, I simply didn't notice the sound at all. Not in the way that it seamlessly blends in with the environment, but in the way of simply not being there. It should inspire life to the bleak wasteland of abhorrent writing, just like during the original series. Though several musical scores were taken from the TV series, that's why it manages to score a 6.
CHARACTER: 1
Characters while trying to take themselves seriously, were more of a comedic relief than anything else.What this movie really lacked was the development of team Kakashi. Naruto being his usual dumb self, Sakura and Lee had as many lines as that Siberian tiger(!), which somehow managed to be incrusted into this mess of a story.
The "villains" were the laughing stock of the movie, their designs, voices, (and what's with the wannabe Jiraya wigs?) no backstory, no motives, no nothing.
With the intention of saving you the braincells (or remnants of the aforementioned if one has already managed to watch this "masterpiece") I'll spare you the details regarding the so called "character development" Well, OK, I'm just being coy. There isn't anything to spare actually.
ENJOYMENT: 2
The three things that make Naruto enjoyable are: the fights, world building, and character development. Fight choreography and composition were sub-par, any traces of character development non-existent. As for world building, it was beyond the scope of this one and a half hour uninspired filler movie from the get-go.
Naruto is all about enjoyment, and this movie had none. The word "painful" fails to describe what kind of fucking soul-wrenching, dimension-tearing, mahou shoujo tear-inducing hurt I was subjected to. I just kept begging either the movie or my life to end.
TRIVIA: -
After long and tedious work, me and my friend (yes, I needed backup) managed to count that the word "papa" was used forty-three times during the run time of one hour and twenty nine minutes of this movie. Which means you will hear the word "papa" accompanied by "dramatic" crying, on average, every two minutes and four seconds.
OVERALL: (~3.4) = 3
I am giving it a 3 and I consider this does justice to this masterpiece of modern cinema. Its lack of redeeming qualities even for a Naruto movie is really unbelievable. If you have some free time, and are bored as hell, just go and watch something more intellectually stimulating and enjoyable like...homeless dogs taking a shit on your lawn. Really, you have been warned. Watch this at your own risk.
Reviewer’s Rating: 3
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