New
Nov 27, 2019 4:39 PM
#1
| AN - Im fairly new to this so I do expect some errors >.> CH1 - winter wonderland I woke up with a start, my hand reaching up to rub my eyes clear of the buildup that resided there. I took a glance at the house and sighed, finding everything there was where it should have been. I had just been resting on the couch and seemed to have fallen asleep to the gentle drone of music from the radio and the din of the television in front of me. I was still half asleep, but when the breaking news tone came across the screen my eyes focused in on it. “This just in, tensions rise between America and China over the occupation of Africa, there are reports of small scale conflict between the US Marines and the current ground forces deployed by the CC-” the tv went off as I pressed the power button on the remote. This was stuff I had already known, I didn't need the extra noise. my buddies still active in the service had relayed such information to me and it had been happening for a while... and yet no one seemed to know about it at all. Well, at least there were mentions of it now, that was good. I nodded to myself as I stood, a kink in my neck that I got out with a roll of my shoulders. I glanced at my phone to check the time and weather… It was late, but the weather was nice… it was good running weather. I glanced down at the re-enlistment papers scattered across the coffee table and picked one up. I gave it a quick glance and I nodded before stepping over to the old cardboard box in the corner of the room. My go bag was next to it and I gave it a glance over before nodding and closing it up. It had my survival radios, my medical supplies, and some spare rations down in the bottom for if I were to ever get lost. I had enough stuff to survive a week on my own. I grabbed it and pulled it out of the pile, looking down at those old BDUs I glanced outside at the wind pulling at the trees, then at my simple shorts and t-shirt. I sighed again before picking the old cloth up and shaking it off. I undid the buttons then slipped it on as I keyed the radio set on the electric heater that was the centerpiece of my living room, mocked up to look like a fireplace. “-is forty - seven degrees…… precipitation chance, three percent….” the weather, good thing I caught it on that rotation, I thought as I switched it off. I finished the buttons on the shirt and then smoothed it down, fastening the ones about my wrists then moving on to the pants and pulling them up. I grabbed a pair of hiking boots that lay next to it and pulled them onto my feet. I tapped my toe against the ground to make sure my foot was secure and nodded, repeating the process with the other one. Next came the heavy vest he hadnt worn in ages, much like the uniform. It had his normal IFAK on it, as well as a set of medical scissors and some pliers. A green and black medical emblem was on the center of it above the magazine pouches… looking at it trudged up bad memories, mostly of my hands covered in those rubber gloves and blood and… things i'd rather not recall. I shook my head to clear it, thinking of other more important things, like what I was going to eat for lunch… dinner, it was too late for lunch, or so my clock told me. I slipped the vest over my head and nodded, the heavy weight comforting over my ribcage. I reached up to fix my collar so the vest wouldn't rub, then grabbed the pack and slung it over my shoulders. I picked up the heavy kevlar helmet that was at the bottom of the box and slipped it over my head. The weight was just as comforting as the rest of the gear. It had been quite some time since I had worn this stuff… I would have to get used to it. I moved to the pantry and grabbed a few more emergency rations. When going out on a run it never did hurt to be extra prepared. I stepped back to the table and gathered up the scattered papers, packing them in order then slipping them into the manilla folder they had to be shipped in. I gave a sweep of the small building to make sure everything was in order and nodded. Everything was turned off and put away like it should have been. I turned to the door and sighed as I killed the last light then stepped out into the biting wind. … The crunch of leaf underfoot and branches snapping along with the scuff of boots on the earthen floor slowed as I came to a walk. I looked around and frowned. Little crystals of white snow were falling… “well” I muttered “I suppose 3% chance is still a chance” I shook my head and pressed on. This path looped around back to my backyard so it should have been fine. Who knew that those machines over at the weather stations were going to be so off. I shuddered at the cold and pulled the heavy vest closer to my chest as I pushed on, picking up the pace. I dropped my head and broke off into more of a run, my white breath billowing out of my mouth with each huff. The air got colder and colder and the snow piled up higher and higher… this definitely wasn’t some mistake, something was horribly wrong here. We never got snow in the fall like this, the last time that had happened was at least twenty years ago. The hairs on my neck stood and my hand reflexively slid down to the holster in which my pistol sat. my state was open carry legal, so I had slipped my carry pistol down there for the run. Coyotes were quite common in these woods, and should I have run into them, usually just a shot or two would scare them off. That wasn't the issue though. The issue was the fact that it wasnt there… my hand recoiled in shock and I slid to a stop in the ice and snow. I looked down at my holster and found my gun not there in fact, just…. Dust piled up in the holster… I gaped at the holster for a minute before I slipped off the path and into a rut in the ground. It was then that I got a decent look at the trees. I was surrounded by pines, something my home had very few of. My front yard had a tall evergreen, but that was one of the only ones I knew. This… was much different. “Whatever, deal with that later” I muttered to myself as I slipped my bag off my shoulders and set it down in the snow. I undid the latches and opened it, taking stock of my situation. There was a similar dust coating on all my things, so I pulled each one out and inspected each carefully. An emergency radio set, or rather, the case was there. There was a multi-tool, paracord, and an emergency blanket. The radios themselves were... dust, just like my pistol. I was starting to get an idea of what had happened as I pulled the next thing out. A knife in a leather sheath. I was happy this hadn't disintegrated, It had been a gift from my late grandfather. I unsnapped the retainer and pulled the dagger from its covering, the curved blade of a Tanto glinting in the sunlight. I nodded and slid it back in and then slipped it into one of the magazine pouches on my vest. I still had my K-bar from my gear, those knives were hard to beat, though the steel blade certainly did its best to beat the composite knife. Next out was a set of MREs, enough for a week in the woods. That wasn't much to check, I couldn't see any dust there, so I had to assume all was good. Next was my personal medical supplies, I could treat anything that might arise in the field, from simple cuts to broken bones as well as most easily curable illnesses… Well, that would have been true if everything had been there. Most of it was, but there were a few things missing. I quickly sifted through the different items in search of the penicillin. I sighed as I found it and nodded before closing the kit. It would do for now, up until I hit a town where I could replace it. Then under it all in the wet weather bag was the extreme cold and wet weather gear. I sighed in relief at the sight of it and pulled the two rolls out of the bottom. I shook off the dust and undid the clasps keeping them tightly rolled before standing and throwing them on. Sure the vest was still on but it didn't matter, so long as the wet weather gear was around me to trap the heat. I stepped into the pants and belted it all down as tight as I could, sealing in the heat by synching in the wrists and ankles around the gloves and boots I wore. It helped a little immediately, but it likely wouldn't last for overly long without any under layers. With that done, I sifted through the dust for the rest of my stuff, but to no avail there was nothing else. I shook my head and moved on to the other sections. I pulled out spare bandages, a compass, a firestarter, and a tourniquet, but there wasn't much else in that pocket, either. I went down to the next one and pulled a few multitools and a set of hand warmers out… that was about it. I ripped open one of the packages and placed the two warmers in my hands, then fumbled over them to put everything up- that is after I upturned the bags to dump everything out of them. Once I was all set, I took in my surroundings. Lots of trees and very few landmarks… I shook my head and looked down at my bag, then up at the tree I had slipped under. I undid the velcro of the vest and slid one of my hands under the cold weather top, clipping the retaining buckle that kept the plate together. It fell off my shoulders into my hands, and I pulled the front ofnthe vest off first, then the back. After both were out, I reclasped them and dropped them into the snow, then let my helmet drop in the snow next to it. It had my Shovel folded up on it on the back as well as my surgeon's kit. I opened that and did a quick glance over to make sure everything was in place. An Ifak was there on my vest as well… okay, that was decent to start with. With naught but my simple clothes I swung myself up on the thick branches, climbing up the sticky sap laden tree, coming off on my gloves. Luckily I didn't have to worry about the bark biting into my hands, not that it would have been that bad if I hadn't had them. The bark seemed rather smooth and undisturbed, it made for a nice climbing experience. I soon found my way to the top of the tree, looking out over the sea of green and white. The tree I had picked wasn't the tallest, but it was certainly up there. I pulled the compass from my pocket to get my bearings and pick out a few landmarks. A massive tree was to my direct east, and there was a second slightly smaller one to almost direct north. I sighed at the lack of anything else to go off of, just trees as far as the eye could see…. Which admittedly isn't too far due to the snow. My white breath was torn away by the wind, and I watched it drift off into the grey of the sky. After gazing at it for a few minutes, I realized It shouldn't have lasted as long as it did and I continued looking. It wasn't my breath that I was looking at, rather it was smoke. White smoke like someone burning wet wood or wood laden with sap like the pines around me. There was someone alive out here other than me. I scrambled back down the tree and landed with a crunch of the snow next to my gear. It would take some time to reach the source of the smoke, especially in this weather, but that wasn't going to stop me from trying. I slipped on my vest and pulled the backpack onto my back and tightened it down. I reached back to touch my quick deploy things and nodded. “Onward, I suppose” I muttered to myself, starting to walk. The different area had me nervous, the hairs on the back of my neck standing as I trekked through the lacking undergrowth of