New
Feb 20, 2020 4:12 PM
#51
| Very good points, I hastily retconned chapter eleven and I can see I missed quite a few things>.> thanks for the advice, I'm defiantly going to revise that chapter, but I'm gonna scrutinize this nezt chapter before then |
Feb 21, 2020 9:58 PM
#53
| Ch 12 let thy valkyries fly I woke up in another infirmary bed, staring up at a wooden ceiling. My head was splitting and my gut felt bruised. I sat up, making my head throb with pain, but I could move at least. "Good, you're awake" ala said to me. She was sitting by my bed, and she had had a worried look on her face. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my head, pulling me against her chest. "Thank the lords, I didn't know what was wrong… I… I just saw your eyes..." She said trailing off as she ran her fingers through my hair. "Wanna talk about it?" She asked, leaning back in her chair. "It's alright if you don't" "No, no its fine" I said, laying back down. "It happens sometimes, we call it ptsd back in my world, it's like… a relapse of a traumatic event, of sorts. Symptoms vary, but it's common among those of us in the armed forces.we were on a patrol, standard excursion outside the wire… we weren't expecting some woman to hit us… i don't think anyone does….she killed sergeant Haupt and Finn in the…” the sudden urge to vomit came up as i recalled those images, they weren't pretty thoughts. That incident in particular left me in some dark places, and was eventually why I left the service. “Just… don't worry about it” "What do you mean don't worry about It! I'm very worried!" She growled, looking like she might come for my throat. I tried to get some words in to calm her but she would have none of it. "Am I supposed to just sit by and watch as-" She said practically screaming now. "No." I said, cutting her off. "but unfortunately there's not much you can do… I don't know what exactly set that off… but it shouldn't happen too often, especially not when I have others around." I explained to her "Then why the hell did it happen back there!" She retorted angrily. "I don't know… that's the first episode I've had in... at least a year, so… I don't know what brought it on." I admitted. I sank into the covers "Well… is there any way I can help snap you out of it once it starts," she asked, leaning forward calming down a little. "A kiss perhaps?" I asked with a smirk. "Clearly you're well enough to crack jokes" she scoffed, a playful grin on her lips "here I was about to call off the bet." She giggled. "No no, you won that one" I assured her, getting a 'wait what' face from her. "Besides watching is pretty hot too" I chuckled, eliciting a giggle of agreement from her. "Think you can walk?" She asked, offering her hand to me. "Yeah, I should be alright" I said, taking her hand and swinging my feet out from under the bed. An angel with a nurses outfit that was definitely a size or two too small for her voluptuous body entered and smiled when she saw I was up. "Wonderful" she said "he should be good to go" she said, waving us out the door. It was dark out now, I appeared to have been unconscious the whole day, we had just gotten there in the mid-early morning. "Was I really out all day?" I asked, looking down at her with a glare as she wrapped her arms around mine. "Two actually" she said, looking away with guilt. "You could have held back with that last hit, you know" I said with a sigh. "I could have, but I didn't know what was wrong so…" she started "So you hit me as hard as you could?" I asked looking down at her with raised eyebrows. "No! Only half as hard as I could" she said with a nod "And that put me out for two days?" I asked dumbfounded "You humans are weak" she said with a shrug "Right…" I sighed in defeat as we walked towards the town square again. “Are you really okay? Want to talk about it?” she asked suddenly, a worried look on her face again. “I'm fine, I am, just some bad memories from when I was in the army. If anything you jsut being here is a big help” I told her, resting my hand on her head. "So what now?” I asked” she was moving towards the longhouse in the center of the town with purpose. Cheers and other noises that would accompany a feast. “Well, I have found a buyer for our venom, 40 gold per vial.” she said, pushing open the door to the longhouse. It was, as I suspected, a feast, with the men and angels sitting around long tables drinking mead and making merry. There were valkyries serving the men in the nude, and I realized the Valkyrie who had lost the other day was among the servers, as was the one that acted as a referee for some of the fights. She was looking around and her eyes lit up when she saw ala and me. She confidently strode forward, paying no heed to her immodesty. She wore a single gold pauldron and a robe that only covered one breast, trailing down the side of her body to reveal her nethers from the front. Her shapely legs were covered by a pair of white stockings and plated boots over them “Hey you two, please, come this way” she said beckoning us with a coy grin. “Losers of the duels serve the winners for the feast, and throughout the night” ala said, noticing my gaze. “Yeah, but… why are they all half naked? I'm not complaining, but ...” I responded, a little confused. My head still hurt from that hit and thinking on it was starting to make it ache ‘I should probably get that checked out by a doctor’ I thought, rubbing the back of my head where the pain was the worst. The Valkyrie led us to a mostly filled table and sat us down at the end. “I shall be back soon,” she said with a smile and a slight bow. I hadn't really been paying much attention to her until now, but she was quite stacked, but without her breasts appearing too big for her body. She had shapely hips that swayed as she walked, her wings fluttering to some tune she was singing in her head. “Who’d she lose to?” I asked. She had seemed pretty formidable before, even as the ref she looked almost like a sergeant watching her team train, which I realized was probably what the sparring was. “Me” ala said, beaming as she picked up one of the already full mugs. “Clipped one of her wings, i did” she said with a happy sway in her tail. I picked up my mug and brought it to my lips, expecting that awful stuff once again. I was instead met with the delightful taste of good mead, actually. I quickly downed that one and waved one of the servers over for a refill. “Also, rota there can teach you how to fight, she's a stallara in the army here in valhalla. Who knows, maybe we can get her to join us in our adventures… wherever that takes us.” she said with a smirk. “Actually, I want to settle down around here,” I said. It would be a great place for a sellsword group, the constant sparring would be good practice and they would be able to pick up more people that actually know how to use a weapon if they're from around here. Unfortunately ala dashed that hope. “That won't work, you cant li- correction, I can't live here, only humans and the angelics can.” she said, sadly taking a sip from her mug. “It's a damn shame, too. Strong fighters, best mead in Elizabeth, beautiful winged women, all behind the locked doors that are asgard. Asgard doesn't let non humans and angels live here, something about the purity or something” she said sadly, taking another drink. Rota came back with food for us at the same time as she spoke. “Well, there's an island to the south, a couple of men who picked up non angel wives moved there, they still come here a lot to practice their swordplay and stuff. Look, there's a group now.” she said, sitting down next to ala with a smirk as she pointed to the door. I looked over and about lost the food in my mouth. There were two human girls from the first cavalry, maybe not, but at least they were wearing desert multicam, an inari or yoko, and a large jinko… I think she was a jinko. “Ill… Ill be right back” I said to the two, getting confused looks as I stood up. I made my way to where the group was still standing, winding through the tables and people. They were discussing something with one of the valkyries, and hadn't noticed me yet. The first one to notice me was the jinko, and she put her hand on her sword when she saw I was heading for them. “Sergeant!” I shouted over the din of the feast, saluting as I looked at the chevrons on her shoulder. She had a crewman's helmet on, and a saber at her left leg, with brown hair tied up in a bun to go under the helmet. She was startled by my shout and turned to me on her heel. “Corporal” she said, returning the salute. She lowered her hand and I followed suit. “At ease. You have no idea how good it is to see you, corporal….” she said, her voice soft now, pausing for me to put my name out there “Watts, corporal blake watts” I said “and its former, corporal, been out for two years now, ma’am” “Why you back in uniform, soldier?” she asked, reverting to the stern voice from before “Out on a run, sergeant, getting back in shape so I took my old gear and went on a run. Don't know how I got here” I explained to her “I see… good to see you anyways, corporal, seems even out of the army the situation goes tits up, doesn't it?” she said, dropping into a more formal attitude. “It does indeed” I sighed. “Corporal madison drago, pleased to meet you” the other corporal said “And I am staff sergeant grace jacobs.” she said with a tip of her head. “How'd you end up here?” she asked, curiously. “How long have you been here? I have so many questions” “Ill answer that as we eat, please, come sit with us, I'll explain over there.” I said, pointing to the inari in snow camo and the naked Valkyrie next to her. The two nodded and pulled their companions along. I noticed the jinko had taken her hand off her sword, so that's good… I guess. She definitely didn't need a sword to kill me, and I was suddenly reminded of the strength difference between mamono and human. She stood at 7’2 or something, with a muscular body, but not so much that she didn't look femenine… well, that may have had something to do with the large breasts… she caught me staring and gave me a smirk before slowing down to talk with the Valkyrie that trailed behind them. I took my set next to ala and rota jumped up to go get more food and drinks for the newcomers. “So what's the deal with these four” ala asked, glaring at madison “Ah, these two are from my world… at least i'm pretty sure.” I told her, pointing to the two in question. “Aha, I was wondering why they were wearing similar clothes to yours,” she said, her face softening up. “Im ala, pleased to make your acquaintance.” she said, holding out her hand to the two. “Madison” madison said, taking her hand. She seemed more interested in the snowy camo than the girl wearing it… or that's what I told myself since her eyes never left alas chest. “Grace” grace said, taking her hand after madisons. “Pleasures all mine” she said with a smile. “Mn, how long have you two been here?” ala asked, taking a drink from her mug “A month or two” madison responded, stealing rotas mug as she wasn't here to stop her. “Oh this is good, grace.” she said with a giggle. “Want some?” she asked, taking another drink “Yes please” she said reaching for the mug. Madison pulled it out of her grasp, slipping between her arms to press her lips to graces. She tilted graces head back as drops of the alcohol spilled from between their lips and into graces mouth, though a few drops dripped down their chin as they kissed. “Oh I like her” ala giggled, taking another drink of her own mug. Rota came back with two large platters filled with drinks and food, setting them on the table and passing them out. She sighed as she sat back down and reached for her mug. She brought it to her lips, but nothing came out. She fixed a glare to ala as the most likely culprit, but she pointed madison out who was still making out with the wide-eyed grace. “This is why we don't let you people live here,” she grumbled as she stole madisons drink. “Aww, couldn't you make an exception for us” ala said with a giggle, draping her arm over rotas shoulders. “I did prove my worth you know~” she purred. “Thats only cause you were wearing armor and I wasn't” she said with a pout. “Oh stop complaining, in the end you still get laid, that's the whole reason you don't wear armor for this stuff,” she said, tracing a finger down her back to one of her wings. I turned my attention to the jinko, who seemed pretty unlikely to go into a makeout session with the fox. “So where are you four staying?” I asked her, finishing off my mead “In town? Were at the inn for the next few days, but we live on the island in the bay. We come here for training, lately those two have gotten quite good with a sword.” she said crossing her arms. “I could go for a sparring match” madison said, pulling back from her kiss with a smirk as grace struggled to catch her breath. “In bed” she purred, leaning on the table, making me suddenly aware of the tanned skin that was her cleavage. Where as I wore my shirt buttoned up, hers was buttoned down to the second button and the tan v-neck she wore under it was showing off her cleavage. I looked to grace but she had her shirt buttoned up but the collar down properly, and the tan t-shirt she wore underneath it was fit to the standard, unlike madisons “Unfortunately that will have to wait” ala said with a smile. “Blake here lost a bet, has to watch as I bed this adorable valkyrie~ no use if you just take him anyways” she said, running her fingers down rotas wings, getting a shiver from her. “Oh that's too bad,” she said with a sigh. “Perhaps you would appreciate another to join you two” she purred, climbing over the table and sitting next to rota, tracing her hand down her open back and along the other wing. Rota was now looking aroused and distressed as her wings fluttered in their grasp. “W-we should go to the inn for this” she said, glancing around at all the people. “Oh? You're that ready for us?” Ala giggled, standing up but not releasing her wing. She leaned in and spoke into the valkyries ear “my best friends a Valkyrie, I know how to use these wings” she purred loud enough for me to hear. She slid her hands along her wing again, eliciting a loud moan from her lips. “Oooh, teach me how to do that” madison said with a smile “With pleasure” she purred, pulling the Valkyrie off towards the door. I returned to my food, intent on talking to grace, but a hand pulling me up by the handle on my plate carrier. Madison had easily lifted me up by one hand and pulled me along. “W-what how” I stammered, unable to do anything about me holding me off the ground, despite me having probably a hundred pounds and a few inches on her. “Oh right” she said as if recalling something important “I'm no longer human” she purred as she drug me through the rows of tables. I had read of monsterification in the encyclopedia, it didn't go into the details of the how or why. That or I missed it in the skimming of the book. My mind flipped through four or five different possibilities, ruling out wights and elves. She didn't bother to let me walk as she pulled me to the inn, unceremoniously pushing me into a chair against the wall before joining the other two on the bed. lewd scene coming soon an - so im just gonna put this out a little early.... by like five minutes, that said this one had some issues, especially in the beginning, implementing character thoughts smoothly is hard, and this chapter shows it. this will probably be looked back on 4 or five more times, on top of the already planned rewerite of the other chapter. on a side note... mc isnt as in depth as i would like, he doesnt seem like a 3d character, though hopefully this chapter was better. |
venomwolfFeb 22, 2020 6:05 PM
Feb 23, 2020 5:47 PM
#54
| Some notes on this chapter: Descriptions are actually pretty good, particularly the details about the clothing. There were a couple of logic holes that took me out of the story when I got to them. 1. "Asgard doesn't let non humans and angels live here" -- shouldn't that be, "Asgard only lets humans and angels live here?" 2. The bit about Maddie and Grace having been on site for a month was confusing; their story segment suggested that they arrived after Blake did. Capitalization of names still isn't consistent. Be sure to do an edit pass specifically to look for frequently repeated errors like that. Are you doing multiple edit passes, btw? You should do at least two. Indicating inner monologue can be done with italics. Frex: "That dress looks great," I purred. And it would look even better on my bedroom floor, I said inwardly. |
tygertygerFeb 24, 2020 5:21 AM
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Feb 23, 2020 8:03 PM
#55
| I see, thank you, trying to stI'll implementioned these things, but it's hard>.> |
Feb 26, 2020 7:19 AM
#56
| I'm thinking about taking a small break to new chapters to fix old chapter issues, now that I'm mostly caught up with what I have saved over. Still can post new things, but it may be off schedule as I fix and rework previous things that I have thought of new things to do. |
Feb 26, 2020 2:17 PM
#57
| Looks like the angels here aren't as pure as they are depicted in other settings. Love it. BTW, for anyone wondering about the "serving clothes" these angels wear, this should give you a pretty good idea:  venomwolf said: Yeah, might be a good idea to do it now. The to-do-pile will only grow bigger and become more off-putting otherwise.I'm thinking about taking a small break to new chapters to fix old chapter issues, now that I'm mostly caught up with what I have saved over. Still can post new things, but it may be off schedule as I fix and rework previous things that I have thought of new things to do. |
MetallumOperaturFeb 26, 2020 4:11 PM
Mar 7, 2020 6:11 PM
#58
