Korrvo said: I'm going to allow myself to vent just one more time here, so if you don't want me to ruin your day, just ignore me
Well my favorite show of the season is over.
For some reason, I was expecting something to happen after I finished Yahari cause this show always got me thinking about things, like... maybe an answer would appear into my head or something, but unfortunately, I'm just as confused as ever. Everything is still the same and I still don't have an answer for any of it. I'm still stuck.
My college plans are still ruined, almost as life is laughing at me saying "No, you must stay there and suffer even longer!" I'm still an extravert without a social life, constantly having to deal with harsh, painful anxiety that disappears the moment I start talking to someone. Most of the people I used to rely on have still completely disappeared on me, because I wasn't lonely enough. I no longer have any form of escapism anymore, as all of my hobbies no longer satisfy or distract me, and I have no access to alcohol or drugs from my position, as much as I wish I could take them for just a little bit of relief...
And if things weren't bad enough, my mother is dying a slow and painful death. She was so selfless for her children that it put her on her deathbed, and she's not even going to live long enough to see the fruits of her labor.
Ever had that feeling where everything you have ever cared about, even your own ideals and future are being stripped from you in the most brutal way possible? That's a good way to explain how I feel right now.
Suicide isn't even an option. I'm still the same annoyingly optimistic fuck I used to be and I'll be tryin' till the day the I die.
But it's so frustrating to not even have the option to try.... Just have to sit back and watch as life passes you by, waiting for life to finally say, "Okay, you're allowed to try now." or, "Okay, now you're allowed to make a difference. NOW, you're allowed to show the world what you've got and finally be happy."
Sigh...
....I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess everyone here already has a large negative opinion of me by now so I figure just a little public venting won't change much.
Juuuuuust wanted to vent a little... that's all. Not expecting advice.. Not expecting pity (nor do I want it), but I just needed to get things off my chest somehow.
Korrvo said: I'm going to allow myself to vent just one more time here, so if you don't want me to ruin your day, just ignore me
Well my favorite show of the season is over.
For some reason, I was expecting something to happen after I finished Yahari cause this show always got me thinking about things, like... maybe an answer would appear into my head or something, but unfortunately, I'm just as confused as ever. Everything is still the same and I still don't have an answer for any of it. I'm still stuck.
My college plans are still ruined, almost as life is laughing at me saying "No, you must stay there and suffer even longer!" I'm still an extravert without a social life, constantly having to deal with harsh, painful anxiety that disappears the moment I start talking to someone. Most of the people I used to rely on have still completely disappeared on me, because I wasn't lonely enough. I no longer have any form of escapism anymore, as all of my hobbies no longer satisfy or distract me, and I have no access to alcohol or drugs from my position, as much as I wish I could take them for just a little bit of relief...
And if things weren't bad enough, my mother is dying a slow and painful death. She was so selfless for her children that it put her on her deathbed, and she's not even going to live long enough to see the fruits of her labor.
Ever had that feeling where everything you have ever cared about, even your own ideals and future are being stripped from you in the most brutal way possible? That's a good way to explain how I feel right now.
Suicide isn't even an option. I'm still the same annoyingly optimistic fuck I used to be and I'll be tryin' till the day the I die.
But it's so frustrating to not even have the option to try.... Just have to sit back and watch as life passes you by, waiting for life to finally say, "Okay, you're allowed to try now." or, "Okay, now you're allowed to make a difference. NOW, you're allowed to show the world what you've got and finally be happy."
Sigh...
....I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess everyone here already has a large negative opinion of me by now so I figure just a little public venting won't change much.
Juuuuuust wanted to vent a little... that's all. Not expecting advice.. Not expecting pity (nor do I want it), but I just needed to get things off my chest somehow.
One day I'm gonna wake up after being emotionally devastated the day before and I'll still have all of those negative emotions so I can actually take my own emotions seriously instead of having them just be "in the moment".
what do I blame
hormones
going with that
SIGH
☕ Truth be told, I'm quite proud of my house blend. To attain my flavor and fragrance, I use five different types of coffee beans. ☕
Korrvo said: One day I'm gonna wake up after being emotionally devastated the day before and I'll still have all of those negative emotions so I can actually take my own emotions seriously instead of having them just be "in the moment".
what do I blame
hormones
going with that
SIGH
I think you should eat food to comfort yourself. It is a good friend.