this alpine forest. It was a surreal sight to say the least, without much undergrowth I could see quite far into the forest. Even out in what I would assume to be an alpine forest, the forest was rife with life. Small white birds danced across the ground, sometimes flitting up to the trees and back down, eating berries from the bushes around. There were bigger animals that I caught glimpses of, a deer of some kind, an elk or reindeer perhaps, those seemed to be the most likely. I walked on still as I watched the wildlife, a few foxes jumping through the snow. The animals were not afraid of me, it was as if they were unaccustomed to human life out here. Snow hares hopped right up to me if I was still, and foxes dashed by me, uncaring, diving into the snow after the rabbits they were chasing. Elk, and they were elk instead of reindeer, walked by without much care for me. It was almost as If I weren't there. They treated me as another dweller of the forest, another animal. That confused me, especially when you took the fire into account, It surely wasn't that far off that the animals weren’t wary of me. I pondered on this as I walked, my compass out to keep the direction. I walked for almost a mile, looking at the various wildlife out here. It was.. Interesting to say the least. There were all kinds of new and interesting creatures about, like the horned rabbit I had been staring at for the past few minutes. It was a bit larger than a normal rabbit, with a singular black horn nestled atop its head. Its ears flicked every which way. I realized it was frightened by…. Something, and the rest of the animals had disappeared as well…. That wasn't good at all… generally that would mean some predator was around. I reached up and gently slid my combat knife from its sheath on my vest, startling the horned rabbit. It jumped and skipped away from me, dashing off through the thick snow and leaving a clear trail to follow. I calmed my breathing for a moment and listened, trying to figure out what had scared off all the wildlife. There was the crunch of snow underfoot, though it wasn't by any human. No It was much too quiet for that, and I could hear 2 sets of legs, marking whatever it was as a quadrupede… which out here meant either a bear or a coyote. It was big so I could probably rule out a coyote… which meant it had to have been a bear. Slowly I turned towards the sound I probably shouldn't have. Standing there was the largest cat I’d ever seen in person. It had fangs longer than any knife on my person and its breath came out a foggy grey. It had white fur and large, dagger-like claws. It was the most horrifying thing I'd ever seen up close and personal: staring down the muzzle of a handgun was nothing compared to the lithe, aggressive killing machine in front of me. It let out a low growl as it stalked forwards, low to the ground ready to pounce while I too lowered my body into a combat stance. I took a step back - escape was preferable to conflict but…. Well, I was very unlikely to outrun one of these. My gun was gone, but I had knives, two actually. I wasn't a two weapon specialist, but I was trained in the art of knife combat enough. I snapped one of the buttons on my vest and then the one on the Tanto sheath within it, and I pulled the foot-long weapon from its sheath and held it in my off hand. The K-Bar was in my other hand and I held it up over my shoulder, waiting for the beast to get within range. It crossed the distance threshold of 20 feet and I moved, my arm lashed out and the combat knife left it, hurtling through the air and carving a deep wound into the things front left leg. It let out a pained screech and lunged the remaining feet, tackling me to the ground, practically shrugging off the seven inches of steel that was buried deep into its shoulder. Its claws dug into the shoulders of my clothes and its head lunged for my throat with the worst smell I'd ever experienced, smelling of sweet rot and gore from its latest kill. My arm went up and pressed against the thing's neck, holding it up and away from my face as it tried to overpower me. It was massive and most certainly stronger than any human I’d ever met, but that wasn't exactly surprising, it was a massive predator after all. I pressed my arm deeper against its neck, the elbow jabbing against its throat. It made a gurgling noise as it lunged down at me, slipping off my arm. With all luck… or lack of it, it bit into my right arm. I let out an admittedly unmanly scream of pain as its massive fangs sank deep into the flesh, my world turned white for a moment as I moved. My left hand raised over its head and flipped the dagger around into a backwards hold before I pulled it down with all my strength. There was a sickening squelch and a whimper of fear and pain from the beast as the massive dagger punched into the back of the cats skull. It had a tough skull but a tanto could punch through armor, it had only a little difficulty punching through to get to the more delicate parts of the creature. It spasmed, shaking me as it lashed about in its death throes. It always depended on what the knife hit in the brain, the thing was still alive, even with several inches of steel buried into its brain. I had to grit my teeth and bear with it as it lashed about, its blood spilling across me as it dripped off its head and onto me. In about 30 seconds, I felt like I had been shook enough that my joints had come apart, everything felt loose and my arm was either dislocated or broken. The adrenaline pumped through me and I patted the thing on reflex, I don't know If I wanted to make sure it was dead or… make sure I wasn't. When I was quite sure I wasn't dead and that the thing indeed was, I heaved a sigh of relief. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't, as with that single breath the adrenaline started to fade and my entire body screamed white hot in pain. I'd been shot at before, but I'd never actually been hit and this was far worse than I had ever imagined it to be. I had ro reach up and pry the things jaw open which only pulled more grunts and groans from my lips. It took two tries, but I finally got it and pushed it away. I scrambled for my first aid kit and pulled out a few pieces of gauze wrap. This was going to hurt like a bitch, and I really didn't want to strain more than I had to. I popped it into my mouth and bit down hard to keep from both screaming out and causing more damage. I knew there were plenty of arteries and veins in the arm- though unlikely that they would get hit, if they even got so much as nicked I would be bleeding out in a matter of minutes. I grunted out as I peered at the wound. It was deep and the blood kept flowing, so I could only do one thing. I looked away and grit my teeth against the pieces of cloth in my mouth and started to pack the wound, shoving the bits of gauze into it. The pain made me want to vomit, the squelching noise that accompanied it certainly werent helping. I stopped once or twice to catch my breath in the middle of it, the adrenaline hadnt died down yet but the pain was still very nearly unbearable. Even with the pain, I got it done and wrapped it all up with a bandage to keep the pressure on the wound. With that done, I rolled onto my non injured arm and pushed myself up out of the thick snow. Today was going to be a rough day, I could feel it. My first clue that something was off was the snow. The last thing I remembered was running through autumn leaves on my way back home from a jog in full kit sans rifle as i was in city limits… at the time. Now i had no idea where I was. I stood and looked around for any sign of civilization, but there really was nothing around… pines as far as I could see, which was the second thing wrong. Pines were not very common in my area. ‘Pines?’ I thought as I looked to the pines with a grin, searching for the tallest in my general area. I found one and grabbed a low hanging branch, swinging myself up onto it and steadying myself. Within the pine needles it was much warmer than the icy blast outside, but, I had learned to assess the situation before worrying about such things. I climbed until I could see above the trees, and then, even higher, until I reached the top of the tree as it swayed in the wind. I tested the strength of a nearby limb and slipped my pack off my shoulders, hanging it there. I looked to the right and started scanning the area, finding nothing. ‘I really am alone’, i thought sighing. My breath came out a smokey white and that reminded me to check for smoke, which I scanned once more for. As luck would have it, there was some fire off in the distance, its white hue against the clouds and snow made it hard to notice at first. I sighed again, looking at the size of the stack. It was due northeast, if my compass read correctly. Either it was a really small fire or really far off. Judging by the amount of treetops between me and it, it was the latter. I sighed again, unclipping the canteen from my belt and bringing it to my lips. ‘Dammit’ i cursed.Nothing. The canteen was frozen. Though my battle dress uniform, bdus, were heavy and warm canvas, they had little heat trapping capabilities. I raised my collar, buttoned up my last two buttons, and cinched in my sleeves and pants, hoping for some semblance of heat retention. I grabbed my pack and climbed back down, jumping the last few branches and scanning the area for potential threats. I pulled my compass from its spot on my plate carrier, and checked it, following northeast at a trot, checking it every few hundred yards. That smoke was the only sign of civilization, and possibly the only way I could think to get someone to explain this. the plants aside from the pines were completely alien to me, there were heart shaped berries and things that felt like they were covered in frost despite the lack of water to coat them. the animals were also odd. there was a fox with horns drinking from a stream perpendicular to me. when it saw me it scampered off. i caught sight of what appeared to be a sabertooth tiger, too. two large incisors dug into the flesh of one of those horned foxes. i continued on my way after making a detour around it. 