| an - so im on time today woooo, im also out of my backlog of writimg material, kind of hit a block reccently, but I think i know what i want to do and how to fix it Ch 13 - arctic foxes “So you didn't make enough to pull her out of debt then?” grace asked, taking a drink from the hot chocolate in her mug. It was expensive, but apparently she couldn't handle the bitter taste of the tea that Minori could make and she said it was too early for mead. I don't know where she got the cocoa from but mixed with holstaurus milk it was actually quite good. “That's correct,” I said, drinking some of the tea that grace couldnt handle. We were sitting in the bar of the inn we had slept at, eating breakfast and talking about our current plans. “Hmm… well, we know they did it through less than legal means, if what Ala told us is true… we could get the authorities involved?” grace suggested. “Won't work” but Ala shot her plan down “they've got a leash on the local authorities ... quite literally” she takes another drink of her tea with a downcast look. “We’ll get them back, don't worry” I said ruffling her hair. “You two are fighters, right? Why don't you just break them out?” the jinko asked, leaning back in her chair. “The collars they wear keep them in check. They fight back and it constricts, though we mamono are strong, we still breathe, you know?” she said. “Right but they can be unlocked.” I said, recalling the locks that were on the manticore’s collar “and I doubt they all have different keys, right?” I looked to Ala for confirmation. “Well, you'd be correct… and my father keeps the keys on him at all times… so… perhaps we could steal them from him?” she said, bringing her fist up to her mouth as she leaned back in thought. “You” she said suddenly pointing to madison. “Me?” she asked pointing to herself “Yes, he likes blondes, and seeing a human woman might get him to let down his guard. Though it would be better if there were someone with her, otherwise she might get snapped up herself.” Ala said, thinking about it. “I've got a few blondes in my unit, I can send one or two with her” rota put in. she had a large flagon of mead, even this early in the morning “Hmm, yeah that would work, but how do we get him to go to a secluded area” Ala asked, more to herself than others “Oh i'll handle that” madison giggled “Alright so we’ve got a plan, when do we do it?” I asked, leaning forward as they seemed to be done. “Well, not today, we need to pick up things for the village today, the old man can't barely walk, you know” madison said leaning back in her chair “Yeah, it's a shame he hasnt incubised yet” the inari said with a sigh. “Not like you'll reap any benefits from that” the jinko snickered “Can't be helped since he fights against it so” grace said. “I want to see him get better, but he's reaching the end of his life, and he won't push for incubisation” she said “Who’s this old man?” I asked them to become interested in their conversation. “Well, you know we aren't the first humans here, they've been getting pulled here for…. I don't know how long, but well over a hundred years, yeah?” she says, looking at me to make sure I follow “village chief was dropped out in the middle of the ocean, german fighter pilot from World War two” “No shit?” I asked, surprised. “How’s he still alive? I mean, surely he should be dead by now, especially with all these added stressors” “Mermaid blood is one hell of a drug” madison chimed in “Yeah yeah, anyways, he floats along through two days before land comes into view, at that point he’s too weak to swim to shore, so he thinks he's gonna die, when all of a sudden he’s jerked from something below and pulled towards the shore.” she says, pausing to take a drink. “Within minutes he's thrown ashore and an unagi joro follows him on land, and-” “Yadda yadda, he's been here a long time, you want to hear the full story ask him yourself” madison cut in, getting a glare from grace. “Right, I get it, sorry for being interested in the story” grace said, rapping on the back of madison's head with her knuckles “anyways, he's the only other military personnel that we've found, well, aside from you. Otherwise on the island are a collection of human men with non angelic wives that can't live here in valhalla, but want to get in on its culture, in a sense.” she went on to explain. “I see, that makes sense,” I said, taking another drink of the tea. “Mind if we come with you on the return trip?” I asked. Madison put her finger to her lips and thought about it. “Sure, for a price,” she said coyly, and I could pretty well guess what that price was going to be. “Right, we can do that after we’ve gone and run the errands we need to run” grace cut in, pushing madison back into her chair so she wouldn't crawl over the table to get me. “Aww, let me have some fun!” Madison pouted but that got her another slap to the back of her head. “No, we're going to look for spellbooks for you” she said “we've finally got enough to buy one, and you need to pick one out” she said, grabbing her by the collar and pulling her from her seat. “You already know what I want!” she retorted as she was drug away. “I apologise for their behavior” Minori said with a bow of her head. “If you wish, I can take you to the island right now, and they can go back with miss Lyra” she offered. “Yeah, sounds better than staying around here… sorry rota” she said suddenly looking at the Valkyrie as she said it “No offense taken, though I think I'll make a visit to my sister on the island as well” she said leaning back in her chair. “I'll have to catch a different boat as she's stationed at the outpost there." She stood and bid us goodbye as she left. “And then there were four” Ala sighed and sank back into her chair. She suddenly snapped back up “oh!” she exclaims “we need to continue your sparring practice” “Mn, I'm down for some movement” I agree standing up. “You won’t… have another... episode? right?” she asks, concerned in her eyes. “no, probably not anyways. They tend to go away for a while after they happen… don't ask me how it works cause I don't know” I said standing up. “Great, we’ll finish off that fight, why don't we, your one loss” she says standing “That's not a fair fight, but it'll be good to watch” Minori says, picking up her drink and following behind Ala as she leaves “oh! Put this on the table please” she passes me a note that says where we went. “Would it be alright to ask to take the winner?” Lyra asked, standing and stretching her powerful muscles, bones popping audibly as she did. “I don't,” I replied as I followed the three women outside into the early morning show that was falling again. It was hard to determine the season due to the constant snow this place had, but Ala had told him it was winter and he had no reason to not believe her. After the intense training session and more than a few bruises, I was pretty much spent, all that exertion and not a single hit on Ala or Lyra, either. Well, I guess If I handed either of them a gun, they wouldn't be expert marksmen on the first try. I sighed as I rest my head against the wood that made up the longship we were on, gently rocking in the waves. Sea was not my preferred way of travel, but… it wasn't bad, at least. I looked over the deck of the ship, there were crew scurrying around and doing… ship things, don't ask me, I don't know what that's called. Oh wait, she's tying a knot, so that's one thing I know. I thought to myself as I looked back over the crystal water and the island as it was coming closer. Within the next ten minutes we were docked, and the Valkyrie crew laid out a board to cross over to the wooden dock. I jumped over onto the dock and Ala tossed our bags over to me. I caught them and put mine over my shoulders as she jumped over. I gave her the bag which she slung over her shoulder. Minori took the more dignified way of actually using the plank and Lyra followed us over the edge. “My my such barbarians, cant even use a plank” Minori giggled, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth as she came to stand next to us. “Where shall we go first?” “Well… I'd like to get him some better armor… but that would be better done back on the mainland…” Ala said lapsing into thought “after that we need a pla- ah?” she stopped halfway through her sentence as Minori tapped her on the shoulder. “Actually we have one of the better smiths here, an incubus from… -ang-land or something- and his minotaur wife. He makes wonderful armor and weapons… I'm no smith so I can't really say what he does is anything new or not… but he did these for me” she said, reaching into her satchel and pulling out a cloth wrapped bundle. She unfolded it and pulled out a shiny set of medical tools. They seemed dated, perhaps from around 1945 or so, they weren't the same as the field surgeon's kit i had on my right side. They were well made however, and he could tell the person that made them did so with care. “When we get back, remind me to show you what I have,” I said. I had my military issued IFAK-2 and medical stuff plus my personal medkit in my bag that held more over the counter items and larger capacities of what the ifaks held. Then there was the field surgeon's kit on my bag as well. “And are there any doctors here?” “You're talking to her” Minori beamed “they had one here but… well her practices were really outdated and she left as soon as I set up shop… dunno what that was about” she said “I'll show you my clinic as I show you around” she said, her four tails dancing in pleasure as she spoke. Ala leaned in and whispered something into her ear and Minori giggled. “Yes we can do that too” she purred, glancing at me. They were planning something, what exactly, I didn't know, but something was afoot… I mean it's quite obvious. “Right, we should get off the docks” Lyra said as she pushed the girls out of the way of the other people. We made our way off the docks, and I looked around the small village. There were wooden houses in loose rows, leading up to a large longhouse that most likely stood as a town hall. Signs and boards hung off some buildings, as people walked around looking at them and doing their shopping. It looked like the typical viking towns you saw in fantasy media, but, I guess it probably was meant to look that way… I looked down the shoreline of the rocky island and there was a second, more run down dock along the rocky coast, right where it started to blend into sand. I followed the direction of the docks and it led to a run down fortress, maybe the size of a medium sized school, if I were to compare it to a modern building. It overlooked the town, set atop a small rise, with various lanes of fire and a good view of the ocean. “Hey Minori, what's that?” I asked pointing over to the rundown fortress “That used to be the outpost on this island, it's why this village is here, recently it's more of a grain storage… though that was moved to the outskirts to the south, so… hmm… we’ll check it out, i'm sure they won't mind” “Hmm, looks like it would be interesting” Ala said. “I'm more interested in the possibilities, it's a little run down, but if we keep up with this sellsword idea, that” I said pointing at it “would be a nice location” Ala put a gloved hand to her chin and thought about it “Hmm, yeah, it would be a good place, right here between two cities, one of which is great for training, not to mention the tactical value of being able to see what's coming into the bay…” “Sellswords?” Lyra asked, cocking her head to the side. “Those two were talking about doing something similar to get some money…” Lyra lapsed into thought as they walked. There was a calling of a name that was heard over the crowd, but we paid it no mind, not until a distinct “Lyra” snapped her out of her thought. “Lyra!” a valkyrie was running up to us with a smile “you're back early… and who are these two?” she was maybe 5’9 and had shoulder length hair in the front, the back of which was long and fell past her shoulders. She had creamy white skin and large golden eyes. Two magnificent golden wings sprouted from her lower back, just under the backplate of her tan-colored half plate armor. She had a spear in her right hand and a shield in her left. “These two are Blake and Ala, an inari and a human from Earth” Lyra supplied as a second valkyrie came up. She was tall, taller than me, not as tall as Lyra… maybe 6 '7. She had dark tanned skin that was strained by the muscles underneath, but she wasn't exactly at bodybuilder levels of muscle. Her eyes were a deep violet, sharp and appraising as she stood a step closer to me than the other valkyrie. Her white wings were larger and sat on her shoulders, each feather was maybe the size of my forearm. Her hand was on the hilt of her sword as she strode up. "Good morning" she offered to the both of us "where are grace and madison?" She asked, looking around. "Still looking for a book" Minori answered. "I see" came the simple response as she turned to me. "I'm Odis, nice to meet ya" she said with a grin behind her silver winged helmet. She held out her hand and I took it “Savis” the one in golden colored armor said, holding out her hand to Ala. Ala took it and shook it as well. Odis didn't let go of my hand, and instead flipped it over to look at my sleeve. “Huh, interesting clothing…” She compared it to her own. “It blends in well with the snow, wonder how it would go with...” she trailed off as her eyes flicked over to ala. She studied her for a moment then looked down at her own clothes again. “It would work quite well actually” she seemed to be lost in her own little world, so i gently pulled my arm away, causing her to quickly pull her arm back “I apologise” she said meekly before turning to savis. “Should we let the chief know he has new arrivals? Or should we let them explore a bit?” “Let them explore, they look like they could use it” the valkyrie said glancing over us “drop by the guards post when you finish looking around, we’ll take you to the chieftess and chief, you can talk to them about any questions you may have.” she said “Have fun kids” odis laughed as they walked off. “Who were they?” I asked, watching the two leave “Odis and savis” Ala said plainly, laughing when i shot her a glare. “A cherrub and valkyrie that are part of the guards positioned here” lyra said, crossing her arms as she spoke "What's a cherrub?" I asked curiously "They are a rarer race of angeloid, often called guardian angels, they pick out a charge and protect them until the end of their lives, that'd be the short and sweet" minori said as she started walking. "Come, let us show you around" she said with a smile over her shoulder. Lyra easily caught up with her due to her size and ala soon followed with me in the rear “So this is our marketplace, though i guess that's kind of obvious” minori started, motioning to the stalls set up with more permanent buildings behind them. “We have our grain storage over there, it used to be up in that fortress.” she said as she led us through the town. “Next we have our small little hospital, my place of residence, and up there is the town hall and where the chieftains live.” she said pointing up towards a larger longhouse “Chieftains, plural?” ala asked tilting her head. “Well, chief plus the chieftesses, so yes” minori corrected herself “Ah yeah that makes sense” ala said “Then we have our smith there” she said pointing to a stone building “and our alchemist, annndd that's about it. Not really much here, kinda what you would expect from a small town like ours” “Mn… i do want to check that fortress out up there though” ala said pointing up to it. “Well, why wait?” minori said with a smile |
Mar 7, 2020 10:10 PM
#59
| Ladies and gents, we have a major milestone! This chapter marks the first official use of an honorary monstergirl in a story! And I'm doubly pleased that it was one of mine. I look forward to seeing more HMGs in print. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Mar 8, 2020 9:37 AM
#60
tygertyger said: Ladies and gents, we have a major milestone! This chapter marks the first official use of an honorary monstergirl in a story! And I'm doubly pleased that it was one of mine. I look forward to seeing more HMGs in print. Well, they're well written so I couldn't pass them up, plus I have some fun ideas with her in particular. That said, there are a bunch of good hmgs out there I got lots of ideas when looking at, so using them is going to be fun, already discussed two others with metal, which he's already posted. |
Mar 11, 2020 11:35 AM
#61
| Yes, this is indeed a first, and a most welcome one if I may add. I love the golden wings on the cherub, maybe an idea to make that a species defining trait to make them stand out from the valkyries and angels? @tygertyger A German fighter pilot from WW2? Dude must indeed be well over a hundred. I like it though. Also Madison is wearing a collar now? Dang, she's barely monsterized and already getting the puppy treatment :-P And chocoa milk? Expensive stuff indeed! That only grows on the southern most Amarantine islands. |
Mar 21, 2020 9:14 AM
#62
| so i have scene coming up that im having issues writing, but its not done yet >.> so im gonna try to wok on this some more before posting, i suspect it will be posted in the middle of next week |
Apr 2, 2020 9:25 AM
#63
| Ch 14 - friends? foes? The climb to the dilapidated fortress was quiet and peaceful, it wasn't too rough of a climb either. “Its bigger than it looked down there” ala commented as she walked up to the doors. There was a large outer wall with partially collapsed buildings within. Ala stepped up to the rotted wooden gate and pushed…. It right off its hinges. The wood splintered and creaked as it fell. “Promising” she grimaced as she stepped forward. We followed close behind. It was bright and airy inside the pathways, not because it had been made that way, but because bricks had fallen out and let the light in. aside from that, the inside was relatively well kept, the carpets would need to be replaced and the windows and lighting fixed up, but the internal walls and foundation of the place seemed solid. it would take some work, but it didn't look too bad to fix up. “Honestly it's not as bad as I thought it would be” ala said, testing another door. “The outside is much worse than the inside, this won't be too bad to actually fix up” lyra commented, putting her weight on a wall. As I turned to look at her, “Mhm… lets get some light in here” the inari behind us said, holding out her hand, palm up. She concentrated on it and a white hot flame sprang to life in her hand, dancing across her skin as if burning some unseen oil away. It danced and flickered, crawling across minoris skin as she stepped ahead to light things up. “You're right, it's quite well kept, this should only take a week or two to get back together” she said, holding her arm up and letting the fire become hotter and brighter so it filled all the dark spaces of the room. “Mhm, though I would like to get permission from whoever owns it before we even start making plans.” I said looking around the place “That's true… we are kinda trespassing” ala said, her ears laying flat on her head. “Oh wheres your sense of adventure” minori chided, stepping deeper into the fortress “theres no one around, its fiiiiine” she said waving for us to follow. “We could find all kinds of fun things here” Lyra sighed and shook her head before following the girl “if you don't hurry, shell leave us behind” she once again easily caught up with the smaller fox. Me and ala hurried to catch up as well. We spent hours exploring the derelict fortress, nothing really of note for the first few hours, not until we ran across the barracks. Inside there were well kept beds… well kept but moth eaten, with stacks of weaponry in sheathes along the walls. I stepped over to look at an axe, but the blade was all rusted and wouldn't even be good at chopping wood. I sighed and set it back down. “Hey blake look at this” ala called, stepping over with a sheathed sword in her hands. She pulled it from its sheath and it glinted in the firelight that minori was producing. The edge was sharp and it hadn’t rusted away at all. I glanced back at the sheathed weapons and picked up one of the swords at random. It too was well kept and had no spots of rust. “Huh… I wonder what made these weapons stay so good” I thought out loud as I looked at them. “Perhaps it was the oil in the sheaths?” ala suggested, sticking her finger into one of the wooden sheaths. It came out greyish-black and slick, though it didn't really look like the oil I was expecting. It looked… stickier than oil should have been “Perhaps,” I said nodding along “okay, I've seen enough, lets go talk to the chief and see if we can't get this place” I said looking around one last time before we turned to leave. This was going to make a wonderful base of operations for us. We retraced our steps through the fortress and eventually came to the door dug into the fortress wall. It didn't take as long this time, maybe ten minutes or so now that we weren't looking at everything in the fortress. We made good time back down to the village, and the two angel girls were already waiting on us. “Have fun?” the one with golden wings asked with a smirk “As much fun as you can have crawling around in a dusty old ruin” ala said with mock boredom “It's not that old,” savis said, her smile faltering for a moment. “I used to work there you know” “Oh it must be ancient then” odis said from her side, placing her large hand on savis’ shoulder “like jeremiah will be by the time we show up, hes waiting on us now” “Hey!” savis said whipping around. “ thats no- mmph?” she started to argue, but odis shut her down with a kiss. She had leaned down, apparently ready for the girl to spin around and yell at her. Savis resisted for a moment, fighting back against the larger girl, but she didn thave much luck. Her wings fluttered quickly at first, then slowed down to a slight twitch as odis pushed her attack. Odis released her and she fell to her knees, her face a blushing mess as she panted out odis’ name “Odis…. N-not… fair…” she panted, looking up at the bigger girl as she looked down with a smirk. The larger girl leaned down and scooped the smaller angel up into her arms in a princess carry, causing the cherrubs blush to deepen and her wing fluttering to return. “If you can't tell, odis is her charge” minori said as she walked past me. “Lets not keep the chief waiting long” “Right” I agreed and started to follow her down the main road. I got to see more of the town as we went, some more shops as well as the residential area. The houses were decently sized, one room buildings that encompassed all of life. The room was the kitchen, the bedroom, and the living room all in one, as was typical of early houses. Various monsters of all shapes and sizes walked, flew, and slithered about their daily lives. It didn't take long for us to reach the larger longhouse that was atop a hill, with a large flight of stairs leading up to it. There was also a ramp next to it, I assumed for the lamia species to have better access to the building. The two angeloids walked us up the stairs and pushed open the large doors. Odis stepped aside and held it open for us. Though it was built around a longhouse, the inside looked like a 1945 german household. We walked into a living room with a plush looking couch, that sat behind a coffee table in front of a window that looked over the town. There was a wall splitting the longhouse in half, and on it was the portrait of a young looking man with a beautiful woman. In the man's hands was a small sleeping girl that had the tail of an eel. A wooden table for eight was up near the wall, to the right of the door on the left. Off to the side was a brick chimny that appeared to double as an oven, judging by the pots and pans hanging from hooks next to it. There was a counter next to another window, with a… faucet? That caught my attention and I went to check it out. “Blake?” ala said, tilting her head as she followed me, her boots clicking against the wood floor. “Ah its nothing, I just didn't expect them to have a running water system.” I responded pointing to it. She tilted her head at the strange object and reached out to touch it “I… don't see how water is supposed to come out” she said looking at it confused. “Well, they probably have a basin above us, and here is a wall that blocks the water from falling through” I said pointing to the facet “if you turn the handle, the water can flow freely and you can use it for things like cooking and similar things. I'm willing to bet this drains into some garden” I said looking over the edge of the windowsill, there was a garden just outside, so it seemed like I was right” “Very good, another otherworlder I presume?” another voice said from behind us, and the eel girl was slithering? Sliding towards us from the door that lead to the back room. She gave us a gentle smile as she came to a stop next to us and motioned to the faucet. “It was something of my husbands design, but he says newer stuff will have been made by the time we get new males” she said, reaching out and turning it on. Ala gasped as she watched the water run and put her hand in the stream. “Its hot?” she said looking confused The eel girl chuckled and turned the water off before it ran cold. “It uses a metal basin up there that the sun heats, I don't know how we didn't know about it before, it makes things so much easier, and this thing called a shower oh its divine” the tip of her tail flicked. “But why might you be here?” she asked looking at us. “Ah, we’re new in town so we were coming to pay our respects and get a little knowledge on the area.” I said reaching out and pulling alas hand away from the faucet “Thats not all, is it?” she said. “Ah, I wanted to talk with him about what all happened and how he got here, and we were looking at buying that fortress up on the hill,” I said, pointing out the kitchen window. At that point, two angels followed by a man that appeared to be in his mid 70s and walked with a cane. He had hair that was a brown-grey mix, cut short from what I could see. He had on a cap with the german eagle with the iron cross in its talons. He had on black leather bottoms that I recognised as a late war flight suit from the museums. He had on a long sleeved button down top in white. His eyes widened when he saw me and his hand shot towards his hip where a pistol would normally be. It clenched a few times and then he sighed. “Sorry,'' he said. “Its been a hundred years and that flag is still… It brings back memories” he said stepping forward and offering his hand. “Major Jeramiah Heinlich, pleasure to meet you” I took his hand and shook it “corporal Blake Watts, Ill be honest, I wasn't expecting to meet someone from world war 2, you…. Look young” I said. The man should have been over 100 “Aye,” he nodded “mermaids blood is a hell of a drug, ill be 149 next month” he said. “149?” I asked “so you've been here for….” he cut me off and answered for me “One hundred and eight years, I was 31 when the crash happened” he said with a smile, then he motioned towards the table. “I hear we lost the war, how’s my country in the hundred years I've been in “heaven” he asked, sitting down. I sat down with him and ala sat next to me. The two angels sat down with us and odis and savis followed. One had a long dress with decorative golden armor cupping her chest, with massive red orange wings. The wings were tipped with pieces of metal armor for protection, not that they protected much. Her bangs were golden and went to a firelike orange as her hair got longer. She had skin like cinnamon and was maybe 5’9 or so. The other one had pale skin and a lithe body, she stood maybe 5’ even and wore leather armor with shiny silver rivets in it spaced close together. She was a houri, one of the angeloids in the book I had in my bag. She had bright pink eyes and a cheery smile as she listened to him talk. Her wings were smaller and blue, completely different from her dark purple hair. She was basically a walking rainbow, If one ignored her armor. “How Is my homeland?” he asked as his wife set some red drink in front of him. “Well, right now its an economic and political power, definitely one of the leading ones in europe” I said “germany is one of our closest allies now, actually. We do these joint training and weapons familiarization every once in a while” I told him as his wife set a purplish red drink in front of me and ala. He smiled at her and looked back at me. “I see, that's good… what was the outcome of…. The… gulf war was it?” he said, looking to his wife and getting a nod. “Yeah, I understand the times can be weird, so I'm curious about the outcome. Madison and Grace spoke of it when they arrived.” That was something off as well… “the gulf war was 25 years ago…” I said thinking back to the uniforms of the two girls. They were still wearing those out of date desert bdus. Huh…. interesting… I took a drink of that purple liquid and found it to be some kind of sweet alcohol. It was good, something along the lines of wine but distinctly different. “We won… grace and madison must have been one of the unlucky 23, those two were in the armored corps” “Yeah they said so” he said with a nod. We traded war stories for a few hours over drinks and the girls listened intently, and eventually, his wife stopped us as the sun was starting to set. “I believe you had something you wanted to ask?” she said tapping me on the shoulder when her husband finished one of his stories. “Ah right!” this got a chuckle from the quartet of girls with me “I wanted to ask about that fortress up on the hill, Im putting together a sellsword group, its what I do best, not really got any other skills” I said finishing off my…. fifth? sixth glass of this stuff? I didn't know how much id drank but damn if it wasnt good. “That is not mine to give” the man said with a wry smile. He motioned over at the other two angels “Its actually owned by these two fine ladies and the legion of wings in valhalla.” the cinnamon skinned girl appeared to think for a moment, then smiled at me. “We’ll see what we can do, though” she said “though Ill have to ask you to come with us, a new mercenary group right next to us will cause some issues….” she trailed off into thought “How about we just do that now” the houri said getting a glance from her cinnamon skinned compatriot “neiren, be a dear and get me some parchment, please” she said smiling at the eel woman. The eel… stood up? And slithered over to a desk across the room. She opened a drawer and pulled out a piece of yellowish white paper and slid back over to us. “Thank you” the houri responded, glancing up at me and the other one “ready?” she nodded, and the houri started speaking “Name?” she asked “Blake watts” I responded She pushed her finger to the paper and traced out what I assumed was my name in her language “Whats your reason to create a mercenary group so close to our borders” “My group could train in valhalla and get some combat experience there, and you guys were just one of the closest places to where I landed. That and it's one of the only things I know how to do. I was a soldier in my past life” I said. For some odd reason I felt compelled to tell the truth “Will you collaborate with the legion of wings if your request is accepted?” “Yes and no” “Elaborate” “If you were to request our help for something, it would be our decision whether we join or not. If you wanted us to help defend this bay, we'd be happy to help, but if you wanted us to kidnap some lord's daughter, no way.” …. Why did I say that. Did they cast a truth spell over the area? What's going on… as I tried to figure out what was happening the houri spoke up. “It seems you've noticed, yes, you cannot lie. Virah here is a sun maiden she casts an aura around her that makes others unable to lie.” she said with a smile “will you continue? Or are there things you don't want us finding out?” she practically purred with a sadistic glint in her eye. I smiled back at her “Let's continue, I've nothing to hide” That took the rest of the night to complete. The houri stood up and stretched, the paper in her hands now full of writing in light blue letters. “That's good enough, with something like this there's a low chance of being rejected…. That said there will probably be those who disagree with letting a man lead and/or fight” she said with a smile. “I am Tara, head of Intel for the legion of wings, I'm sure we will meet again soon” she said as she walked towards the door. “Sure you want to do that son?” the old man asked, still sipping away at one of his crimson drinks. “These girls are nothing like earth women” he said. I chuckled and nodded at him. “Yeah, I know, already been in a fight with two” I told him as the cinnamon skinned girl stood and bowed to us. “Please, stay here for the night” the man's wife offered us “we have a few guest rooms you can use, think of it as a welcoming gift” she said with a soft smile. “I think ill take you up on that” I said stretching as I stood. The other four did the same and there was a yawn from one of them. “Well, we have a home that we need to get back to.” savis said, waving to us as they left. The mans wife showed us to our rooms and bid us goodnight. I stepped into mine and it was a cozy room with a bed and nightstand. I stripped out of my dirty clothes and set my bag down, before crawling under the covers and drifting into a dreamless sleep |
venomwolfApr 9, 2020 4:38 PM
Apr 5, 2020 10:15 PM
#64
| Oho... the local head male is German! And from the WWII era, no less! That was an interesting interaction, and quite well done. I especially like how you've acknowledged the temporal nonlinearity of how humans from Earth Prime come to Earth M. That was subtle and well handled. And excellent use of the sun bride's truth aura -- of course they would use that in gathering intel and forging contracts. One quibble -- I see that you went back to not capitalizing names. Names should be capitalized every time they appear, not just at the beginning of a sentence. It's a good idea, at your current skill level, to do an editing pass for nothing but that. You are doing multiple editing passes before you post, right? You should do at least two, and for best results they should be at least a day apart. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Apr 6, 2020 12:57 PM
#65
| I do one before posting >.> ill up it to two, thanks for the advice. |
Apr 8, 2020 9:17 AM
#66
| There was some really weird bug with this thread not being visible. Glad that is resolved now, though dunno how. Hope this weird bug does not return. As for the chapter, it's really nice to see the things we discussed over discord being applied in the story. I really liked the description of the stuff you found in the German guy's home. Makes a lot of sense for off-worlders like him to have things that remind them of where they originally came from in their homes. With each person it will be like a still from a certain period here on earth. Nice little detail you added there. And in addition ot tyger's one quibble I'll add one too: occasionally you write numbers out and then at other times you use the numbers. This is a good example: venomwolf said: I would say that you're better off sticking with either one of the two conventions rather than using both. Given the length of the numbers, I'd say don't write them out and just use the number. Also your maths is a bit off, as 111 + 31 is not 149 :-P“One hundred and eleven years, I was 31 when the crash happened” |
Apr 8, 2020 2:51 PM
#67
| WHEW... That was a lot of reading to finally get through and get caught up with this story! After the initial pacing, and shortly after the encounter with the manticore, I became rather intrigued with the whole thing thus far! I could point out any number of things I really liked - the bi/lesbian inari companion, the creation of a mercenary guild, the WWII German chief, the overall representation of the region as well. There was definitely a lot to keep my attention. Plus I'm just partial to the whole military aspect because my MC shares the same. While I won't delve too much into critique, since I think everyone else who has commented has made their points, I will say this much - Your writing style HAS gotten better over the course of the chapters, particularly the last two! If I had one suggestion, it would be to slow down and take your time. I understand the eagerness to crank out chapters, especially in a timely manner. But I would say it's fine to slow down some and really think over what you want to write and how to express it. You did good as it is with the cliff-hangers and perspectives despite some grammatical and structural errors! Keep it up, I'll be back for more! |
Apr 9, 2020 6:50 PM
#68
MetallumOperatur said: And in addition ot tyger's one quibble I'll add one too: occasionally you write numbers out and then at other times you use the numbers. [snip] you're better off sticking with either one of the two conventions The convention is to write out numbers less than 10 and use numerals for anything 10 or higher. The exception is the beginning of a sentence; you don't start a sentence with numerals. So the example cited is actually correct (except for the math mistake). And I agree with Stayvector, your writing is definitely getting better. :) |
tygertygerApr 9, 2020 6:54 PM
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Apr 10, 2020 12:55 PM
#69
tygertyger said: The convention is to write out numbers less than 10 and use numerals for anything 10 or higher. The exception is the beginning of a sentence; you don't start a sentence with numerals. So the example cited is actually correct (except for the math mistake). wait thats actually a rule? I never knew, I just do it that way... huh |
Apr 17, 2020 9:10 AM
#70
| And finally got around to catching up. Chapter 11.5: You're introducing quite a few MC's indeed. I hope you'll be able to juggle them all... Chapter 12: And it's good to take a look at Valhalla! A very interesting place to be for sure! I like how you've used it! I like the rules for the duel as well! Maybe the Elves in my story and the Valkyries in yours share similar methods on how to even the odds a little bit because it's a standard idea across Arcadia. I'm sure my MC would love to have a go himself if he got the chance... I like the combat in this chapter too! Simple but pretty fast paced. I might adopt a similar style for my action scenes. Umm... Chapter 12 again? You seem to have two chapters that are both labelled as "12..." I'm assuming that isn't intentional? "Ch12 - let valhalla’s gates open wide" And "Ch12 let thy valkyries fly" Kind of surprised no one has mentioned this... Only half as hard and he was knocked out for 2 days. "Humans are weak." I love it! I'm happy to see another one who views and wants to advertise the difference between the average man VS the average MG from a few species. It's fun think about and experiment with. And that shirt exchange just sums it up very nicely. Also adore the imagery you used for the longhouse. That description truely does sound like heaven! That was fast. All the MC's together within a few chapters of introducing them. Nicely done too. Kudos on that. Huh... Wings being an egregious zone on a Valkyrie... I honestly hadn't thought of that. Kinky. Chapter 13: And the story develops with the MC's concocting a plan. Wonder if any mishaps will happen to sabotage their plan. Again I love the difference in ability mentioned here. The little comparison with handing them a gun is a neat touch too. Lord knows I wasn't much good with a sword the first time I tried any sparring... Nice touch with how they attempted to say England. I liked that. I know I'd probably butcher a name or two from another freaking world. And nice use of the Cherub! Chapter 14: Discovering well kept swords like that in an old fortress is a lucky find! They did take them right...? It didn't say that they did, but it didn't say that they didn't... I'm hoping they did. If they were left there for god knows how long then I'm sure no one would have missed them! Oh... Nice use of the sun maiden. This world's equivalent of a walking, talking lie detector. Makes sense for the setting and situation. I like it. |