'where the hell am I? I wondered as i trudged through the snow. extinct animals, horned foxes, weird plants, this place made no sense. oh on top of all that, My measurement of distance was way off. I had been going for an hour and I still had not reached the source of the smoke. As i thought to myself what my mistake in calculation might have been, my foot sank much deeper than before. I paused with my foot still through whatever it was that I stepped in. looking down, it was ice, and I could feel the water seeping into my boot as it overflowed from the top. Fantastic. I pulled it from the water and kept on, ignoring the coldness as it seeped into my bones. I continued on for another ten minutes before I broke out into a clearing. There was a cozy little log cabin nestled into the shadow of a rock, what would be the stream that I stepped in before seemed to also end up here. Shivering now, I stepped up to the door and knocked, knowing someone had to be home with this fire going. There was a racket inside as someone fumbled for something, probably a weapon. I pulled the knife from my belt as a last stand should I need it. “Hello!” I called out. “I'm a little lost… could you point me towards the nearest city?” I said as the door unlocked with a heavy clunk. “U-uhm” a quiet voice answered as the door swung open slightly. One deep blue eye stared back at mine, and I could see a bit of white or silver hair from between the cracks. “How do I know you wont hurt me” she said, probably holding some kind of weapon in her hand. I raised my hands in surrender, and pulled the knife out from behind my back. I set it down on the step and backed away, hands still raised. She opened the door and I finally saw her full frame. She stood five foot seven or eight, with dazzling blue eyes and snow white hair. I couldn't see her body type through the thick black robes she wore. I couldn't put my finger on her nationality, she had a more european look to her, but she certainly wasn't based on the shape of her face. It was strange, as if she were some new nationality never before seen. What really drew my attention were the fox-like ears and the fluffy tail that was swishing behind her. What the hell have I gotten myself into, I wondered, staring at the beautiful girl’s heart shaped face. My eyes were next drawn to the silver axe in her hand, and i found it odd that she would use that over a gun or some other easier to use self defense item. Then it all started to sink in. maybe this wasn't earth. I shook my head, thinking that's a stupid idea, but it would explain the random waking up in the snow, her nationality being one that I couldn't place, the nordic design - nordic. Her nationality was nordic. She looked like a valkyrie from one of those old paintings, thin nose, large, beautiful eyes, Very pretty to boot.... the only thing that was off were her foxish traits. my eyes fell back to that axe. Had she used that axe on me, my head would have split like a melon, even with a helmet on. It appeared to be a danish axe... so... “Where did you come from?” she demanded, kicking the knife inside the house with the heel of her foot. She took a step out into the snow, her robes falling a little looser as she did. The axe was still held out to her side, it was clear she was ready to come swinging if i tried anything. I put my hands on the top of my helmet and waited for her to get to me and look me over. “Miss, i have no idea where I am and my clothes are not suited for this kind of weather.” I said, letting it show in a bit of a forced shiver. It didn't really bother me, but I was bound to be sick if I stayed wet in all this. “Can we continue this inside?” I asked. |
venomwolfSep 9, 2022 2:17 PM
Nov 28, 2019 2:29 AM
#2
| Nice and compact first chapter. I do have a couple questions, but they might be answered in the next chapter. Happy to see a new story start here! XD |
Nov 28, 2019 8:13 AM
#3
| CH 2 - over the river and through the woods “Yes, please, come in.” she said with a sigh as she lowered her weapon. “Im keeping the axe though” she said raising it at me threateningly. I chuckled and went inside and picked up the knife with two fingers. She let out a growl as I did so, so I raised my hands again and put it back down. I sat down on the hardwood floor, near the fireplace looking up at her, and she stood, looking down, a glare fixed on her face. “How did you get here?” she demanded again, her tail swishing back and forth so quick I could hear it. She was either pissed, scared, excited, or a combination of the three. “I don't know… i just sort of, woke up.” I explained how I had gotten here and what I had done, her gaze softened as I spoke, and she eventually put the weapon down and sat in a nearby chair, crossing her legs. The axe was leaned against it, so she must have thought she could get to it before I could do anything. “So youre a new human? ” she asked softly, her tail swishing in either excitement or anxiety. “The hell is a new human?” I asked, glancing about the room. There was little to no decoration, but it seemed this was her living room. A door to another room with a bed in it was slightly cracked open. There was a plate on the table. It seemed she had either been getting ready to eat or she kept the table set like i had heard people in medieval times did. There was a longsword hanging on the wall with a shield in front of it. Armor of some kind lay in the corner, set up on a stand. It had scratches and chips on it, but it would probably have been a decent set of armor back then. She seemed to enjoy collecting medieval things, from what I could tell. My eyes fell to the axe by her side again, wondering why she might have used that instead of the sword on the wall. Perhaps it was just the first thing shed grabbed, or the sword is decorative. “Well…. I don't exactly know.” she said looking away sheepishly “all I really know is they sometimes appear here in Atalantheis ” she finished, picking up her axe by the head. She took it over to the door and set it against the doorframe. She sighed and stretched out as i tried to process what I had just heard. ‘That's not possible’ I thought, wracking my brain for more information as to how I got here. “I know something like that would be hard to process, but you won't find anyone to tell you different,” she said, starting to calm down “i-im actually one of the only living mamono in the next…. Mile or so? So finding civilization from here would be quite the task alone.” she said. “If you should wish, I shall accompany you to the nearest town.” she said as she locked the door once more. “F-for now, would you care to eat? I can answer any questions you may have while we do” she said motioning to the table. “Y-yeah, thank you” I replied with a nod. “Would you happen to have any clothes I can borrow?” I asked, looking at the darkness of the ankles of my pants where the water had seeped in. “No... but i can work something out, please, change out of those and leave them by the fire to dry.” she said, turning towards the back room. The door closed and locked, which I guess was fair. I stripped out of my wet clothes, staring into the fire as I tried to figure out where exactly I was. Sure it felt like another world, and those fox traits certainly looked real. But my mind just couldn't accept it, not without seeing more. ‘That's what I’ll do, I'll go to the nearest city and confirm for myself.’ I nodded to myself as i pulled the heavy helmet off my head and followed it by dropping the pack off my back. The plate carrier went next, followed by the boots and bdus. I peeled off the sweat soaked shirt that had frozen to my skin and set it on the floor next to the fire to dry out. I wasn't concerned with my bdus, as they wouldn't stay wet for long. I looked into my pack to see what else I might have on me. So far my list of useful items tallied off my knife and a compass, and I had forgotten what all I had in the bag. “You are done, I hope” the fox said, keeping me from looking into my bag. I hadn't even heard her come out of her room. She didn't seem ashamed in the slightest about seeing me without clothes, and it struck me as odd, even after all she'd told me. She tossed a cloak to me, it was better than going without it that was for sure. I slipped it around my shoulders and clipped it in place. It was basically a giant pancho, not much else to it. She motioned for me to take a seat, and I did just that, sitting opposite to her. “O-oh! I-I haven't properly introduced myself, have I?”she said sliding her plate over to me and getting up to get another. “I am ala, inari.” she said as she sat back down. “A beast type mamono, we have the traits of foxes… as you can tell.” she said reaching up to grab the tip of her ear. “That's about it really, i'll leave the rest for conversation on the way to the city,” she said as she picked up A piece of meat with her fingers and bit into it. “What about you?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “Ah, im blake watts” i said eyeing the oddly shaped bird warily. Eventually I gave in and took a bite. It was pretty good, tasted like duck. “former corporal in the US army.” I said taking a bite of food as I thought about what that would mean. “I... don't recognise that land” she said with a nod. “mn”, I replied, lapsing into thought. as hard as it is to belive she doesn't sound like she's lying “Further evidence to you being an other worlder” she said, picking up more food off her plate. “I guess so” I said as my plate slowly lost the food that was on it. “Y-you do know people will want you… for a few reasons,” she said with a blush, looking away “And what might those be?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. “W-well, men are… exceptionally rare here in Alanthesis. Us mamono are a primarily female species… well there are exceptions. But we require males to breed… my father once told me ‘it's as if the world is filled with Amazons’” she said, polishing off the rest of her meal. ‘Oh, interesting. So finding some lone male like me out in the- oh’ i shot up and started backing away from the fox. “Oh sit back down, I have no interest in you” she said with a wave of her hand as she drank. “Most others would kill for a find like this. I have no need for such hassle… unless” a dark glint appeared in her eye as she looked me up and down. “Unless what” i asked, keeping my distance. “I'm just messing with you,” she said with a giggle. “Like I said, no interest in men. Which means you couldn't have found a better partner” “Is that so?” I asked, eyeing her warily “Mhmm, with someone close to you you wont get picked up by nearly as many mamono” she said with a sagely nod. “Fine then… shall we move tonight or what?” I asked with another sigh. “Hmm… i… I think we should stay, it gets much colder overnight. W-we should leave first thing in the morning.” she said turning on her heel. “Firewood is there, blankets are in that closet, s-sleep well” she stuttered at the end for whatever reason. “Yeah night” I said as she closed and locked her door. I got a blanket and set it out next to the fireplace. I stared into the fire for the next few hours, tossing in more firewood periodically as I thought about my current situation. |
venomwolfFeb 26, 2020 7:22 AM
Nov 28, 2019 9:55 AM
#4
TsunamiSeeker said: Nice and compact first chapter. I do have a couple questions, but they might be answered in the next chapter. Happy to see a new story start here! XD What questions do you have? Ask away~ |
venomwolfNov 28, 2019 12:34 PM
Nov 28, 2019 10:17 AM
#5
| My questions were mainly going to be about her reaction. Why she didn't jump on him the moment she found out a human was basically presented to her on a silver platter. Or at least acted more seductively or flirtatiously once Ala realised Blake probably wasn't a threat. But instead still acted more cautiously and nervously. But now that Ala herself has said she has no romantic interest in him, it kind of answers my question. Now my only question is why she doesn't have an interest in him... But. Again. That will probably be answered in future chapters. |
Nov 28, 2019 8:01 PM
#6
| First let me welcome you to the club and welcome you to the MSG. It is always a joyful moment when a new writer decides to try his or her hand on writing a story. As for some feedback on your first two posts. I'll start with some technical stuff:
Now for some feedback on the story itself:
Ow, one last correction: mamono are an entirely female species rather than a primarily female species. Futas are still considered female even if they have some "man parts" too, so as a little warning: don't think you can't knock up a futa :-P |