Apr 17, 2020 9:04 PM
#71
| Lot to unpack there, but I see its mostly good stuff, thanks! I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out.... all except this recent chapter... I don't know how to write a snarky and high and mighty character and I really dislike how this interaction turned out. That said, I'm going to rewrite it, sreally how I like it then |
Apr 27, 2020 5:03 PM
#72
tygertyger said: The convention is to write out numbers less than 10 and use numerals for anything 10 or higher. The exception is the beginning of a sentence; you don't start a sentence with numerals. So the example cited is actually correct (except for the math mistake). Ah never knew that convention, laways thought you just pick one and then consequently stick with it. Today I learned. |
May 10, 2020 7:27 PM
#73
| Ch - 15 lizzer appearance an - so, i had a lot of issues with a particular scene that was in this chapter, it is no longer in this chapter and will come up.... later... maybe the next chapter? maybe further down the line, who knows. but have this one, it is long overdue The next morning I woke to a pressure on my chest. I didn't know what or who it was. There was something blocking my eyes too… I couldn't feel the covers but I was still warm, probably why I didn't wake up. Something was tickling at my legs, something soft and fluffy…. Like fur or maybe well kept wings. “Guess who” someone said in a voice I'd never heard before. I tried to open my eyes but something was still covering them. I reached up to get whatever it was off my face, but a pair of small hands stopped me “ah ah~ thats no fun” she purred. I still had no Idea who this might be. I wasn't going to wait to find out. I pushed my hands up, dislodging hers from my wrist and planting them firmly on her shoulders. They were small, and I was starting to get an understanding of who this was, but I still wasn't going to stop there. I pulled her down and pinned her shoulders to the soft bed. It was over in a moment and she didn't have time to gasp until her back was firmly pressed against the bed. Her voice faltered and I knew who it was now. “Hello Tara” I said before I removed the blindfold tied around my head. When I finally got it off, it turned out to be her bra. She was…. In my clothes? I glared down at the small trickster before standing up. “What do you want?” I asked as she sat up with an impish smile “I came to let you know your request was approved, though there were some unhappy faces in the room, so there may be someone appearing sooner or later demanding ‘disband this group this instant’ or something along those lines” she said, kicking her feet over the edge. She didn't have any pants on either. “Well, that's about it, they decided to just give you the fortress, something about it being not worth anything and too much to even fix up even if we denied you. That said, I'm sure there will be some requests in exchange for their ‘goodwill’” she said as she stood and stretched. “Don't worry though, I'll let you know if anything comes up, they've assigned me to deal with this whole thing.” she said walking towards the window. She opened it and jumped up on the windowsill. “Well, good luck, i'll be back to check up on you later~” she said jumping out the window and flying off. I was stunned for a moment then I realized she'd taken my shirt… I glanced back at her and it rode high on her body, bunched up above her wings… “Hey!” I yelled after her and she spun around on her back and blew a kiss at me before taking off even faster with a laugh that I heard even from this far away. I sighed and got dressed with what little I could… she left her clothes here too… I stuffed those in my bag and threw it over my bare shoulders. It rubbed a bit but it was nothing I couldn't handle. I sighed as I opened my door and stepped out into the hallway. I walked down it until I pushed open the door back into the living area. Jeremiah was already up and sitting on the couch with his wife as they looked out the window at the people below. Minori and ala were already awake, they appeared to be waiting on me. “Morning” I offered as I stepped up next to them. “Uh… blake wheres your shirt?” ala asked, tilting her head in confusion “An angel took it” I muttered as I walked past them. I waved to the old man and his wife “auf wiedersehen” I said with a smile as I pushed open the door and stepped out. The two foxes followed me “What do you mean an angel took it?” she asked confused as we walked down the stairs “That intel person from last night dropped by. We’re cleared to use the fortress” I said as we stepped down the last step. “So what's on the agenda today?” ala asked, stepping out in front of me and walking backwards. “Ah, mostly some cleaning, we can use the money we’ve got to get ourselves settled in, though it'll be temporary, I want to get a certain material to build buildings that will actually last” “What do you mean by that?” she asked, tilting her head again. “Well, I want to use some roman concrete, but I don't know where any volcanoes are… ah and the importation of volcanic ash and rock would be expensive… hrm, we’ll need to shelf that project for a later date.” I said as we started up the path to the fortress “Whats…. Concrete” she asked. “Ah, its a building material thats like….. Stronger stone, you pour it in a liquid form and it dries as hard as stone. We use it in basically everything back on earth. Roman concrete is….like a simpler version of that. You take volcanic ash and volcanic rocks, mix it with seawater and it becomes a surprisingly strong and flexible material.” I explained to her. It made me happy to be able to use some of the random knowledge stuck in my head. “Ah! That would make building much easier” she said nodding along. “We typically only use wood in our buildings, the men often questioned it back in frosthaven, we've only recently begun using stones in our buildings. It appears they haven't quite done that here yet.” she said motioning around to the surrounding homes. “Hrm, there may be a hellhound or salamander on the island that might know where one is.” Minori chimed in “Ah so mamono do actually have prefered places to live?” I was curious, even if that sounded kind of insensitive to ask. “Mhm,” Minori nodded, “there are some species more inclined to be in the desert, and others more inclined to the mountains, its dependent on the individual though.” she explained Huh. interesting, I thought. “Are humans not the same way?” minori asked “Well…. Yes and no? Humans do have our prefered places, but we can survive almost anywhere” “Ahhh, you didn't specify survive. While a yeti may not like it in the desert, she could survi….. Well, okay that was a bad example, a majority of mamono are the same way, though” she said smiling “I see, that makes sense” I said with a nod as we came up to the flat top of the hill that was once a practice ground, now overgrown with weeds. It would take a lot of work, but we'd be able to fix it up. We started to clean out the building that was being used as a storehouse that day. We packed up the weapons into the vacant boxes and minori counted them. All in all we had about a hundred axes, swords, spears, and maces. There were about 50 shields as well, though most had rotted out wood that would need to be replaced. It took us the better half of the day to do that. Once we had cleared that out we got a better look at the building itself. It had holes and was missing boards, not to mention all the rotted wood that was starting to collapse in on itself. It would not be safe to leave this thing standing, not at all, we'd need to tear it down. We went back outside and looked at the building. “It looks like its got a few key beams keeping it standing, though they look mostly rotted” I said as we passed it. “I bet if we just take those out the whole thing would collapse, since its all rotted wood anyways theres no need to keep it.” “Hrm… I could run and grab lyra” minori offered as we sat down in the overgrown weeds near the entrance. “Theres no need” ala said pointing up. I glanced up in time to see savis and odis descending from the sky, both wearing light clothing despite the crisp winter air. They touched down in front of us and odis stepped forward with a smile. “Heard you bought the old place, need any help cleaning up?” she asked, sitting down with us. “We would be happy to help” savis chimed in, her wings fluttering as she ran her fingers through the feathers, smoothing them out “It would help a lot” I said nodding “in fact I have something for you to do.” I said glancing around for a rope. There was a flagpole in the middle of the yard with the rope still on it, so I stood up and walked over to it. I cut it and pulled it down, it was old and weak, but it would do just fine. I went back to the building and motioned for odis to follow. “So Im going to tie this around this pole, and I want you to yank it out. It looks like this is the main thing holding the structure upright. remove it it all should come crumbling down.” I said giving her the end of the rope after I'd finished tying it around the pole. We then hurried out of the building. Odis stopped when the rope pulled taut and she glanced back over her shoulder at me. “Might want to step a bit away” she said with a smile. I took another few steps back and odis gave a mighty heave. The thick beam snapped like a toothpick and brought the whole building down in a pile of rubble, sending a cloud of dust and debris into the air. “Well, what do we do with it now that it's destroyed?” ala asked, looking at the clearing cloud as odis walked back to us. “We burn it” I said simply. It wouldn't burn as well due to the soaked up moisture, but it would burn with a hot enough flame. “Ah… but it wont burn… no we just need a hot fire” savis said, idly running her hand through her feathers. “Hrm, I can go get someone to help with that” she says standing up. She gave me a wave and flew off. I sighed and turned my attention to the eleven remaining buildings. All would be in a similar shape and it would take more work to clear it all. It was a good start though, a really good start. We continued on to the next buildings. We decided to tear down all eleven, camping out in tents until we could get the main body of it finished, or at least enough to start using it. As we tore down the last building, there was fluttering, one of the normal sounding feathered wings I'd come to know and one that sounded close to a helicopter, a gentle ‘whop whop whop’ as it came closer. Savis and some reptilian girl with blackish purple scales landed. She had coppery skin that complemented the dark purple scales, with her black hair cut just about her shoulders. She had a black heavy winter dress on, with white fur lining it, going all the way down to her ankles, just above her clawed feet. The new girl was big, bigger than lyra probably, she towered over us as she stood there, and I realized what she was. She was probably a dragon, with horns and wings like that. She looked at me with a curious but cold gaze and huffed, a bit of purple flame coming out from between her lips. She glanced at the rubble and then to savis. “Is this what you needed burned?” she asked, blowing smoke out of her nose “Yeah” she nodded, and the dragon walked over to it and took in a mighty breath before letting it loose in a massive flame that put out enough heat that we could feel it even from how far away we were. “That's Nemrir,” savis said “she's a good friend of mine and offered to help.” she smiled as she watched the rubble burn into nothingness. “I see, she could be useful….” I said looking at her as she walked back. She threw a wink my way, that was unexpected with how she seemed to be thus far. “I hope you can repay the debt later, male” she said before she took a jump and took off into the sky with her powerful wings. “She's nice when you get to know her” savis said watching her go with a smile “Right” I said with a shake of my head. Things were about to get busy, even without the dragon girls ‘debt’ to repay. how fun. |
venomwolfMay 11, 2020 6:21 PM
May 11, 2020 8:46 PM
#74
| Oh, good, an update. I was wondering when there'd be one. Heh... "Things were about to get busy." Why do I suspect that choice of words was deliberate? :) |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
May 11, 2020 8:53 PM
#75
| I had issues with this chapter... so much so that I'm out of my backlog>.> don't worry I didn't abandon it. Who knows... all I know is it gets crazy from here... I think... |
May 16, 2020 4:39 PM
#76
| Ch 16 iamrunningoutofchaptertitles an - look, i made the deadline of once \o/ go me! but yeah, ive kinda been plagued by schoolwork recently, rushing to get it turned in before the deadline is up >.> maybe i can be a little more consistant once I fix it That day was filled with work, minori went to get tents, while we finished up gathering the ashes. I had to run some experiments with just normal ash to see if it would work as a substitute for volcanic ash, though I didn't think it would. We decided to put some of the old equipment to use, building makeshift scythes out of some swords and some axe handles. We cleared out the entire middle of the compound before minori came back with the tents wed need. “Savis, odis, thank you for your help today” I said to the two girls as they met back up with us in the middle. “Aw, it was nothing” the large valkyrie said, sitting down “We were happy to help, Blake” savis said as she sat down with us as well. She smiled at me and wrapped her wings around her small body, warding off the wind. She cast her gaze to the area around us and smiled. “I'm excited to see what your plans for this place are” she said with another warm smile “Well, I have quite a few, though It requires a lot of work… and stone, lots and lots of stone” I sighed looking out over the empty yard. It was…. Really big now that the houses were not here. If I had to venture a guess… maybe 100m across? We were sitting in the center so it was about 50m from us to the walls and any of the gates. We took down the flagpole and used the hot coals from the other fires to get a good coal base and piled on some of the still salvageable wood from things like busted crates and the like that were being stored here. We had quite the fire, but it wouldn't really be good for cooking, wed have to wait for it to die down a bit. It was warm though, wonderfully so. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be warm again. After a few minutes of sitting I sighed and stood up. “Might as well get started” I sighed. I pulled my bag to me and dug around in it, hoping I still had some form of measurement in it. I had a small ruler… but that wasn't going to cut it. After some more looking, I finally pulled out a tape measure, that would probably do. I glanced to the sun as it started to dip, maybe an hour or so of sunlight left. It seemed like the day had gone on for much longer than it felt like, which was odd… either way I wasnt going to be able to do this today, so might as well wait on it and get someone to help. Now was as good a time as ever, though, so I started unpacking my bag to see what all I still had in it. Medical kit, field surgeon's kit, 4 more mres, a… hammer… I don't know how that got in there. I set that off to the side with the tape measure. There was a fold out saw, which I also set aside. Water bladder for 3 days, camping supplies, a map of my previous area, a change of clothes… dirty and wrinkled to high hell but serviceable once cleaned. There was a backup compass as well, bundled up paracord, a pancho that could also double as a tent in a pinch, firestarter, multitool, Really everything I'd need to survive in the wilderness should something go wrong, and I was glad I planned for it. there was also a fine layer of dust at the bottom of the bag, based on what grace said, that appeared to be what remained of the few items that couldnt cross over. a quick look over of the items noted that to be a flashlight, solar charger, and a survival/weather radio. not that the latter would be any use right about now. The girls watched me with great interest as I pulled things out of my bag and took note of what all I had on me. “Blake what is all this stuff?” ala asked, picking at some of the items, looking at the saw I had set aside. “I believe these are items from his world, ala” savis said picking up the field surgeon's kit and rolling it out. She let out a gasp as she pulled some of the tools from their places. “These simple tools were masterfully made, they must cost a fortune” she muttered as she held a scalpel and tested its sharpness against her thumb. She placed it back in its slot and then rolled it back up. “Yeah, just taking note of what all I have and don't have” I said looking at the things I had. "is this a map?" savis asked, looking at the sheet of paper on which it was. her eyes shone as she looked at it "it is the most masterfully made one I have ever seen!" she pracitcally cried, her wings fluttering. "and this system of doing it.... would you mind if I take this?" she asked, foldingit back ito the small square in which I had it. "yeah I dont mind" I said as I put everything away, except for the tools and the clothes. “Is there somewhere I can wash these?” I asked, pointing to the clothes. They were normal looking relaxation clothes, a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. “Ah, yeah there's a stream to the east of here, i'll show you it later” odis said as she looked at the remaining tools. It was around this time that minori had come back, announcing her presence with a “hello” from across the field. I glanced up and smiled. Minori and lyra were there both carrying tents for us to use, Grace and Madison were behind them with bags of what I assumed to be materials for setting up tents. “Heard you bought the farm” Grace teased as she set the bag down next to us. That got a laugh out of madison and a chuckle from me, though the other girls didn't get it “No he bought a fortress” odis said a little confused “It's… a saying from our world” Madison corrected, having already set her bag down and stretching out her arms. “Right, we should put these together before it gets dark.” she said looking at the tents. It didn't take very long with everyone's help, but.. There were more tents than I had asked minori to get. Grace picked up on my glances and smiled. “You didn't think you'd escape us that easily, did you corporal?” she snickered “youre planning on expanding your operation, right?” she asked “That is the plan, yes” I affirmed, thinking about it. “you were a big help, thank you” I started “is there any way to convince you to stay and help? Having some other humans around wouldn't make me feel so small” I chuckled, glancing at the large tiger girl as she set up the last tent. “Well, you certainly don't lack the space….” she said looking at the gathered tents. “Why the hell not, I'm in” she said, holding out her hand. I took it and shook it, unable to contain the smile on my lips. “Welcome aboard” I said. “After all that work i'm starved” madison said off to my left. “How about we head down to the town and grab a bite to eat? The inn in town has one of the best cooks around!” savis offered. That sounded amazing right about now, so we took her up on her offer. The sun was starting to set by the time we reached the small villa, and the mamono were slowly disappearing from the streets. The building itself was built out of a larger longhouse, or it seemed to be anyways, there were more boxy shapes covered by thatch roofing that I assumed were rooms one could rent. The door was closed, probably to keep the warmth inside, the warm glow of firelight played under the door. Savis stepped forward and opened the door for the rest of us. “Men first” she snickered. It had a bunch of tables spread out, with various girls about, drinking away. The inn was crowded, it must have been good for it to be this busy. Then again it was the afternoons after people spent their days working and typically wound down in places like this. There was a nice variety, and I was surprised to see some of the matchups, a tipsy looking demon was encouraging her angel friend to drink, a few harpies surrounded a man in the back as he wove some elaborate tale, and there was a familiar looking valkyrie sitting in the back with three of her comrades. I pointed her out to the rest of our group and we made our way to her “Evening, rota” I said with a smile as I sat down at the table. Ala sat to my left and minori sat to my right. We filled up most of what empty seats there were, and grace pulled up another chair as the table was one short. “Evening, how fare the winds today?” she asked, lifting her drink “Uh, good I guess?” I said, a little confused, that got a snort from her and a snicker from the rest of the gathered angels. “Sorry, sorry, Its a greeting here in valhalla, akin to how have you been” she clarified between giggles. “So, what brings you here, looking for a room? Good drink perhaps?” she asked, resting her chin on her hands, propped up with her elbows on the table. I was about to answer her when she jumped and suddenly glared at the angel next to her. They leaned in close and whispered about something before rota looked back to me. “Ah, sorry, I didn't introduce these three, these are my degnkona, degnkona svela, fugl-degnkona sanld, and degnkona hidra” she said, painting each one out. All three were blonde, two had blue eyes and one had green. They had wings of varying sizes, sanld had the largest, even folded up like they were, they were massive. She also had the biggest built frame, with firm muscles on show from her sleeveless top. She also had wings with a slight yellowish tint to them. The girl next to her, svela, had blonde hair, a slim frame, and silvery wings. The other girl looked like she could have been her sister, they even looked around the same age. “Im blake” I said before going into the introductions of our group. “Is this the group you wanted us to help with, stallara?” svela asked looking at rota. She waved her hand in response. “Now you know what I say about rank when off duty, svela” she said, putting emphasis into her name so the other girl got her point. She sighed and nodded “yeah yeah, whatever you say rota, aaaanyways” she said swinging her gaze back to us. “It is to my understanding thaat theres an illegal slave trade, or at least the equivilant of it, yes?” svela asked looking to me “yes” ala nodded “men and mamono are both being extorted and treated as slaves by my parents, they work a brothel.” she explained. The whole table seemed to tense up when she explained that men were being treated the same way. “Are you sure?” rota asked her, now looking very pissed off. It seemed the mention of men in possible danger seemed to really set the entire table off “I saw it with my own two eyes” ala said sadly “all of their “employees” wear a rune sealed collar, it cuts their power and makes it so they have to listen to the one who holds the key.” she said, bringing her hands up to her neck. “They choke out people who don't listen,” she said, closing her hands around her neck. This caused another wave of fresh anger to wave over the angels. Grace tapped me on the shoulder and leaned in when I looked at her. “men are the weaklings of this world and highly sought after, its no wonder theyre so angry” she said “I think an apt description of men would be… .hrm, theres no real comparison” she said going into thought. “Maybe children? Like how things done against children are so much worse than if done to an adult?” she said, unsure of herself “Are children here not held ot the same regard?” I asked her. “No, due to the rarity of childbirth crimes against them are even more punishable here” she responded. “Ah, I see, that makes sense” I said nodding. We drank the night away after that, continuing to discuss the plans that were previously mentioned. It was decided that I wouldnt be helping, figures, due to the high profileness of a man. Madison and the three valkyries would be doing the luring, while ala took lyra odis and savis to get the documents from their home. It was a pretty complex plan and i could see it going wrong in quite a few ways. I guess wed have to wait and find out. |
venomwolfMay 30, 2020 3:28 PM
May 26, 2020 5:55 PM
#77
| Looks like I'm late to the party. Two chapters to read. Good to see you keep up the pace. Somehow I get the feeling that those upset angels will make sure to give those guys, once they are freed, an extensive tour of everything Asgard has to offer. After all, they will have to make a well informed decision on what they are going to do with their new-found freedom. Also MC's shirt got stolen by none other than the head of intel? Curious to see how he's going to get it back. |
MetallumOperaturMay 26, 2020 6:08 PM
Aug 16, 2020 9:08 PM
#78
| Ch 17 all according to plan An: I'm not too happy with this chapter as a whole,I think there are good scenes with it... but it comes off as forced to me, I'm unsure how to fix it and want to move on, so this will probably be repaired at a later date>.< This is going to totally go wrong I thought as I watched them leave our island. They didn't go by ship, the valkyries carried them instead, mainly because there were no ships leaving at dusk. They all sat tied to the docks, a houri standing guard watching them to make sure they weren't stolen. She was eyeing our group suspiciously, with good reason, too. The girls were all in casual clothes, though they had swords strapped to their waists, two of the three blonde valkyries with arming swords, sanald with a longsword, though it looked like an arming sword on her hip. Lyra, madison, and Ala had no sword, though i saw ala’s axe on Odis’ sword belt. Both she and Sanald took Lyra by looping their arms under hers and picked her up off the ground. They moved in perfect sync, despite having been part of two different units. I watched Lyra tense and her claws dug into Odis’ sleeve and left a line of scratches on Sanalds bare arm. “Drop me and I swear Ill clip your wings” she said with a look of fear on her face as she was picked up off the ground. This got a laugh from the two angels carrying her as they took her towards the other side. “You know, there's a reason I refused to join the airborne” Madison said as her feet left the ground in Rota's grasp “do you guys have parachutes?” she asked as her hands dug into the girls wrists “Para… whats?” he asked with a tilt of her head “I want off this ride” she said as her nails drew blood from the angeloid. The drops spilled on the ground as she flexed her wings and shot them into the sky. The flying girls disappeared into the dark as me and grace sat by and watched “Odds on this going off without a hitch?” I asked the girl next to me “Slim” she responded before turning towards the town. I turned to follow her. Even when our group had split up, there was still things i needed to get done. I disliked tedious work, but I needed to start on things if this was going to be anything serious.... and that meant paperwork. ___ The following night The group landed on the beach, Lyra and Madison both fell to their knees as soon as their feet touched down, happy to be back on land. Savis kicked Madison to get her to stand back up and the pseudo fox swatted her foot away. Ala took her axe from odis and slipped it into the folds of her top, hiding it from view. “Right” rota said, as she shook out her wings and folded them into place. Madison finally righted herself, rota helping her stand “shouldn't you guys put up the swords?” she asked, looking at the three blonde angels. They looked slightly offended that she would even suggest such a thing, then rota spoke up for them “We valkyries don't go anywhere without a weapon, always be prepared and all that” she said waving the girls off “anyways, you three know the plan, get moving” she said ushering them off. Each one of them gave one of their odd valkyrie salutes, bringing their fists up to their chest, dropping to one knee and bringing one wing around their body as the other extended out to the left. Madison took note of that, it being the first time she had seen it. It seemed too complex and reliant on being on stable ground. She shook her head and returned her focus to the task at hand, running to catch up with the three valkyries that were walking off. She observed their clothing choices, long winter dresses with a sewn in metal breastplate that looked more for decoration than actual armor. She was wearing a similar hooded winter dress, lined with the fur of dire wolves she'd been told. She realized she was falling behind again and sped up to stand in the center of the triangle of girls, noting that even when they were supposed to be acting casual, they walked in a formation for her to sit at the center. After they noticed her falling behind a few times, they had slowed their pace to match hers. The costal town was visible in the distance, the firelights slowly coming on as the sun began to set. They knew the man would be out alone on the docks watching the sunset, ala had told them as such. Apparently he used to take her out there every night when she was younger, even after he started pushing her away he still went. Madison was jared from her thoughts when one of the valkyrie twins spoke up. “So what's a kitsune tsuki like yourself doing here?” hidra asked…. Or was that svela, madison couldn't tell at first glance. After some looking between the two she noticed a very faint scar along svelas jaw, that would be the mark to tell them apart. She then blushed as she realized she had just ignored hidra “s-sorry” she stammered out, getting a laugh from the girl “i was a human before… from the other side” she explained. This got a hum from the girl, though Madison couldn't tell what for. “What?” she asked, looking at the valkyrie. “Nothing, its just rare to find humans that become monsters” the valkyrie responded as they walked “Really?” madison responded “Oh yes” Svela jumped in “Its highly unlikely for it to happen in valhalla, as we don't allow any of the monsters in, we have no chance of turning you into one of us” she said, seeming quite proud of that fact. “Huh… are you not mamono as well?” madison asked, causing all three valkyries around her to falter “N-no we are angels, we have very little in common with the monsters” svela said “How so? As far as I can tell you both get energy from sex…. If my world learned that angels were actually like you, I think there would be riots“ Madison said with a chuckle. This caused hidra to hum in confusion. “Well, we gain the direct spirit energy, while monsters convert it to demonic energy, we also don't have a constant output of the demonic energy that they, and you do. Its miniscule, but over hundreds of years you could convert a human with that if not purified by one of us angels.” svela explained “Ahhh, yeah thats still nothing like our angels” she said, shrugging “You had angels on the other side?” she asked, her wings fluttering “There are only humans on the other side, at least as far as I know, people have claimed to have met demons, angels, seen god, all kinds of stuff, but its not been scientifically proven” madison explained, causing the two degnkona to let out “ooohs” of recognition. “What are the supposed angels like on that side?” svela asked “Well, that depends on the religion” madison said “Religion?” svela asked, and sanald looked over her shoulder “The humans have a tendency to want to believe in something higher than themselves, a god so to speak, this has been the point of many wars in human history” sanald explained. Madison was surprised that the girl knew so much about humans, but she continued on “Right, well, lets use norse mythology for example, we have our own valkyries, holy maidens that come down from the heavens to help in honorable combat. They also protect asgard, valhalla, and folkvangr.” this caused the two younger valkyries to ponder it for a bit “So…” svela started, looking at hidra “do you think these “norse” people are where asgard came from” “That's correct” sanald said with a nod “It was about 1000 years ago when a pair of ship landed on our shores, we were low in number at the time and we were only angels and there were no valkyries back then, only the ishim, cupids, houri, and angels were a thing.” she paused to take a breath “after the “vikings”; I think they were called; landed, we had a huge population boom, over the next hundred years.” The road changed from dirt to cobble as they made their way into the costal town, snald continuing to explain “That's when we restructured our island to resemble their heaven, asgard. The Ishim, the combat oriented angels, were then dubbed valkyries” sanald finished, going back to focusing ahead “Really? I never knew that” hidra said, sounding embarrassed that she didn't know the history of her island “Nothing to be ashamed of” sanald said softly “I only know because my mother was within that first generation, an angel that was a fighter before we were called valkyries, I was born a valkyrie.” “Ah, i see” hidra nodded “Well, my parents were big on the christian gods, those angels in particular are nothing like you girls” madison said since the conversation had died down “pure, no mortal pleasures, bound to gods will….. I think. Its been a few years since I could get away from their badgering, havent touched a bible since, never was big on the whole religion thing” madison said as they turned a corner. “Only a few years? How long have you been here?” svela asked, pausing to look down an alleyway, holding out her hand to stop madison. “This should work” the other valkyries paused and looked down it as well, nodding before they turned down it. Now in the darkness of the alleyway, they started to strip out of their top layer of clothing, setting the breastplates and swords out of sight behind a stack of boxes that filled the back alleyway. “How old were you when you were changed?” hidra asked, continuing to strip out of her top layer, revealing a golden draping of silk that covered their bodies, showing off much more than madison would have called “acceptable for public wear” but shed be damned if it didn't look good. “mid twenties, why?” she asked, tilting her head at the angel. All three angels faltered again as she spoke, causing madison to tilt her head in confusion “Thats… criminal” hidra said after a moment of thinking. “You… are way too young to have been converted, if you were over a hundred.. Sure but… you're barely a babe” she said slowly as if coming to terms with what she'd heard. Madison frowned at being called a child, but this wasn't the first case of it. “What's wrong with it?” she asked, somewhat defensively. “What's wrong is that we have a very small population of humans” sirva said, matter of factly. Madison could tell she didn't mean anything by it, but it still irked her more than it should have, mostly due to the history with her parents “So what? I'm supposed to sit and be some kind of breeder or something?” she said with an audible growl in her voice. Sirva put up her hands in protest “No no, that's not the issue here” she said “while it is preferred, we don't force people to mate… at least here in asgard. I can't tell you what they do in the less than noble places out there in the world…” she said trailing off with a sad look in her eye. “Okay? So what's the problem?” she asked, still irritated but not as angry. “The fact that someone monsterized you at such a young age… that's… wrong in so many ways” she said, looking a little sick to her stomach. “Id certainly take it over being dead” she grumbled, kicking at a rock that skittered down the alleyway “Ah…” sirva responded, as if shed realized something. “Thats different” she said softly. “What happened?” hidra asked, softly as if scared of bringing up emotional trauma. “Hell if i know” madison responded, turning on her heel once she saw the valkyries were done. She started to walk, making idle conversation as she did “I'm unsure what happened, all I remember is waking up in an apothecary.” she said, leaning forward to look past a pair of yetis that were coming down the street, looking down it towards the docks. “Aren't the humans supposed to be cured of their ails when they came across?” one of the girls whispered behind her. She couldn't tell which of the twins said it. A quick glance back and hidra was leaning in to svela, so it was clearly her “They should, yes” the valkyrie in front of madison said, glancing forward to sanald as shed somehow gotten in front without her noticing “as well as only come across in ones. The humans 1000 years ago were an exception…. As are those two” she nodded towards madison now. “How does that normally happen?” madison asked, tilting her head to the side “Well…. This is mostly hearsay, but humans are typically brought here in singles and at random, almost no one knows one another, the time periods are strange, and they are usually cured of their injuries and sicknesses…. Its very odd that you got injured as soon as you arrived, to say the least" sanald continued, stepping out onto the main road along the coast. The moon was beautiful and madison couldn't help but stop and stare at the sky filled with stars, the lack of light pollution meant it was all visible all the way to the horizon. Since she had stopped, the two