MetallumOperaturNov 28, 2019 8:08 PM
Nov 28, 2019 8:14 PM
#7
MetallumOperatur said: First let me welcome you to the club and welcome you to the MSG. It is always a joyful moment when a new writer decides to try his or her hand on writing a story. As for some feedback on your first two posts. I'll start with some technical stuff:
Now for some feedback on the story itself:
Ow, one last correction: mamono are an entirely female species rather than a primarily female species. Futas are still considered female even if they have some "man parts" too, so as a little warning: don't think you can't knock up a futa :-P thanks for all the feedback, I think I know what I want to do title wise, and ill give it a look over for grammar and punctuation, thank you |
Nov 30, 2019 5:21 PM
#8
| AN - so im going to mostly post these on Saturdays, gives me more time to work on them and give people a break between posts Ch3 - you know what they say about wolves in the forest. When I woke, ala was already awake, dressed in that armor I had seen on the stand before. She had the axe on her hip and the sword on her other hip. The shield was strapped to her arm and she had a brown travel bag on her back. “You ready?” she asked, looking me up and down once more. “Not yet, i need to get dressed.” I responded with a yawn. I didn't get too much sleep last night. After I got dressed, she threw a piece of salted meat at me and we were on our way…. On a 5 mile walk. I guess it's not that far, but it would take us a while to get there if we walked. “Do you run, ala?” I asked her as we left the clearing. “Every morning” she nodded. She looked small, even in the heavy winter clothing she wore… though she wasn't much shorter than me. Her presence just wasn't really there. If I looked away, I felt I might lose track of her. “Care for a race?” I asked extending my hand like I might ask for a dance at a ball. “Only if you want to lose,” she replied. “Five miles, you know? You think you can go that long?” she said with a coy grin in my direction. “Yeah I think I can manage” I nodded “Annnnd go!” she took off at a speed of about double-time marching, and i paced her. We were racing the whole way there so neither one of us wanted to burn ourselves out. ‘This is bliss. Nothing but great open road, a nice snowy day, and a partner to run with’ I thought. The snow crunching underfoot was music to my ears, and im sure a smile was on my balaclava covered face. I only wished I had some better clothes. ‘It's not too bad, but, that's just training’ I thought, watching the bushy tail of the girl in front of me. Even in armor she was moving pretty quick, so she must have been pretty fleet-footed. A bridge was coming up to cross a stream, but there seemed to be some kind of checkpoint there. We slowed to a trot as we came up to the barricade, neither one of us were panting, though my breathing was a little heavier than when we started. “Halt!” one of the leather clad women said. I couldn't see her face due to the mask… nor could i see what she was due to the cloak over her shoulders. All I could tell is that she was feminine “The toll is three gold” she said drawing her sword.a sword, what an odd thing to use…. Ala called herself an inari, there's no trace of modern technology, they're using swords for God's sake…. This might actually be another world. I pondered it for a moment, but I had bigger things to worry about. Something told me she wasn't a guard of whatever country we were in. “Stay back, i'll handle this” ala said, stepping forward to confront the guard. “When was this put in?” she asked, hand on the hilt of her sword, ready to draw. “Last month” the girl said with a growl. “it wasn't here when I came through five days ago.” ala said, drawing her sword. “Just pay the damned fine” the girl said, raising her sword into a combat stance. It seemed as if this was indeed a fake, probably a bandit. I pulled my knife preparing for a fight, when i heard two more low growls behind me. With their cloaks off i could see the fur covering their arms and legs, as well as the canine ears and tails. The tails were stock still while the ears were flattened back against their heads, both girls were coming with their teeth bared. “We can discuss this can't we?” I asked. Definitely another world The one on the right laughed and held back, meaning she was either up to something or the left one wanted a one on one “This would go so much easier for you if you just put that little knife down.” the one on the left said before lunging. I almost didn't see her. As soon as she lunged, I backpedaled, falling over my own feet in shock. Within moments she was on top of me, but I knew what I needed to do. I planted my foot right into her solar plexus as she swung 4 inch claws at my face, but she didn't really react. grabbing those swinging arms got a look of surprise from her, though it was only for a moment as she flew by, aided by my boot. She went sailing over the edge of the river and hit the ice with a loud snap and a wolfish yelp. It had probably cracked and the current would have drug her under. Horrible way to die. Not that I could have dwelled on it, as her counterpart was on me next. “You bastard!” she yelled in a rage, charging me with claws swinging blindly. Though she had power, in this raging state she was easy to read. Or so I had hoped. Her speed outweighed my reactions and I caught one square in the gut. The heavy impact absorbing Kevlar stopped some of the force, but it felt like getting hit by a sledge hammer all the same. I doubled over her fist in pain and she followed up with a knee to my ribs. There was a dull snap and I knew at least one had broken. She didn't stop there, though, and her claws flashed out next. I narrowly dodged those, but again, it didn't last. As I was ducking and dodging, I failed to notice the tree coming up behind me. I cursed out loud as I hit the first root and her palm slammed into my face. Her claws raked across the Kevlar of my helmet and cut quite a bit of it, but her hand got stuck in the mess of threads. She pulled me around like a ragdoll and I just had to hang on for the ride. In a panic, I unclipped my helmet and pulled away, grabbing her wrist. The weight of the helmet brought my arm and hers down. I took the chance to shove up the bottom of her elbow to break her arm. Her arm snapped and she let out a yelp of pain. The helmet was stuck to her arm and she didn't know how to disentangle it. She flailed around trying to hit me with her other arm, and I kept my distance. I flicked my knife out along her good arm, aiming for the tendons to disable her arm. I flicked it across her arm and a red gash emerged, she swung back and knocked the knife from my hands. She flashed her claws out again and they caught my leg, mining me down to a knee. She swung again but missed since her weight was off balance with the helmet, and I flashed out my good leg coupled with a palm strike to bring her to the ground. She hit the ground hard and I snaked my arm up and pressed my forearm into her neck, putting her in a sleeper hold. She beat against my Kevlar covered stomach with her good elbow, the hits getting weaker and weaker as she fell unconscious. once I was sure she was out, I released the sleeper hold, falling back with a weary sigh, staring up at the branches of the tree above us. I sighed as i looked down at her, wincing at the pain in my ribs and the blood dripping down my leg. I didn't feel much regret for doing it, it was me or her, and she attacked first. I rolled her over and turned her head to the side before I looked her over. She was in rags, so it might have been that she was forced into it. I sighed again. I started to address my wounds. I felt my chest and winced from the pain. Three broken ribs. I shouldn't move with them… but I would have to risk it. Ala didn't look like she could carry me and there was no way to make a sled right now. The cuts near my loins were a bit concerning as well, so I rolled up my pant leg , dressed it, packed it, and wrapped a bandage around it. I rolled my leg back down and walked over to ala, wincing slightly. The sounds of battle between ala and the toll lady had ended without me being able to see it, not to mention helping. She sat on the bridge and looked at the mamono with deadpan eyes, wiping the blood off her axe. “It's rare that humans are capable of fighting so well” she commented, tossing a bag of coins at me. “They've got quite a bit here,” she said looking at the corpse of the other wolfish being. “You alright, ala?” I asked. She had new scratches on her breastplate and the scalemale under it was missing some scales on her side. Red dripped from between the missing scales. “Im fine” she said turning away. She winced as she did, she was a bad actress. “Take it off” i said, digging through my bag for the medkit. “N-no i don't need your help” she said backing away with a blush. “Damnit ala, now is not the time for that” I said grabbing her shoulder and holding her in place. “Off with the scales.” I said again. “Fine…” she sighed, undoing the buckles on her side and pulling the scale male apart. It appeared as if it were two separate sheets of scale, connected to the front and back of her cuirass. “Lay down” i said, laying out my cloak for her. She did as requested and i examined the wound. It was a pretty deep cut and the area around was purple and bruised. “This will sting” i said, pouring a generous amount of hydrogen peroxide. She winced and her ears flattened against her head as it bubbled up that foamy white. “Almost done” I said putting a bandage pad and wrapping it up with gauze. It was soon dyed red, but it would be alright for now. I moved on to check if there were any other injuries. “What were they?” I asked, trying to get her focus off the pain. “Werewolves. This ones a hellhound” she said nodding at the girl on the bridge with a wince. ‘So i'm really not on earth anymore’ I thought looking at the ashen skin of the hellhound. All three were pretty, shame they had to bare their fangs at us. I returned my attention to the fox. I mean, i dont know where on earth this would even be, even if i were. there would be so many undiscovered things that we should have found. well, this would have had to have been somewhere in Greenland if it were... and this sure as hell wasnt Greenland. “Alright, that's the best I can do until we can get to town.” I said, clipping her scale male back into place over it. “Well, it doesn't change much, let's continue on to the city.” she said putting a hand on my shoulder. “We can't do anything about these two. “Can't we at least bury them?” I asked, looking at the packed snow. It would preserve the bodies, but it was the best we could do. “Yeah fine whatever” she said waving a hand. I pulled my entrenching tool from my belt and began digging a shallow grave for the girl. “Dead upon the field of glory” I thought out loud. The Inari’s ears turned towards me and she looked up. “What was that?” she asked. “Nothing, just a saying from my world” i said shaking my head. A multitude of sayings about the fallen ran through my mind as I looked at the two girls. We covered the actual deceased wolf with the snow and packed the unconscious wolf under too, leaving a way for her to breathe. It would keep her warm and hopefully alive. She could get herself out, The snow was loose. Then We continued on our way, our mood significantly dimmer than before. |