valkyrie twins ended up bumping into her and letting out small squeaks of surprise which the stifled the moment later. Sanald was not interested in heat was going on behind her at all “There he is” she said, nodding her head in his direction. He was sitting on the docks, looking up at the stars, looking calm and peaceful. Madison couldn't believe this man to have been the one to indulge in slavery, not someone so captivated by the same stars she was. The man quite clearly was from the other world, and it confused madison. He wore an atrocious blue camouflage jacket, at least madison thought it was ugly on land. At sea it probably did alright to hide someone in the waves. he had normal clothing underneath it, simple brown trousers while his top was what seemed to be a t-shirt of sorts. She wondered what would work best on the man and psyched herself up, stepping out onto the deck normally. Her boots made loud footsteps on the deck as she approached, causing the man to glance back at her. She stood a few paces away, pointing to the spot next to him. "That seat taken?" She asked, smiling warmly at the man. He looked skeptical, but sighed and shook his head "no, you can have it" he said, his gaze going back to the stars. Madison sat down, seemingly happy to be able to be near the man, which put him more on edge "what do you want?" He asked bluntly, looking at Madison with a skeptical eye. "Just a bit of company…. And a bit of a lost bet" she spoke with a silvered tongue, nodding her head back at the barely clad valkyries behind her at the end of the dock. The man broke out into laughter as she explained her apparent lost bet, causing her to narrow her eyes at him "look, don't you laugh at my misfortune," she grumbled "or perhaps you'd like to go mermaid hunting" she half threatened the man, giving him a playful but weak shrug. The man only laughed more as he looked at madison, the valkyries sat down with them quietly, which made him slightly nervous, but with a human girl here he seemed calm. "Well now, do tell more about this bet" he teased, the valkyries looking slightly confused. "Oh you know, the standard "loser has to seduce the first man they see" she hummed, hoping the valkyries understood what was going down. The twins still looked confused but sanald picked up on it instantly. "Aye, it was foolish to challenge us valkyries to a duel" she mused, observing madison and the man. He seemed nervous and was pulling at the collar of his shirt, glancing between the four blonde girls. Impure thoughts were clearly going through his mind and he was clearly unable to keep his eyes off the revealing clothing of the valkyries. Madison giggled and shifted her weight, pushing her shoulder against his first then throwing her leg over his lap, putting his head at perfect boon height as she straddled him "what do you say? Want to make my loss a bit better, heal my… internal wounds, as it were?" She whispered against his ear, feeling the man tense then relax. His arms snapped up around her waist and she let out a gasp as he suddenly rolled her onto her back, pinning her to the wooden docks. "I can do that" he growled, pressing his lips to her neck roughly, causing her to gasp out in pleasure. Madison giggled happily as she started to undress, though not because of the fun times she was about to have, more for the fact that her mission had been successful and she felt like a true spy. --- I just finished marking out measurements and noting down the materials that I would need to put together the building I had planned. The tents would work for now, though, there were only a few of us. Grace had helped me get some parchment and put together some schedules for us, both us two personally and the group in general. We’d been discussing workouts, mostly. While minori wasnt stronger, she was easily comparable to Grace, who’d spent her whole life getting stronger. The strength differences were utterly insane, and i wasnt quite sure why. I kinda wanted to do some testing with monster parts, but that thought soon vanished, it would be akin to human experimentation, that wasnt something I wanted to get into the moral dellima of. Instead, I focused my attention on writing down the ingredients I would need to make some of the more disposable things in the medical gear I had. I sighed once that was done, flopping back on the bedroll Id been given and stared up at the starry sky. “Hey blake” grace said to grab my attention. Id almost forgotten she was there, and i cast her a glance. She was clad in a simple brown winters dress instead of her desert bdus. “How does this look” she asked passing me a piece of parchment. It was a list of what we needed to get done before we made this place liveable. I sighed when I realized what all needed to be done. “Yeah that looks fine” I said stretching before passing it back. “So much paperwork, i realize we need to get back on our feet in this new world but still… blegh” i complained to noone in particular, looking at the foriegn sky. The lack of light pollution made the sky particularly beautiful. Stars in foriegn places and a similar yet different moon that showed the suns shine, waning, most likely symbolizing the end of the month…. Well no, I couldnt really say that. There was one thing that did catch my eye though, a spiral galaxy that was just barely visible with the naked eye. “Wasnt the milky way a spiral galaxy?” I asked grace, pointing it out as I looked at it. “Yeah that sounds right” she said, looking up at what i had pointed out. “You don't think…” she asked, trailing off. “Honestly? Teleportation is much easier to believe than dimensional travel.” I said, continuing to observe the swirling stars and gasses that made up the celestial body. “But what about the magic?” she asked, as if trying to justify her own thoughts on it. “Any technology too advanced to understand might as well be magic.” I replied with a shrug “I don't think thats the exact quote, but… yeah id agree. Think if we showed one of these girls a cellphone that they would be able to call it anything but magic?” I asked her as i continued to look at the different stars, unable to point any of them out in particular. The sergeant went silent, clearly mulling over her thoughts “But… its like nothing I've ever seen before…” she said, thinking on it. It was then that i realized she was technically a good 30 years behind on tech. “Well, all you would need is a machine that does… something to cause the effects we see, say a satellite” I said, not quite knowing the exact science behind it to be able to explain it. “After that, lock it to the dna of the known races, perhaps to make sure animals don't accidentally burn down a forest with a fireball or something” I continued “But… why?” she asked “How should I know?” I asked with a shrug “I do know that I’m tired, and ill be getting some sleep.” I said, standing and moving towards the tent. My arm was pulled back by the sleeve and I glanced over my shoulder to look at what she wanted. She glanced away with what I had assumed to be a blush, I couldnt see her features due to the firelight. “Yes?” I asked, turning to look at her. “...” she was silent for a moment before she spoke up “ ‘s-cold” she said, a bit of her texan accent slipping through “would you mind if I slept with you to keep warm?” she asked, continuing to avert her eyes. I was shocked for a moment, causing her to pull her hand back, thinking her request might have been too sudden, most likely. I smiled and grabbed her slowly receding arm, pulling her into my chest. She let out a gasp as I did, fighting it for the briefest of moments before she collapsed to my chest. I kicked up the bedroll with my foot and grabbed it with my free hand, shaking the girl around as I pulled both the girl and the roll into the tent. I laid out the roll and she stepped away, grabbing a pair of thick blankets before tossing them at me. I wasn't prepared for it and the heavy blankets knocked me back a step. "Not a word" the girl said, starting to get undressed. She was quick and efficient, not trying to give a show, just freeing herself from the confines of her outfit. I cast off my gear as well, stripping down to my skivvies. It was beyond cold now without the clothes to cover, my body shivering to conserve heat. She flopped down on the bed and held her arms up and out for me. When I lay down beside her she snuggled up close and reached for the blankets, pulling the soft furs over our bodies. We lay there in silence, neither one wanting to make the first move, and instead we both ended up falling asleep, snuggling closer to the only source of heat we had in this cold night. |
venomwolfNov 5, 2020 2:29 PM
Aug 17, 2020 5:30 AM
#79
| At last, another chapter! That last scene is the best one in this installment -- very nice character development moment for both of them. Oh, and the exact quote is, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic," in case you didn't know. I have a sneaking suspicion that Madison is working an angle with that guy. I will stay tuned. The capitalization issue is still there. Remember, proper names should always be capitalized, as should "I" by itself. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Aug 17, 2020 6:54 AM
#80
tygertyger said: At last, another chapter! That last scene is the best one in this installment -- very nice character development moment for both of them. Oh, and the exact quote is, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic," in case you didn't know. I did indeed know, just Blake wouldn't exactly remember the exacts off the top of his head. tygertyger said: I have a sneaking suspicion that Madison is working an angle with that guy. I will stay tuned. Perhaps tygertyger said: The capitalization issue is still there. Remember, proper names should always be capitalized, as should "I" by itself. Yeah I just noticed some of those>.> |
Aug 19, 2020 7:04 PM
#81
| Yay, a new chapter! I agree with tyger that the third part was the best part. I sent some feedback over Discord on the first two parts. I really liked the part where the MC is entertaining the idea that maybe they are somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy looking up at the Milky Way. |
Nov 5, 2020 8:05 AM
#82
| So, I finally got to get somewhere good with the last chapter, there are a lot of changes, a lot of lore, and a lot more character development. I'm even happy with how the man turned out in this one, seeming more like a real person. |
Nov 5, 2020 2:11 PM
#83
| Now that is an excellent edit! You kept the good parts and massively improved the parts needing improving. Good job. Favorite quote: revealing a golden draping of silk that covered their bodies, showing off much more than madison would have called “acceptable for public wear” but shed be damned if it didn't look good. Also like the reference to a bit of Asgard lore with the viking ships landing on the shore causing a population boom. From hence on the idiom "the birds and the bees" shall be replaced with "the vikings and the valkyries". |
Nov 5, 2020 2:31 PM
#84
 these are the silk drapings the valkyries put on, but it seemed they werent as needed as they had been hoping |
venomwolfNov 5, 2020 2:36 PM
Nov 5, 2020 2:48 PM
#85
venomwolf said: Well... Maybe they could make it a small orgy. Also I could think of worse ways one could get robbed.these are the silk drapings the valkyries put on, but it seemed they werent as needed as they had been hoping |
Dec 29, 2020 9:50 AM
#86
| Chapter 18 - true valhalla arc, part 1 AN - this marks the beginning of the second arc, it somewhat overlaps with the first one, as the girls are still out on their mission st this point in time, but that should be over soon enough and this arc will be in full swing then, till then, have this chapter. I woke with dawn…. Or rather, grace did, and with my source of heat gone, that woke me, as well. I groaned as I sat up, not wanting to go out into the cold, no matter how much I might have been used to the elements. “So whats on the agenda today?” grace asked, opening the tent flap. I glared at her for letting in both the cold and the light, grabbing my clothes and pulling them into the warm pocket of air to get dressed. “I want to go look around Valhalla, we can leave a note for the others” I said as I started to fumble around in the darkness to get dressed. Once I had finished donning everything, I wrapped the blankets around me in a makeshift cloak. There were two, though, so I tossed one to grace, who said her thanks as she did the same. “What? Don't have enough beautiful women to look at?” she asked teasingly, to which I only grumbled at. Despite not doing anything last night, she seemed quite bright eyed and bushy tailed. She seemed like a morning person… which I wasn't…. But I had to wake up anyway. So with a not insignificant amount of willpower, I roused myself from the warm, comfortable bedding out into the frigid air. More clothing was a must have, so we probably should have planned to pick some up in town. I brought up my concerns with grace “Should we pick up warmer clothes?” I asked her, slipping into the heavy coat. I noticed the lack of jacket and tossed her mine. She let out a surprised noise as the jacket draped over her head, lifting it with her forearm. She unwrapped the blanket cloak and put the thick jacket on under it. “Probably” she agreed “I've been freezing off what little tits I have, so let's go” she nodded, stepping out into the fresh snow on the ground. Her jest got a chuckle from me and she glanced my way “what, not going to disagree?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at me. She didn't see the doctor fox sneaking up on her. She noticed a moment too late and let out a gasp as the girls hands snaked around the cloak and grabbed the girls chest, hugging her closely. “Your waaarrrmmm” she hummed, snuggling closer and closer to the human girl. Said human girl slapped her hands away but didn't back away from the fox, seemingly happy to have the warmth. I decided not to get between minori and grace, lest I get pulled into the touching and groping that the two were now in a contest about. I packed up my stuff anyways, sighing at them as I threw it over my shoulders and the blanket to keep it fastened in place. It worked nicely, if a little constraining. The girls stopped their play-squabbling and looked over to me as I started to walk. It wasn't like I was trying to sneak away but it still felt like I had been caught. Both smiled devilishly and stepped towards me. “Where do you think you're going~” the fox girl purred, her tail swishing behind her. So it was that kind of game, I see. She was a fox after all, that probably meant she was about to pounce. A glance at her feet revealed the minute adjustments that animals did before pouncing, so I did the only thing I could. I bolted for the door. There were other things I could have done, but I needed to get my daily jog in anyways. The crunch of snow behind me marked my hunch right, a quick glance had the fox girl with her hair and head covered in snow as she stood up from the ground and grace hot on my tail. I grinned and looked back to the front, ducking through the gate by twisting my torso to the side and slipping through it barely. There was no sound of impact behind me so grace made it through as well, good. She wasn't much shorter than me, so she didn't have a height disadvantage when it came to speed, plus my bag weighed me down, so I'd have to push it if I wanted to stay ahead of her. She probably expected me to slow down when the hill came, it was pretty steep after all, but she had another thing coming. Her footsteps slowed and there was a pause before they sped back up to try to keep up. It seemed I was right. I hit the edge of the hill running, dropping to my side and sliding through the snow, a few years of baseball had taught me how to properly slide. It slowed me down a little bit, but I skipped up to my feet easily and could continue down the rest of the way easily. A quick glance up told me grace was a good 10 paces behind me. Unfortunately for me, I caught a hole that was hidden by the snow, falling flat on my chest and sliding on the ice for about a foot, winding up not unlike a certain fox back up on the hill. Grace caught up to me pretty easily at that point, her footsteps slowing to a stop next to me and her hard breath audible. “Wh-why?” she panted as I sat up and brushed the snow off. “Oh no real reason” I chuckled, looking at the now soaked and miffed minori. “That was mean!” she shouted, huffing and panting, clearly not as in shape as us two humans, to which she seemed to be slightly angrier once she realized this “It got you two lovebirds out of the fortress, didn't it?” I asked, looking up at the two girls as we caught our breath. Grace offered her hand and I took it, though it seemed I was heavier than she anticipated, for it took a moment for her to get me up standing once more. “Fiiine, we’ll go to Valhalla" Grace sighed, shaking her head as she pushed me forwards “Hrmrm, you'll pay for that later." Minori grumbles, kicking the snow as she sticks close to grace, stealing her warmth. “Im sure I will." I chuckled back, getting another grumble from her “So what's even the plan with going to valhalla, anyways?” she asked me, seeming more curious as to why “Eh, mostly just to fill my curiosity, the first day I was there, me and ala got into a duel, then I got knocked out and didn't really get to explore…. Will say watching the duels were fun, for the one that I saw” I responded, getting a scoff from the fox “So just a whim?” she complained “Yup” I responded, causing her to huff again and grace to snicker in her amusement. That snicker turned to a gasp and then a growl of annoyance as minori did… something, I couldn't quite tell because of the blanket draped over them. I smiled and turned my attention to the rest of the town. We passed through it pretty uneventfully, but I did get to see a few interesting mamono types. There were a surprising amount of angels on the island… well, I guess I shouldn't have really been surprised; We were right off the coast of Asgard after all. It still surprised me the amount of non-cold environmental mamono I saw out here, though a few had perfect countermeasures, like the flaming mouse girl that just brushed past me. Even then there were the kinds you wouldn't expect to see out here, lizardmen and lamia, the coldbloods you would think hate the snow and cold. Then again, I had read lizardmen were big on swordplay, so they weren't too strange to see out here. There were men out and about as well, which was still an odd thing to point out now that I thought about it. The lack of men insofar made seeing all of them in the open seem somewhat strange. I shook off those thoughts as we stepped onto the wooden boards of the docks, having no issue getting through the town… aside from the bickering of the two girls. We paid for passage on a ship back to Valhalla and I noticed our funds were now starting to actually dwindle. I knew they weren't going to last, but they still seemed to be going quite