venomwolfFeb 26, 2020 7:26 AM
Dec 2, 2019 9:33 AM
#9
| Wow, moving along nicely. Not only got over killing relatively quickly, but also kind of just accepted being on another planet entirely pretty fast too. If those didn't phase this guy, then what will? 😂 Good chapter though. I liked the fight scene. Wished we could have seen how Ala handled herself in her scuffle. But I guess we might get more chances in the future. Gotta love a girl who can fight with a sword/axe. XD |
Dec 2, 2019 11:08 AM
#10
| Well, something will, but i feel like it's pretty clear what his profession was~ and he does tend to just go with the flow |
Dec 2, 2019 11:27 AM
#11
| Made some minor edits, but it flows a bit better now |
Dec 7, 2019 9:07 PM
#12
| Ch4 - into Odin's hall The port city of midlemeath was bursting with life, I could tell that from this far out. It brought up the dark mood a bit, not by much, but the inari next to me was certainly a bit more cheerful. Looking at the town, I noticed The town was of nordic design, it would have made sense for this kind of region, i guess. There were longhouses and taverns scattered about, with viking longships in the harbor. The buildings were all of nordic design and pretty scattered. It must not have been that big of a town, considering how scattered it was, but it certainly took up a lot of space. on a side note, digging graves with broken ribs? yeah, not my smartestt move. i could barely move my left arm where the broken ribs were now. “Shall we go?” the inari asked me with a smile. It seemed the pain had mostly faded. She had refused my offer to carry her here so she wouldn't have to walk with the injury, but she quickly refused. She wasn't looking as pale as before, so hopefully that was a good sign. “Yeah, I hope those are real guards this time” I said taking the lead. She quickly pulled me back by the arm when i started off. “Let me walk ahead, follow me and keep your eyes down, try not to catch too much attention… though with those clothes you're bound to…” she said contemplating what to do. “I've got it, if we act like a couple, the other mamono will leave us be.” she said taking my gloved hand in hers. I couldn't feel the warmth through the two pairs of gloves, but… it was probably there. She pulled me forward humming a tune and almost skipping, clearly putting on a front, well, i guess it was only clear since i knew it was one. She looked genuinely happy. “Well well, if it isn't my favorite inari” the guard said. I could easily tell what she was. Blue armor, those angelic wings, and the sign of a hammer on her left shoulder, an axe on her right. She was a valkyrie. I couldn't see the emblem on her shield since it was turned away from me, but I was sure it would have those same two emblems on it "Hello kyra" the inari said "this town doesn't take tolls, correct?" She asked, making conversation with the guard. "No?" She asked tilting her head "why would we?" She asked. "Ran into some bandits acting as guards about a half-mile back, blocked a bridge, one dead, one unconscious one unknown, presumed dead." She explained to the guard. "Aye, will send someone to check it out" she said nodding. "What I'm curious about is how you got your hands on him" she said looking me up and down with an excited look "No kyra you can't have him" she said wrapping both her arms around mine "he's mine" I winced as she did so, maybe I was in more pain than I realized. I flicked her ear and said "wow, clingy aren't you?" She winced and stepped back with her ears flat against her head and a look of hurt on her face. "If the lady says no" she said with a mischievous smile. "Though feel free to stop by the guard post, right here my the gate, it is" she said pointing down the road. "Now on with you" she said pushing the still pouting inari forward. I followed close behind. "What is there to do in town?" I asked looking around. True to her word, there were few men around, and I couldn't deny the fact that this wasn't earth any more. The mamono roaming the streets made sure I knew. There were various calls and laughs aimed at me at first, then I sped up to walk next to ala and they died down. odd. "well, first things first, we get you to a doctor" I said "there's healing magic or something here, right?" I asked. "Y-yeah follow me" she said as she lead the way. Ala took us to a longhouse next to what looked to be a beer hall, and pushed the door open. "Hello!" She called in before pushing aside the wooden door that was the barrier to the cold. It creaked as it opened and she motioned for me to enter. "Come on" she said. I stepped into the warmth of the room and the door swung closed behind us with a snap as the latch closed. "Welcome!" A cheery-eyed…. Gorgon(?) Said. I think she was a gorgon anyways. She matched the description, blue scaly tail with azure hair that faded to white as it went to the little snakelet heads. She had gunmetal black eyes, the kind that made me think I was looking at the innards of a service weapon. They were sharp and snakelike, despite her apparent cheerful nature. "How may I help you today?" she asked looking between me and the inari next to me. It took me a minute to realize I had looked into the eyes of a gorgon, but I hadn't been turned to stone. Interesting. Putting that aside, I spoke up. "She's been injured" I said, pointing to the bloody scales. "Any way you can help?" The inari parted her scales so the gorgon could see, but it was all a bloody mess of gauze and packing. "Hmm, the first aid was well done, but she's lost quite a bit of blood." She said grabbing a pair of cloth scissors. She slid it along the gauze on her stomach, away from the wound, and the gauze and packing fell away. The cut was deep and wrapped around her side, from her back to her hip, diagonally down. It was worse than I thought, I had hoped the blood was just making it look bad. "I can heal it, but it'll leave a scar, I don't think you'd have the funds for anything better" she said with a sigh. "How much?" I asked. Oh, its-" "Don't worry about it" the inari said, cutting the gorgon off. "I don't care much about a scar like this" she said "just stop the pain please" she said, wincing as the wound flexed without the pressure on it. "First we need to clean the wound," she said, starting to move away "Already done" I said "though I'll do it again just to be safe." I said pulling the kit out of my bag. The gorgon, interested, slid over and looked at the kit with sparkling eyes. "How much for the kit" she asked, picking at the various emergency medical tools. "Won't sell it" I said as I poured hydrogen peroxide over the wound. It bubbled up again and she winced in pain. "Aye, I know, worth a shot" she said putting the tools down. "Though can I buy info from you? I don't know what this is, but it seems to disinfect, no?" She said picking up the bottle of hydrogen peroxide. "Hmm… I don't know the recipes… but an alchemist might…" I would need a refill on the consumables, so it might be better if it to give her some samples to give to an alchemist. I pulled the smaller ifak from my belt and checked what was in it. I put one of each of the consumables in it and held it out to her, it was now a miniature version of the larger medkit I had been issued as a medic. She reached for it and I pulled it away "what's the offer" I asked. "500" she said, biting her lip. I looked to ala and she looked at the gorgon "700" she said. "Six?" The lama asked "650" ala replied, and the lama sighed and slid over to the wall, pulling out a panel and counting out the coins. It seemed she had a stash and didn't keep everything in one place. Smart move. She handed the bag to me and ala took it and counted it out. "There's only 630 here" she growled. "I took the 20 for your healing" she said "scarless, like he asked," she said, holding out her hands. "Bag first, then heal," she said. I nodded and handed it over. A smile returned to her face and she looked like she might burst.into laughter any moment. Was what's in there really that good? "Alright, i'll start now." She said holding her hands over the wound. There was a soft gold glow and the wound started to rapidly heal. "Altill it does is speed up natural processes." She explained as the rest of the wound closed up. She got a wet rag and ran it along the cut, cleaning it of blood. The Inari twitched under her touch, but sat as still as she could. Within minutes the gorgon was done. "T-Thank you" the Inari mumbled. "Don't worry about it" I said with a smile. "I should thank you, I can heal much more efficiently now." The gorgon said "if you ever need anything just drop by" it seemed like she wasn't too off put by the haggling, perhaps it was normal here. "I would love to touch up on my anatomy" she said with a glance at me. "Actually you can do just that," I said, pulling off my plate carrier with a wince. My stomach and chest were covered in bruises from the punches of the werewolf. The inari gasped when she saw my chest, then cleared her throat to hide it. "You should have told me…" she started off. "That deep of a cut near your stomach could be bad, various pieces of viscera there, you know." I said pointing to her cut. I turned back to the gorgon "How much for fixing of another set of cuts and some broken ribs" I asked. She looked at me concerned "what happened to you two?!" She cried, putting her hands in front of her chest and just in front of mine. "I can do it… but I'm low on demonic energy, so I'll need a recharge after, alright?" She said with a sly wink at me. "If you can fix him for it, I don't care" the inari said. 'Wait, when did she become my guardian.' I thought as I looked at the two. "How does one… recharge demonic energy?" I asked, feeling I might already know the answer. "Intercourse" the inari said "Sex" the gorgon said at the same time. 'Oh, good, it's not human blood' I thought as I looked to the ceiling. "Yeah fine whatever" I said and she lit up like she had just found a modern surgeons kit. "Alright, let us begin" she said, unbuttoning my shirt all the way. My shirt was quickly cast away as she put her hands on my chest and I cringed in anticipation of pain, but there was none. Instead her fingers danced across my chest soothingly. A warm feeling enveloped my body and I could feel the ribs popping back into place and repairing themselves. It was an odd experience to say the least. The cuts on my leg healed up and I could feel the skin stretching to cover it. It made me want to itch it, but I refrained. "All done" the snake woman said, pulling back and smiling at me. Her smile was pure… for a moment, then it twisted into a smirk as she poked my ribs. I wasn't too ticklish, so that was fine. She was probably testing my ribs for any faults… or so I thought. Her tail wrapped around my waist and picked me up, and I knew I was screwed. She pulled me off towards the back room and ala innocently… as innocently as she could look, followed behind. The gorgon laid me out on an infirmary bed, wrapping me up in her coils so I couldnt escape. Ala closed and locked the door behind us, giggling as she came over to the bed. She bypassed me and reached straight for the gorgon,running her hands down her body, then back up to Unbutton the tidy white shirt she was wearing. Her pale skin was soon exposed, her breasts covered by a simple white bra, which soon vanished as well thanks to alas fingers. Ala giggled and kissed her way down the gorgons neck, leaving faint bite marks where her pointed teeth met the pale skin of her neck. She made her way lower and lower, until she could wrap her lips around one of the rosy pink nipples that were already hard, from the cold or from the inaris touches I wasn't sure. The inari seemed to forget I was there, and she seemed pretty bent on taking the snake from me, so I gave her a slight tug on the tail. That caused a moan to escape her lips and she looked down at me with a glare. That got the gorgons attention, too, as she grabbed on of my hands and pressed it against her other breast, emoting a low hiss of pleasure from the back of her throat. The little snakelets were also hissing, presumably also feeling good. I kneaded and massaged her breast, watching her reactions for what the most pleasurable spot would be. It turns out, she had overly sensitive nipples for her bust size, so I captialized on it and leaned forward, swirling my tongue around it like ala was doing. The gorgon moaned and her head lolled back, her long tongue hanging out of her mouth. The inari shifted away, allowing me to pleasure her alone for a moment. She leaned forward and whispered something to the gorgon and she nodded in return, reluctantly pulling away and pushing me back against the bed. She pressed her lips to mine and our tongues wrestled for dominance, though with her lenght, it didn't take long for her's to win. She pulled away with a smile, planting a kiss on my jaw, then my neck, then my chest. Her lips and tongue drew a wet line as she made her way down my body. Her deft fingers found the belt and buttons that held my pants together, neither were a match for them. My member sprung free, already fully erect, almost painfully so. She smiled broadly and put her lips to th tip, letting her long tongue slip out and spiral down the shaft. It was a feeling unlike anything I'd ever felt before, in the best possible way. It wrapped around and unwrapped and slid up and down, working it's wonderful magic on me as a strong suction was applied to the tip. I wouldn't last long like this. Luckily I didn't have to, as ala had taken the time to push her head under the gorgons skirt, and I heard moans and suckling noises from below us. The gorgons tongue become less precise as she was given a distraction to deal with, which helped me keep my compsure. Even so, I wasn't going to last much longer, but right when I was gping to release, the gorgon stopped her movements all together. "Ah ah, not yet" she purred, sliding back up to me. "I don't want you to waste a single drop of that wonderful energy" she purred, using her long tongue to part my lips and wrap around my tongue once more. Her hands slid down my body and grabbed ahold of my shaft, guiding me to her waiting slit with a seductive glint in her eyes. That glint vanished when ala grabbed the tip of her tail and she bucked her hips involuntarily, taking me deep within her. She let out a loud moan as she took me in unexpectedly, trying to keep from moving to get used to the feeling. I wasn't going to let her have a break after teasing me like she did, so I flipped her over so her back was up against the soft sheets. I pulled my hips back and slowly slid them forward, getting a moan of pleasure from her. I glanced back at ala who had now become tangled up in the gorgons tail, sucking on her tail tip. It appeared to be getting a good reaction from the gorgon, as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in, supressing her moans with my mouth. I pushed in again and her moans increased in volume, now coming in a steady pace as I started to pump my hips a bit faster. I moved my hands fom beside her head to her voluptuous chest, kneading and pinching on her nipples, getting little hitches in her voice and louder moans. She was panting now, and pulled away from my lips to catch her breath. I wasn't going to let her tough, so I changed the angle of thrusting a bit, angling myself more down. She let out the loudest moan yet and bit into my shoulder, her nails raking down my back. I winced at that but kept going, getting more and more sounds of enjoyment from her. It didn't take long for her voice to reach a crecendo as she reached her first climax, falling limp against the bed as her walls spasamed around my member. I couldn't hold it any longer so I tried to pull out, but her tail pulled me against her with another thrust and I emptied a load into her. "I-I'm so sorry" I started, realising what just happened "For what? Not giving me enough?" She asked, milking the last few drops out with her hips. "Human-mamono birth rates without blessings are extremely low, like 3% chance or something like that" she said between gasps of breath. "Besides there's no risk at all right now" she said, releasing her tail hold on me. She grabbed my shoulders and pinned me back against the bed, working her... hips? Tail... whatever against me in a circular motion. "Got enough for a second round?" She asked, her eyes gleaming in anticipation. This will be a long night', I thought as her moans picked back up |
venomwolfJan 3, 2020 10:55 AM
Dec 9, 2019 1:12 PM
#13
| Went back from more tweaks \o/ the Mc now has a reason for assuming this is another world so.quickly |
Dec 9, 2019 3:23 PM
#14
| Good chapter. A few typos and grammatical errors but we've all been guilty of that at some point. 😅 I do actually like how he thought it was his blood that was used to recharge her instead of his sperm. I could see how he might come to that conclusion. Plus... Is Ala a lesbian MG? Would explain why she said she wasn't interested in him. Would also might be the reason why she focused on pleasing the Gorgon. She would certainly be an interesting and fun companion to have around if that were the case. Also like the use of bartering and use of the lore regarding birthing rates. Nice chapter overall. Keep it up. XD That's the hard part... |
Dec 9, 2019 3:31 PM
#15
TsunamiSeeker said: Good chapter. A few typos and grammatical errors but we've all been guilty of that at some point. 😅 I do actually like how he thought it was his blood that was used to recharge her instead of his sperm. I could see how he might come to that conclusion. Plus... Is Ala a lesbian MG? Would explain why she said she wasn't interested in him. Would also might be the reason why she focused on pleasing the Gorgon. She would certainly be an interesting and fun companion to have around if that were the case. That's the hard part... Well yeah, it's a perfectly reasonable conclusion who knows, ala could be an attack helicopter for all we know :p And yeah, that is certainly the hard part. |
Dec 14, 2019 2:56 PM
#16
| Ch5 - fox by the tail I woke to the sight of two beautiful blue eyes as they stared back into mine, the face they sat on was twisted up into a smirk. "Hey there" she said putting a finger to my chest and tracing along it. I winced, but not because of the wounds of yesterday, rather, fresh ones that had been inflected last night. Who knew lamia would have fangs. Said lamia was still coiled around me soaking up warmth as she slept peacefully, her snakelet hair sprawled out in a mess on the pillow of the infirmary style bed. "Hey yourself" I said looking back at her with another wince as she brought her lips close to mine. I knew they wouldn't connect, she was just teasing. I had learned the reason last night. She had been so focused on the gorgon in front of her and didn't mess with me, pretty much. She was lesbian… at least, I'm pretty sure. I may just not be her type, but if last night was anything to go off of, that wasn't the case. As I thought, her lips pulled away at the last second and she sank her teeth into my shoulder. Right, foxes have fangs too" I thought with a sigh and wince as I tried to free my arms. The coil I was in loosened a bit, enough for me to reach through and squeeze the inaris plush rear. She let out a yelp but didn't push my hands away. "I've decided something," she said, bringing her lips up next to my ear. "I'll be going with you, I'm tired of being an outcast here" she said suddenly. I blinked at that, but then came to a realization. She lived five miles away from civilization, there had to be a reason for that. “Wow just now noticing are we?” she said, fixing a glare to my face. “I've also realized something else” I said with a nod. I wanted to test a theory out, so I asked her. “You're into girls aren't you?” I asked, holding her in place so she couldn't dodge the question by running. “Tis why you don't go for me” “Yeah, got it in one” she said “having a father like mine will do that to you” she sighed, squirming under my arms. “Ah, I didn't know this topic would be bad for you, I apologise” I hurriedly tried to apologise for my error in asking her. Perhaps it was a bad idea after all. “No need to apologise, besides, it just means we can share any women that catch our interest” she said with a coy smile at the sleeping medusa as she licked her lips. ‘What have I gotten myself into’ I wondered, staring at the face of the fox. “Wake her up won't you?” I asked trying to move my arm to be able to get to the lamia that had her tail wrapped around me. I could hear her breathing through her chest as my head was resting on it. The inari nodded and crawled forward, pressing her lips to the snoozing lamia’s neck. I saw a glimmer of her teeth against the morning sun as she lightly bit down. The snakelets on her hair woke in a fury as she stuttered awake. She looked panicked for a moment, before she realized it was ala who did it. She settled down, but her coils tightened around me. “Morning” she moaned, turning to look at me “Well, it would be, if i could get up” I chuckled at her tired face. “Don't wanna” she said in a pout as her coils tightened around me and she pulled me into a hug. She said that but she let me go soon after, and I went to find my scattered clothes. My shirt was in the main room… somewhere. I slipped on my underwear and pants and went to go find it. As I went in, there was a knock on the door. I went to open it and the lamia came out half dressed, her shirt not even buttoned up all the way. When I opened the door I had to take a step back, as the one that opened it released a low growl. It was the girl I had thrown in the river, and she was clearly suffering from hypothermia. The wolf girl with the broken arm didn't appear to be suffering from it, but her arm was broken. I stepped back but kept my hand on my blade just in case. “Oh my goddess come in, please come in” she said rushing out and grabbing the two wolves. Whether they wanted to or not, they were coming in. “what happened” she asked, sitting them both down on the table that was in this room. Both girls lifted an arm and pointed at me, to which the lamia rounded on me saying “what do you say about having harmed these younglings! Why they can't be older than thirty” she said. It was odd, being called young at thirty, but I realized their lifespans could have been much different. “It was in self defense” I said holding my hands up as the snake jabbed a finger into my still bare chest. “Fine” she said, calming down a bit "but it's coming from your pocket" she said jabbing another finger at me. She turned around and then remembered the injuries I had