fast. We’d need to find work and soon… especially if this job was going to be taking off… I sighed as I realized it would take much much more work than I initially thought it would. ~ “You ever ridden on a ship before?” I asked the two humans as we sat down on the ship for the trip. Our pay was lessened since me and Grace offered to help with the ship, they didn't have a full crew so it would go a bit faster if we offered assistance. “No, I never did” grace shook her head “most I rode were airplanes, and even then it was only on deployments, my family was too poor to travel anywhere” “I've been on a cruise or two, these smaller ships are much bumpier” Madison responded, stretching out in her spot on the floor of the ship. “Of course the rich kid would have known what its like to have been on a cruise” grace snapped back “Tis a shame we never made it through that deployment, hazard pay would have been enough to catch a cruise or two” she chuckled in response “Ah, thats true.” grace nodded “wait were you planning to ask me out on a date?” she said after a moment of deliberation “Sure was, already had the tickets and everything” she giggled in response, causing grace to flush a deep red. “S-such indecency” she stammered out, clearly highly flustered by the girls insinuations “y-you really thought that much about me that early on in our relationship?” she asked the vixen somewhat incredulously. “Relationships tend to develop that way when youre ducking behind the same barrier” she hummed, leaning back against the wooden seat. Grace seemed to mull this over a bit and focused in on the wooden oar in her hands. The winds were light today, so we had to go off manpower to get across the channel, or so we were told. I don't think this is quite what the captain had in mind when she offered to make our passage free of charge for a bit of assistance…. But it was fine anyways. I didn't want to turn into someone who just lays everyone at any opportunity, such a personality would be bad for business… actually thats a lie. In this world it seems like that kind of personality is exactly whats needed for business to go smoother. I shrugged off those thoughts as the captain of the small craft kicked us away from the dock. The girls cried out in a chorus of heave and ho, heave being the left oars and ho being the right… or port and starboard, technically. Once we were out away from the other ships, the girls manning the large sail in the center got to work, dropping it and pulling it tight to catch what little wind we could to assist us. There was a jolt gone through the ship as it caught, the girls only having to angle it a little bit to get some wind. “Hrm, do sea shanties not exist in this world or something?” madisons voice pulled me out of my admiration of the control of the ship these angels demonstrated “well, no that cant be right, there was a crew singing one the other day… hrm” she hummed, looking at the crew. I glanced over at them as well and noticed what she had as well. The oars werent in synch like they should have been, and it seemed to bother madison. The crew was already understaffed, so perhaps the normal person who did it was one of the missing girls, that would be my guess. “Well, guess I have to fill that slot then” she mused, watching the crew. She started to tap her foot on the bottom of the ship, keeping time with what should have been the moment that each oar hit the waves. “Oh we’d be alllll right, if the wind was in our sails” she started, causing the various valkyries to look up at her oddly. “A-we’d be alllll right, if the wind was in our sails!” we’d be alllll right, if the wind was in our sails~ And we’ll all hang on behind” it was at this moment the valkyries seemed to understand what she was doing, rowing in time to the beat she had created. And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along” she called out again “we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along” the valkyries responded in a great cheer, copying madisons lines just as she had sang them. I couldn't help but join in, and apparently neither could minori, as i heard her voice mixed in there as well. we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along And we'll all hang on behind Oh, we'd be alright if we make it to the shore We'd be alright if we make it to the shore We'd be alright if we make it to the shore And we'll all hang on behind And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along And we'll all hang on behind Well, a night's watch below wouldn't do us any harm Well, a night's watch below wouldn't do us any harm Well, a night's watch below wouldn't do us any harm And we'll all hang on behind And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along And we'll all hang on behind Well, a drop of mermaid's blood wouldn't do us any harm Well, a drop of mermaid's blood wouldn't do us any harm Well, a drop of mermaid's blood wouldn't do us any harm And we'll all hang on behind And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along And we'll all hang on behind Well another gentle-man wouldnt do us any harm Well another gentle-man wouldnt do us any harm Well another gentle-man wouldnt do us any harm And we'll all hang on behind And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along And we'll all hang on behind Oh, another day in bed wouldnt do us any harm Yes, another day in bed wouldnt do us any harm Oh, another day in bed wouldnt do us any harm And we'll all hang on behind And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along And we'll all hang on behind Well, a night on the town wouldn't do us any harm Well, a night on the town wouldn't do us any harm Well, a night on the town wouldn't do us any harm And we'll all hang on behind And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along And we'll all hang on behind And we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along we'll rooooollll the oooold, chariot along https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49FWp7WLYKw "And we'll all hang on behiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind-ah~!” she called out, ending the song, the wings of the valkyries fluttering their approval of it, at least i assume thats what that was. They couldnt very well let go of the oars that were propelling us, after all. It appeared madison wasnt done though, as she went right into the next song, keeping the pace she had made for all of us to row to. The songs made the passing time much quicker than it really was The entire trip over I never even realized madison wasnt supposed to be with us. it felt so natural for her to be there and the way she talked with grace as if shed been there the entire time was so perfect that I never even registered the danger |
venomwolfJan 6, 2021 6:36 PM
Dec 29, 2020 5:28 PM
#87
| This happened sooner than I expected! Nice to see some seafaring action. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Jan 1, 2021 2:49 PM
#88
| well, there will be more seafaring much later on, most of then arcs rely on long seafaring trips, one to chizumachi and two more to the main island for the summer festival and an arc involving elves dark elves and debts, ive just gotta actually write the bridging arc out first. |
Jan 4, 2021 4:27 PM
#89
| What has become of the world when even one's body warmth can be stolen by some foxy vixen with impunity?! smh On a different note: the second part has me a bit confused. Is that the trip Grace, Minori, and Blake are making to Valhalla that was mentioned in the first half, or is that much later? For iirc Madison was with the Valkyries away on that mission you mentioned in the previous chapter, so where does she come from? |
Jan 5, 2021 5:12 PM
#90
MetallumOperatur said: On a different note: the second part has me a bit confused. Is that the trip Grace, Minori, and Blake are making to Valhalla that was mentioned in the first half, or is that much later? For iirc Madison was with the Valkyries away on that mission you mentioned in the previous chapter, so where does she come from? it is indeed the trip they were speaking of in the earlier chapters, its formatted a little strangely, but at current times the girls would still be on their way. I just wanted to get that part underway since theres little relevency to the timeline with blakes group than with madisons group, this trip will be split up at this point into the next part of that group so as to handwave the travelling but also make it feel like its- ahg! okay yeah im just an idiot and forgot she wasnt with them... erm... welp... time to do some rewriting and move this on down the line |
Jan 5, 2021 5:22 PM
#91
"yeah im just an idiot and forgot she wasnt with them... erm... welp... time to do some rewriting" Happens to the best of us. Which is why I recommend letting a chapter sit for at least a day before you do your final editing pass. You are doing multiple editing passes after the principle writing, yes? |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Jan 6, 2021 6:17 PM
#92
| I normally do, but this one was admittedly a little more rushed cause I felt bad for leaving everything blank for so long, on top of schoolwork it gets to be challenging >,> but tis fine, its a rather easy fix and I already know how I want to change it, just need to finish up this essay and then move on to the rewrite tygertyger said: "yeah im just an idiot and forgot she wasnt with them... erm... welp... time to do some rewriting" Happens to the best of us. Which is why I recommend letting a chapter sit for at least a day before you do your final editing pass. You are doing multiple editing passes after the principle writing, yes? |
Jan 6, 2021 6:34 PM
#93
venomwolf said: I normally do, but this one was admittedly a little more rushed cause I felt bad for leaving everything blank for so long, on top of schoolwork it gets to be challenging >,> but tis fine, its a rather easy fix and I already know how I want to change it, just need to finish up this essay and then move on to the rewrite tygertyger said: "yeah im just an idiot and forgot she wasnt with them... erm... welp... time to do some rewriting" Happens to the best of us. Which is why I recommend letting a chapter sit for at least a day before you do your final editing pass. You are doing multiple editing passes after the principle writing, yes? actually, ive gotten a better idea, yeah, this should be rather interesting |
venomwolfJan 6, 2021 7:30 PM
Jan 7, 2021 3:10 PM
#94
| Well looks like Madison is sus. Also: But it was fine anyways. I didn't want to turn into someone who just lays everyone at any opportunity... Yeah he might have to reconsider that attitude. After all with so few men to be had, it would be nice that at least those few that are around would also be willing to occasionally perform community service. |
Jan 7, 2021 8:16 PM
#95
MetallumOperatur said: Well looks like Madison is sus. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, there is nothing suspicious here in the slightest, nope |
Jun 10, 2021 10:48 AM
#96
| so! I was thinking "its been long enough, I want to revise my earlier chapters.... so I did! the first of which being chapter one. now i will be continuing the story on to new things, but I needed to think on things after I made a pretty big blunder with contenuity. that said, go back and read chapter one, its been revised and rewritten to be much better and to set stuff up to change how the story goes :> I would love some feedback on it if you were so inclined |
Jun 10, 2021 2:15 PM
#97
| Just reread your first chapter. You indeed made quite some changes to it. It is nice to see the ice-age fauna that grace the Froshaven archipellago with their presence being mentioned here. A shame of the dead sabertooth, but that's survival: eat or be eaten. |
Nov 6, 2021 12:15 PM
#98
| Finally caught up again! Hard to make comments about so many chapters at once, but I will give it my best shot! Your writing has definitely improved quite a bit, which is very nice to see. The plot has also moved along quite nicely. It's nice to see the extensive use of all the angelic types, which have gone largely ignored in the stories before. Also nice to see Valhalla being in the center of the story. I'm curious to see how it will go with the reconstruction of the fortress, and how your MCs will go about building up their mercenary business. Finally, the last part of Chapter 18 was a bit confusing, as obviously Madison isn't with the other two humans. I assume you added the last part in to rectify that. So I'm curious about who could be impersontating Madison and what her reasons could be. Looking forward to reading more from you :) |
Nov 6, 2021 6:09 PM
#99
| Reread the first chapter, and I can see where some of that setup is going. Good changes so far. One note -- in paragraph 3 the perspective switches from first person to third person and back again. You might want to fix that. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Nov 24, 2021 7:56 PM
#100
| AN - so! It's been a while, I am still working on this, yes, and I do have a direction it's going in, i promise. In here we get a character who's almost entirely been out of the spotlight, minori, our resident foxgirl doctor and history researcher. I hope you enjoy her rambles as much as I enjoyed writing them Chapter 19 - good spies save lives Ala slunk through the dark alleys of her hometown, she hadn't done this in a long time, and certainly she hadn't done it with the support of the valkyries and other mamono that trailed behind her. Her armor was quieted with little strips of cloth, it was a little pricey to do, but with the cloak she wore over it, no one would even know she had it. That was the goal. She saw the tavern the other group was supposed to lure her father to. That madison girl had a good head on her shoulders in spite of being the sluttiest of the human trio…. Which was fair considering her monsterization. Ala at least knew enough to know humans often changed when they monsterized. She shook her head and glanced up at the windows as one of them opened. There were happy laughs and gasps coming from the room. Ala watched the twin valkyrie drop the key out the window. Ala lunged forwards and caught it before it made a sound on the pavement, glancing up at the topless girl as she changed positions, pressing her arms to the windowsill “Come on loverboy,” one of the valkyries cooed “why don't you help me get some fresh air~” Ala continued walking past so as to not be suspicious, ducking down into an alleyway as the moans and cries of the valkyrie rang out through the streets. Ala dismissed that, heading for the red light district. Though small it was always lively this time of night, as most pleasure districts like this were. She slipped through the alleyways with ease, not wanting to think of the memories the tight corridors brought her. She glanced back at the people trailing with her and noticed the struggles the tiger had with squeezing through. The inari chuckled to herself before returning her attention to the front, stepping up over a set of stairs from a back door that covered most of the alleyway and seemed quite useless indeed. She shook off those thoughts and continued forwards, pressing close to the wall to get around a chimney that jutted out into the alleyway. Rota had issues with her wings and Lyra just couldn't fit through. She grumbled as she tried her best to squeeze through, but she just couldn't make it. In a fit of seemingly anger she clenched the corner of the chimney a little too hard and a chunk came off in her fist. She looked down at the chunk of brick and mortar in her fist and frowned, trying her best to put it back into place. After a bit of finagling it looked like it would stay and she nodded. “Ill find another way around, you two continue on.” she said, turning around to go back down the alley. The piece of stone shed put back into place then fell off the wall, shattering into tiny pebbles from the impact, causing the tigress to wince and stop to glance at what had happened. After a bit of watching she went of her own way as Ala and Rota continued down the small walkway. “Just out of curiosity” the valkyrie said “how did you and Blake meet up…. I mean… you don't seem interested in him at all… so... “ she trailed off, not seeming to know how to word it. “So what?” the fox asked, her eyes narrowing. “I dunno… does he not at the very least pique your interests?” the winged girl asked “Mn… well… he kinda just fell into my hands, literally knocked on my door in the middle of a blizzard… as for my… liking of him… well, I wont say the desires are not there…” she hummed “Mn” the valkyrie nodded in agreement. “But you don't act on it at all, I find it baffling” The girl faltered at this, trying to start up a sentence a few times and failing. The valkyrie let out a soft giggle at this. “Do not feel as if you have to, I was simply making conversation” she said, smiling The fox girl flashed a half pained smile and shook her head “not now” she said, motioning towards the alleyway that was slowly coming to an end “I’ll tell you later, over drinks maybe?” she offered The Valkyrie hummed as she slipped by a crate that took up most of the thin alleyway, her wings scraping across the wall. She paused, glancing at the gung left back on it before a quick flap shook it off. “Sure… i'll take you up on that offer” she said as she caught back up with Ala Ala nodded, turning her attention out towards the main street that the red light district sat along. The streets weren't quite “teaming” with monsters, but there were always the sex addicts out here. Generally a redlight district like this was where one found those that could only survive off of spirit energy, IE: succubi, imps, generally the demonics congregated to this place of sweet sweet sex and deubachery. Ala shook her head as she stepped out into the street, her gaze falling to that same brothel her mother always had owned. She shuddered as she looked at it, her eyes narrowing as she crossed the street, slipping back into the alleyway that was on either side of the building. She saw the large tigress halfway across the street and met her in the middle. “This the place?” The large woman asked as she fell in next to Ala, walking to her right as she observed the building. “Yeah, there's an exit out the back we can sneak in through, I've still got a key and I doubt they've changed the locks-mom’s too cheap to bother'' she said quietly as she slipped into the alleyway with the valkyrie and tigress in tow. She cast one final glance back, as if to confirm they were really doing this, then she sighed and resolved herself, turning the corner. She saw the door and her eyes narrowed as she observed it. After a few moments of looking, she saw what was bothering her: the door was unlocked. That… wasnt right, they never left it unlocked. She hummed and pulled the key out of her pocket, holding it out on her lanyard out to her side. “Rota, take this” she said, the key to the magical collars dangling in her armored glove. “Ala?” she asked, concerned, taking the key from her grasp “what's wrong?” “Just…. Go in the front, alright?” she said softly. “There's something I need to do” she had a wrenching gut feeling that something somewhere had gone wrong, she didn't know what it quite was, but it had gone sour at some point in the plan. The door was unlocked and open a little bit, it was an indication that someone knew, or at least, ala felt as much as she stared at the door. She shook her head to clear her nerves and stepped forwards, waving the valkyrie off with a hand. Rota looked like she wanted to say something, but she clenched her fist around the key and sighed. “Be safe, alright?” she said, turning on her heel to leave. The tigress looked at her a moment before turning as well, one large, fluffy paw rest on the girls shoulder for the briefest moments before she spoke. “There’s one person inside, but they’re infused with a lot of spirit energy….. You sure you don't need some help?” she asked, looking down at the smaller fox girl. She was no doubt talking about alas lack of spirit energy. She hadn none, she hadnt had it in… years now. The closest she got was the little bit of energy she got from her valkyrie friend, but that wasn't enough to sustain her. As a result she ate more and had a weaker body, but she could live. That meant nothing when she was fighting someone stocked to the full on energy. “Im fine” she said, glancing up at the tigress with the slightest hint of fear in her voice. If it was who she'd thought it was, she wouldn't need the help - or at least she hoped so. Her ears flicked as she lifted the helm up onto her head and dropped the visor with a soft clank. The jinko looked at the small, single tailed fox and sighed. “I’ll wait here, if it sounds like you’re losing, i'll be here” she said, stepping back down and nodding to the young Inari. The inari took a deep breath and stepped up to the door. She looked to be hesitant for a moment, there were a few ways she could go about this… well, she went with the most violent one. Her metal plated boot came up to her chest and she pivoted to the side, lashing out with a sideways kick. The door was already unlocked, so it was even less resistance as her forceful kick positioned at the hinges splintered the wood where the door connected to it. It was a reinforced door, but everyone always reinforced the door, never the frames. The door pivoted slightly as the latch caught in its cutaway, then gave way, the door tumbling into the room and colliding with something. That something let out a surprised gasp of pain then a growl of rage, the door splintering into millions of pieces of shrapnel that lanced across the room, imbedding themselves in the floor, ceiling, the walls, and glancing off ala’s armor, faintly scratching it. The person who’d been hit by the door was apparently sitting in a chair that blocked the entry to the rest of the building, meaning they had little time to get up and move. Ala could see the sawdust now clinging to the Youkos fine clothes, coating her exposed breasts, the small bits of wood causing a bit of blood where they embedded. Her fancy blue dress was shredded, albeit not as bad as the rest of the room was since the blast was focused out and away from her, but it brought a smile to Ala’s lips to see she’d still been hit. She couldn't help but laugh lightly at the state of her sister, the way her face twisted in rage and hate as the lightning crackled between her fingers, her finely done hair starting to stand on edge as the runes conversed around her closed fists. “YOU FUCKING BITCH!” the woman screamed at the top of her lungs as she loosed a bolt of lightning at the Inari who’d hit her with the door. It was a strong, deep purple bolt, searing with plasma and the heat around it. Ala saw it coming a mile away and sidestepped it, the blast searing the air as it thundered by her. She afforded herself a glance back at the bolt as it flew out the door and shattered the wall behind her into a series of splinters, then further reduced it to pebbles as a secondary detonation went off. That was more powerful than ala remembered it being. The armored fox stepped into the room, her hand gripping the longsword at her waist. Her eyes glanced about to the closer quarters of the room and her hand shifted. Along with the longsword, she had a companion sword that went with it, a shorter arming sword that she drew, insulated with wood and rubber around the handguard to keep the girls lightning at bay. Her other hand pulled the axe from its place on the other side of her body, hanging off her belt. “Hello dear sister” she said calmly “fancy seeing you here” she said, her voice deep an echoing due to the dark steel can she had over her head, her ears flicking and bouncing against her armored covers, her tail wagging from side to side in the excitement that always came before a fight. ----- One might say that pulling a boat into a dock was easy for an experienced seaman, but those people have never done that without power and with a massive Viking longboat. It was a short, slightly anxiety-incurring experience involving a lot of rocking and swaying; collisions with the other ships in the bay seemed to be just written off as the ships were going so slow it did next to nothing, the waves certainly didn't help, and to my untrained eyes I felt we nearly capsized twice. Either way, we made it to shore safely with only a minimal amount of waterlogged clothing. The wind rolled off the waves, full of moisture and salt that stung our eyes, causing us to turn back inland as we shuffled with the crowd. It was a nice, quiet day today, there were seagulls cawing and the sky was clear, not the slightest hint of a storm, a perfect day to explore a new city, that much was for certain. My gaze was cast over to one of the two fox girls on board with us, Madison, whom we’d picked up before getting on the ship. I had no idea she could sing, but I suppose you learn something new every day. My gaze shifted off her for a moment to take a look at the crowd of mamono, mostly feathered winged angels, but there was the odd beastman or other such non angelic race mixed in, mostly in the form of weary travellers, but those generally went to folkvangr. My gaze went back to the girls, just in time to see the antics that Madison was getting up to today. Madison seemed to dry up relatively quickly, in fact it looked as if she were smoking and steaming from the water that evaporated off of her. Once she was nice and dry, she giggled and threw herself at grace, who let out a quiet gasp. “You’re so waaaarrrmmmmm” she cooed softly into the girl's ear, snuggling up close to her, her hands sneaking around to grope at the larger woman's rather modest chest. Her fingers gripped and squeezed through the fabric, leaving me and minori to just watch. My eyes went to the fox girl for a moment, but she seemed to already be looking at me with hope in her eyes, her back slightly turned to me. I chuckled at this and shook my head. “No” I said with a smirk, getting a dejected look from the fox girl. Her tail wagged anyways, and she pressed back against me. “Not even if I ask nicely~?” she asked, fluttering her eyelashes back at me. “What? No! Well…. Maybe” I got out as she pressed back against me, her bushy tail wagging against my chest. With the height difference, I could see over her head at what her hands were up to, pressed under the cloak she wore, squeezing her own bust. “What’s with you mamono and vulgarity” I half teasingly asked her as I stepped around her. The fox doctor let out a giggle and the clap of her shoes against the wood docks rang out as she hurried to catch up. “Maddisssoooonnn” Grace called out “they’re leaving usss” she said, biting her lower lip as Madison found a sweet spot, muffling her moans and gasps as the faux human pawed at her openly in front of everyone. There were comments of “lucky” or “look there” as the Kitsune Tsuki fondled her human in broad daylight. We were indeed leaving them behind, but little to Grace's despair, Madison didn't stop, her fangs coming to nip at the girls neck as I watched. “So what?” she asked, glancing up at us with a wink. “Let them, let's get a room all of our own~” she purred, punctuating it with a nip of the girl's ear, causing the human to bashfully lurch forwards, attempting to get away from the handsy vixen. “Madison!” she cried, finally slipping out and stumbling forwards, causing the kitsune to almost fall back. She caught herself though and was right on Grace’s tail as they caught up, walking as if nothing had happened, though there was a large blush plastered across her face. She didn't seem to be entirely against it, but she was clearly quite flustered with it being done in front of so many people. “B-behind closed doors next time” she muttered quietly, causing both of the fox girls to chuckle heartily. “As you wish~” the girl purred happily as she trotted along beside the larger woman. My gaze shifted from the trio to all the mamono around on the docks. Unsurprisingly a large margin were angeloids, valkyries, cherubs, actual angels, there were others too that I didn't recognize on my first visit, ones with bows and arrows, I could tell they were different based on their wings for the most part. That was about it, I couldn't tell what it was that made them different in particular. I turned to the fox girl, “hey Minori” I started “how many types of angels are there?” She tilted her head with a soft “Hrrrrmmm,” Her tail swished as she pattered along in her vaguely nurse-like outfit, I was only seeing it now because she had her jacket off now that the sun was up. It would seem she was much better suited for the environment than I was, and a glance over at Grace saw the person that it ended up with. “I believe…. seven? Angels, cupids, houri, cherubs, sun brides, valkyries, and seraphim?” she said, tilting her head to the side. “No, twelve” Madison corrected, getting a surprised glance from everyone present. Her eyes widened and she looked around “what!? I'm not allowed to know things? I read it in that pink encyclopedia of yours” she huffs as she crosses her arms, upturning her nose snootily. “you missed the shinan and There are fallen variants of every angel except the cupids, the seraphim, and the houri” she harrumphs, “generally an opposite…. I think…. I'm not 100% certain on that one… of course, there could be more we don't know of, too” she says with a shrug. Minori seems to fall a little quiet at that as she brings a finger up to her chin with a soft humm. “Well, angels in general are…. Odd. we discover more mamono every year due to various reasons-” “Probably mutation and isolation” Madison cuts in, seemingly excited over it. Minori doesn't seem to know what she means by that and continues her lecture. “... various reasons…. Where was I? Oh yes, angels themselves seem to evolve rapidly for some odd reason, like the valkyrie for example.” The fox girl seems to have launched into full on lecture mode, her eyes scanning the crowd. She suddenly shouts out pointing to two girls who don't seem to notice at first then look at her. “Hey you!” she shouts to get their attention. “....yes?” a voluptuous pink winged girl was picked out of the crowd. She looked dianty and womanly, while the other one was wearing half plate armor with bluish wings. The blue winged girl was muscular and toned. “Did you need something, miss?” The muscular woman asks curiously, but minori pays them no mind. “See these two?” She asks our trio of humans. “What’s the difference between these two lovely ladies?” said lovely ladies were currently confused but intrigued with whatever was happening, likely because there were three- two and a half - humans involved. Grace was the first to speak up. “Would it be their muscular structure?” she asked curiously. “Somewhat” the fox girl answered. “Their wings then?” Madison chimed in, glancing between their wings. The two girls, unsure of what to do, opened them with blushes on their faces, showing off the exact same wing structure to us. That was when I put in my two cents. “It's gotta be their job, right?” I said, getting two glances from the girls next to me as if they couldn't believe I would even say such a thing. “Once again, you’re half right.” she said with a soft, dainty giggle. “Valkyries are actually a new species… er… kindof. they’re a subspecies of angel, as you know, and they’re warriors, as you also know. They only came into proper being around a thousand years ago with a viking incursion, they were the four winged ishim I do believe the story is. With that incursion, what was known as the ishim had a slight shift… well, it's not documented, it's more speculation on my part. Either way, the aura of bravery and Valor, I think thats what sets the valkyries apart from the older ishim…. I-i've never met an Ishim so I don't know… e-either way! Valkyries and angels are two different species,” she said, articulating her words with brief puffs of magic or motioning to the two angels next to her. “Valkyries were just fighting angels, the protectors of the tribe. Theoretically there should be no real difference between these two ladies, yet the valkyrie has two sets of wings that meld into the one” she pauses to motion to the two next to her once more. “So why is it that these two are different species? Why are dark angels monsters while angels aren't? What even are angels? They don't run on demonic energy, but rather spirit energy directly.” The fox girl asks a series of rapidfire theoretical questions at us, and I can tell poor Madison's head is starting to swim. “The theory I have…. Well…. I think that has something to do with the great human kingdoms twenty thousand years ago” she says, motioning out to the massive ocean behind us. The confusion was practically visible between us three at this, and grace was the first to clear the cobwebs and speak up. “The great-what-now?” she asked, looking back over the ocean as if she might see another land she had been missing all this time “OH!” Minori said with a sudden bout of realization “the archipelago we stand on, it's an old, old land that used to belong to much more than just mamono. There were human empires, kingdoms, could you imagine that? A land with nothing bu-'' she pauses as she looks at us again "offworlders right. Anyways! Angels, humans, and mamono, these were the main races that dominated the land, but no one really got along with the mamono. All I can find states mamono as vicious, man-stealing beasts which the other races hated, but as you can see, that's improved significantly- The angels and mamono even worked together with later crises. The humans in particular often made pacts with these angels, or so I've put together from various translated accounts. With that…. Well, I don't know I need more research, more ruins to look over here on asgard, the mainland, everywhere, but i know something happened to cause the sudden decline of everything. There were clear attempts to stop it, whatever it was, i just don't know what IT is. There has to be some event, some trigger…. Maybe the mamono just overwhelmed them? Maybe the humans just… died off to sickness, maybe they were not managed properly. We still feel the impacts today, so something must have gone wrong for this to happen…" Her speech left us all with nothing to say as we mulled over her words, thinking about what they would mean for us, and for the angels in particular. The two she had been using to explain things with, looked rather uncomfortable, as if they didn't know what to do with what they had just heard. We would have to come back to this later when we were in a place where we could speak of the past with whatever it was minori had, I was quite interested in it “Look what do you say we get off this dock? I saw a quaint little bakery on the way into town the other day, how about there for a snack and then we do some window shopping?” madison says suddenly, catching all of us off guard with the sudden change in topic. This had the added effect of causing grace to…. Look confused and uneasy. It was only there for a moment, but I know what I saw. “Oh yeah!” grace said “the Flint ‘n’ Feather, right?” she asks the girl “the one we went to the first time we got to valhalla?” she asks, once again a predatory gaze in her eyes as she starts to walk behind Madison who’s leading the way. Something's up here, something seems off and I can't quite put my finger on why. Grace was suspicious of Madison for…. Some reason, I just couldn't tell what. “Yeah!” Madison said, spinning around and clapping her gloved hands together “I really enjoyed their food, they’ve got a good chef” she said, giggling as she walked backwards through the crowd. Her eyes then narrowed and I saw the hint of foxfire in them “and enjoyed what we did after even more…. Think we can do it again sometime?” she asked with the sweetest purr, causing grace to blush even deeper. The fox and I both smiled at this, a quick glance at her wagging tail told me she was enjoying the show, her soft little giggles heard even by human ears. I shook my head and focused my gaze elsewhere, like at the two slightly flabbergasted angels that were not sure what to do with themselves. The fox girl shooed the two away, passing a few coins for their assistance…. I idly wondered if minori could afford that before remembering she ran an apothecary… next to a place of constant war. “Oh hey” Grace said suddenly, pointing off into an alleyway “here this is a shortcut.” she said, grabbing madison and pulling her along. The girl didn't resist, only grinned as she was pulled along. Me and minori quickly followed behind them, not wanting to lose them, but we were totally unprepared for what we’d see in the alleyway. Grace had Madison - For all intents and purposes her best friend - pinned up against the wall, using her larger stature to quite literally lift her off her feet with a knee between her legs. At first I thought it was just flirting, but the forearm pressed into the girl's neck along with the sleek black blade that drew a thin line of blood, glinting off the sun that cast down the not so dark alleyway. To any outsider it would just look like flirting, Grace clearly knew this, but Madison just smiled…. Was she into this kind of thing? Minori let out a confused squeak and reached back for her own blade as I slid my hand to the sheath at my hip, the tanto was the knife I carried around now. It went well with the outfit I was trying to sell and…. It was just nice having it on me. Of course the pocket knife was still there, just harder to get to rapidly. “Grace?” I called out to her, trying to get a better picture of what the hell she was doing. “want to put Madison down?” I asked cautiously, taking a slow step forwards as she cast her eyes over at us. “It's not madison” she growled, pressing the knife against the woman's neck, blood dripping down from the thin wound of the sharp blade digging into her throat. she was seething in rage as she looked at the woman pinned against the wall, her eyes narrowing as the girl grinned back at her. |
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