and scowled at the two women "and you two, don't go attacking innocent people for coin, do it again I'll have a new wolf fur tail warmer, understood?" She said leveling a glare at the two. They both frantically nodded and the lamia smiled and got to work. It appeared this wasn't the first time the two. Had done this… but why weren't they getting in more trouble. The lamia didn't comment on the third one, so perhaps they were forced by her this time?I went back to picking up my things and getting ready to go as I pondered those questions "Thanks for the night miss mai" I called out as I went to the back room to pick up the fox. She was now fully dressed and looking through her pack for some food… or so I assumed, it was morning after all. "Morning ala" I said to her for the second time today. "Morning blake" she replied with a yawn. "Aww, too tired? And here I was thinking we should go round two" I said to her with a chuckle. That got me a glare and a low growl from her. "Only if someone else is involved," she snapped, grumbling to herself. I gathered the rest of my things and pulled her with me to the front room "take care mai" I called as I quickly pulled her through so she couldn't see the patients. "My, you're in a hurry today" she commented as we got outside. "Not really, just wanted some fresh air" I replied, letting go of her hand. The streets were bustling again today, and we roamed around for a while, looking at the various shops. "Shall we get you better equipped?" She asked, looking at a blacksmith's shop called the dragon scale armory. "Yes lets" I said, following behind the inari We pushed the door open and a bell rang, notifying whoever was in that we were there. To our surprise, it was not a dragon behind the counter but rather a polar bear girl dressed in a flowing winter dress with scale and chain mail running its length, creating intricate patterns with colors as it went. "Hello and welcome," she said in a monotone as we entered. "Hey" I replied and made my way to the counter. "I'm looking to get myself a new weapon, and possibly pick up some armor while I'm here." I said to her, leaning on the counter. "Any recommendations?" I asked as I looked at her. "Aye," she said simply, coming out from behind the counter and walking down the isles. She stopped at the swords section and grabbed a shortsword. It was lighter than I would have thought, and felt nice in my hand for one handed use. "Two fifty" she said, probably meaning the swords price or something along those lines. I grimaced and looked to ala, she nodded and took it, buying a sheath for it as well. She set it up on the counter and continued looking through the store. I found a German sallet helmet and picked that up, too. it wasn't too different from what I already wore and would protect me against blows like the one that destroyed my previous helmet. I nodded and picked it up, setting it on the counter too, going back and looking for yet even more. As I was going through the knife section, I found a set of sleek black throwing knives. There were two sets, so I bought both and stored them in my bag. My shortsword went diagonally on my left hip, my knife on my right, and once I made inserts for my vest, the throwing knives would go there. Knife throwing hadn't been an essential skill, but I learned it nonetheless. I was pretty good at it, by earth standards that is. For now I wrapped them up and set the in the bottom of my bag. It didn't feel too heavy, and the thought that I now had another weapon to defend myself with was amazing. "We're going to need to add sparring to our mornings" I said to the fox as we left the building. "For now would you care to go on a morning run? One lap around the city?" I asked her "I'd love to" she said as she started off towards the gate at a trot. I followed behind and we took off at a bit of a faster jog now that we were out of the city. |
venomwolfDec 14, 2019 3:18 PM
Dec 14, 2019 3:08 PM
#17
| Reread the first two chapters and noticed the edits. Good work. I see Midlemeath made its first appearance in the MSG. I guess I should release some of the updates to Elizabeth's lore so your readers get a bit more of an idea where your story takes place. Its nice to see someone using Frosthaven as their starting location. It seems that the people they meet in town are not the ones to make a lot of small talk. Guess it's stoic nature of the northerners. Stoic they might be, however, it does not stop the local doctor from taking our MC's "mamono v-card". Looking forward to the next chapter. Edit: Looks like chapter 5 was uploaded while I was typing this post. So this refers to chapters 1 through 4 |
Dec 17, 2019 7:41 AM
#18
| Called it! But I guess you did hint at it from chapter 1... So I guess I can't be too proud with myself. But... Wouldn't Ala have been able to recognise the smell of those other two monster girls in the shop? Eh. Maybe she secretly knew but didn't want to stir the pot so she acted low key to pretend like she didn't even notice to avoid trouble. I could believe that. And getting a short sword aye? You know which one I would have gone for but each to their own. 😉 Looking forward to reading more. |
Dec 21, 2019 12:20 PM
#19
| AL- special chapter o/ Ch5.5 - thawing the ice We ran the morning away, our skin glistening with sweat as it threatened to freeze in little balls of ice against our skin, but neither one of us had a face of regret, pain, or anything like that. Even with the added weight of his new helmet and sword, he seemed to be doing just fine. In fact, he was ahead of me. "Do you know cadences?" He suddenly asked out of the blue as I had been staring at his back. "N-no I don't" damn that stutter "Would you like to learn some" he asked slowing down to run abreast with me. "They're like songs you sing while marching or running to help you keep in step." Marching. I had heard that before, my father talked about it like it was death itself, saying he never wanted to do it again. If I could enjoy something that he couldn't, perhaps I could show that arrogant asshole of a man what I can really do. Well, not really I thought back on my childhood to the times I had been with my father. He had ridiculed me constantly about me not being able to cast magic like my siblings and mother, it was one of our well known traits as a family. He would beat me, neglect to feed me, and otherwise pretend I didn't exist. Mom didn't stop it, but she at least acted like I existed. heart of ice for sure. The only true solace I had in that family was kala, my older sister, who was practically my mother in the figurative sense. She gave me her food and complain she didn't get any, would ridicule my father for beating me, and other things to otherwise protect me. Even so I was forced out of the house, and I'd never been the same since. I'd never looked at a man the same, they were all lying, abusive assholes, I mean, just look at the men in the brothels, or the ones roaming the street staring down other girls with their wives right there. I hadn't been with blake long but he hadn't done anything abusive towards me at all, nor had he acted out in any way… aside from the knife. 'That didn't count though', I thought. 'For all he knew my home was some bandits hideout' "Yes I would love to" I said looking up at him with a smile. I would need to watch him, that's for sure. "Lets start simple” he said with a smile over his shoulder “when I say ‘left’ my left foot will strike the ground” he said, stomping his boot to emphasise “alright, ready? Left, left, left-right-left, move, ya body, move move ya body body” He sang, continuing the melody until we reached our starting point. It was quite easy to follow and it certainly helped me keep pace with him "Singing it while exercising helps you pace yourself, even if you just hum the beat." He said wiping the sweat from his brow. He frowned when it wouldn't come off, and reached up and plucked the ice from his forehead with a wince. I laughed as he plucked more and more of the ice off his body. "Please, let us find an inn where I can help you" I giggled, pulling him along, gloved hand to gloved hand. Perhaps men aren't so bad after all… well, that remains to be disclosed. I thought as I looked back at him with another smile. I had high hopes for this one. "Thank you ala" I was sprawled out on my stomach in a nearby inn and ala was picking the little balls of ice from my skin. My sweat had frozen to my body, despite my body heat, somehow. I don't know how it even happened but here we were. Inside the ice still wasn't melting for whatever reason, and I attributed it to the area around us being magical. I winced each time she pulled a little bead from my skin and she put them in a small bowl, where they still weren't melting. Odd. "Alright, your backs done, now for the front" she said rolling Me over to pluck at the ice on my chest. She hummed to herself the song I had taught her while we ran. She looked genuinely happy to be of service, with a giddy smile on her face. "Hey blake" she started "would you teach me how to march? I mean like you used to" She asked with her tail swaying behind her at a rapid pace "Yeah, sure," I said, wincing as she pulled another one of the glassy ball-like beads of ice from my skin. Impacts I could take, but pulling stuff from my skin, yeah that hurt like a bitch. Slashes down my back would probably be better than this. I didn't give much thought to the pain and focused on the smile on her face instead. "Thank you" she said, her smile deepening. She plucked the last ball off my chest and started to remove my bottoms to get at my legs. "You can keep the underwear" she said as her hands slid along my legs, sliding my pants down. "Mine or yours?" I asked jokingly. That got an eyebrow raise from her and she giggled a bit. There were only a few of the glassy balls left, and she got them quickly. I pulled my bottoms back on and slipped on my shirt, followed by my bdu top. "You're up" I said motioning to the spot I had just been laying in. She nodded and lay down, unclipping her scale mail and undoing her straps for her breastplate. She set her armored top aside and lay down, her long white hair splayed out like a fan against her back. I picked the first ball from her skin and she twitched, letting out a sweet little gasp. I pulled another and the gasp was louder and she shivered. "D-did it feel good to remove?" She asked as I pulled another one from her back. She twitched and moaned once more. "No," I answered "it hurt," I said as I plucked another one. She seemed to be enjoying herself so I took my hand and ran it down her back with my hand cupped, scooping up the little beads down half her back. She shuddered and moaned at that, so I did it again, clearing her back off all the way. I rolled her over and her face was one of pure ecstasy, drool dripping from between her lips with glazed eyes. I started plucking the ones from her modest c cup chest, and she twitched and moaned even more than before. I didn't know what these things were, but they weren't sweat. I cleared her entire body of them, sure were a lot. but I still didn't know what they were. I picked up the bowl and waited for ala to reorganize herself and took them to mai, hoping she'd be able to figure this out. |
venomwolfFeb 27, 2020 6:04 PM
Dec 21, 2019 12:23 PM
#20
| not exactly happy with this one, but... as it stands I cant get it much better... and now im noticing errors |
Dec 29, 2019 12:18 PM
#21
| an- so I forgot to post thjsi yesterday, but a new character arrives, finally. Ch 6 Pasque flower seeds… but they're too big. They definitely match the description, all except for this crystalline color" she said examining the seeds. "Would there be any mamono that would have seeds like this?" I asked, rolling one of the seeds between my fingers. They must have been something like airborne seeds, something that we didn't notice with the snow falling at the time. "Hmm, an alrune or a dryad would be the best bet," she said, turning it in her hand. "Based on the fact that they're flower seeds, I would say alrune" "I'd have to agree, but there aren't any Pasque alrunes in town" ala said, not taking her eyes off the werewolves as they glared back at her. the silver haired one with darker skin didn't back down, though, and kept her eyes locked on alas "Can alrunes not move?" I asked looking at the lamia. "Hmm, depends, some types can uproot themselves and… slither? Across the ground. Other types can uproot themselves but can't really move without the help of someone else." She said. "However, it seems you just went through a swarm of seeds, unfertilized. There's a high possibility it's from one of the ones in the city, so I wouldn't pay too much attention to it." She said waving her hand. "However I will ask to keep these, my alchemist friend would die to get her hands on something as good as this." 'Alchemy huh? Wonder if modern science could help me learn that' I thought, thinking of the various chemical compounds that had been drilled into my brain during high school. Who knew I would actually get use of those. That is if it could even transfer over. "You'll have to introduce me sometime" I said standing up. "Ala, anything else that we need to pick up?" I asked, stepping in front of her to block her view of the werewolves like I would a cat. "No not particularly, though since we're here we could put in the order for some clothes" she said looking at the mud covered clothing I was wearing. "Yeah, you're probably right" I said looking down at them as well. I would miss the shock-proofness of the bdus, that was for sure. "They probably can't make anything on this level" I thought aloud. "You'd be surprised" the inari shook her head, reaching out and pulling on the canvas-like fabric. "You aren't the first to come here, and certainly not the first with this kind of clothing," she said, pulling at it again. "My father had a blue version of this, actually." "Did he now?" I asked and she nodded. “He was in the navay or something like that” she said, looking away from the wolf. “Navy” I corrected With that we were off again, in search of a clothing store this time. We scanned the streets for a suitable shop, but it took awhile for us to find one. We finally located one one on the port-side of the town, where mamono jostled against one another to get to the ships or off them, in search of whatever it was they needed. We entered the store and the wildness from outside died away. "Welcome" a cheery voice called to us as she put new clothes onto the racks. The isles were oddly wide, at least I thought so up until I realized who it was that owned the shop. She was an arachne… possibly a wolf spider, as I recalled those living in tundras and similar environments on my home world. Interesting that it would transfer over to this world. She had dark skin, almost as dark as her light brown fuzz that covered her lower spider parts. He had a pair of large red eyes, with smaller eyes that looked like jewels at the 12, 3, 6, and 9 o'clock position around the left and right eye respectively. Her short black hair fell down about her shoulders in a straightened mass, framing her cute face perfectly. She had on a simple white chest wrap that contrasted deliciously with her dark skin. Her bottom was covered by a black mini skirt that barely reached her thighs… or where they would be.. with her size, I could just about see a bit of the purple that were her panties poking out. It seemed ala got a better view being a few inches shorter, as she smiled like a fox finding new prey. "How may I help you today?" She asked coming up to us with a smile on her lips. "I'm looking for clothes, preferably of this same material, and in whites, pine greens, and blues like this pattern, if that's possible," I said holding out my arm to her so she could check my multicam bdus. She inspected them thoroughly with a sparkle in all eight of her eyes. "I can do it" she nodded "I'll need sizes though" she said pulling a measuring rope and snapping it like a whip, extending it all the way out. "This way if you would." She cooed, grabbing mine and ala's hands and pulling us along. She pulled us both through a large door that was like a garage door so she could fit through the building comfortably, closing it behind us. As soon as it was shut she started running her hands down my shirt, unbuttoning it as she went. She cinched the rope around my neck, shoulders, waist, and hips, then went on to measure My arms length and leg length. She was very professional about it and didn't try to jump me like I had half expected of her. Perhaps ala being here really did deter the mamono horde, so to speak. "You next, cutie" the arachne said, measuring her next. I could tell she was just as professional with her, but ala blushed deeply as the arachne felt her up. Once the arachne had finished, she pulled the rope away, but ala snatched it out of her hands and wrapped it around the back of that arachne's neck, pulling her in for a kiss. "It's only fair that I get to measure you, too~" she purred, pulling the rope back and wrapping it around the arachne's chest. "I can say it's large~" she purred again. I sighed at her antics and turned to go out into the store to look around a bit, not wanting to get in the way of her fun. There was a disappointed pout behind me from the arachne, but that was soon silenced by more kisses from ala. I browsed the men's section quickly, and to be fair it was very well deserved to be small. Though they did have heavy winter clothing, that I brought up to the counter as I waited. I browsed the women's section next, there were things from fully practical heavy winter coats to what might as well have been a string, the clothing items were that varied. As I was flipping through the different outfits, movement caught my eye out the window. It wasn't the hustle and bustle of the pier, rather, the steady movement of a fight. I looked up and… well I couldn't really call it a fight. This bat winged girl with white fur running along her legs and forearms was getting kicked around by some fox spirit, yelling at her as she rolled across the ground and shakily stood up. She was definitely in pain, that was for sure. The inari kicked again, sending her flying into the brick base of the window I was looking through with a heavy thump. It shook the building and I knew the two back there would have heard it. I rushed out the door, preparing for the worst as I pushed it open. "-ou stupid whore" the white haired inari screamed at the beast girl, her hands crackling with lightning now as her face twisted into a look of rage. The beast girl was glaring defiantly at the fox, though tear marks were clearly visible on her pale face. I pulled my knife and stood In front of the injured girl, getting into a defensive combat stance. It took me this long to realize it, but she looked kinda like ala, but with three tails, and a bigger built frame. "Out of the way" she growled raising her hands in her own combat stance, clearly ready for a fight. Her tails, hair, and ears all crackled with electricity, and people gave her a wide berth as they continued on their way. Quite a few stopped to watch the spectacle going on in front of them. Ala rushed outside and gasped before a low growl started in her throat and she pulled the axe from her belt and held her shield out in front of her, stepping behind me and guarding the injured girl. She wasn't armored, rather still in her underwear The other fox sneered and laughed "oh if it isn't miss disappointment," she said with an evil grin “what? Can't even figure out how to put on armor correctly?” she said with a laugh "I'm sure father would be very pleased to hear of your visit to town, ala, very pleased," she said laughing as she turned to leave. "You got off lucky this time, whore. The master shall hear of this" she called back to the injured girl as she walked and disappeared into the crowd, leaving me in a state of shock and disbelief. |
Dec 30, 2019 5:51 AM
#22
| Oh... So her father and sisters are in the town? That'll be interesting to watch unfold. |
Dec 30, 2019 7:14 PM
#23
| A new story! Yay! Some comments so far: 1) I agree with the comments that say the protagonist is adjusting suspiciously well. His easy acceptance of the situation strains my willing suspension of disbelief. 2) Arctic fox inari makes perfect sense for the region! 3) On the fight scene in chapter 3... choke holds don't work that way. A human can continue fighting for about as long as they can hold their breath, and mamono are tougher. A sleeper hold, OTOH... that can put someone out in under 15 seconds. Cutting off someone's air isn't as effective as cutting off the blood supply to the brain, especially if the person you're trying to hold is superhumanly strong. 4) How the hell is he digging graves, even shallow ones, with broken ribs?!? 5) On the h-scene: Nice threesome action there, and we see why Ala wasn't interested in Blake sexually (kudos on showing rather than telling there). My one quibble is about the breast play -- women tell me that breast size has no bearing on nipple sensitivity. My own experience includes both well-endowed and less-endowed women on both ends of the sensitivity spectrum. 6) The werewolves are treated as kids... at 30. Nice. Good use of the lore there. 7) Hmm... rescued girl is second companion, perhaps? If so that's a good way to introduce her. There are some logic holes, but overall this is shaping up nicely. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Jan 3, 2020 10:46 AM
#24
tygertyger said: well, im still working on that, story openers havent always been my best, but im going back right now to edit the first post so its more reasonable.1) I agree with the comments that say the protagonist is adjusting suspiciously well. His easy acceptance of the situation strains my willing suspension of disbelief. 3) On the fight scene in chapter 3... choke holds don't work that way. A human can continue fighting for about as long as they can hold their breath, and mamono are tougher. A sleeper hold, OTOH... that can put someone out in under 15 seconds. Cutting off someone's air isn't as effective as cutting off the blood supply to the brain, especially if the person you're trying to hold is superhumanly strong. i didnt know that, but yeah, it makes sense, so ill probably switch it up to that, thank you4) How the hell is he digging graves, even shallow ones, with broken ribs?!? adrenaline, hell pay for it later5) On the h-scene: Nice threesome action there, and we see why Ala wasn't interested in Blake sexually (kudos on showing rather than telling there). My one quibble is about the breast play -- women tell me that breast size has no bearing on nipple sensitivity. My own experience includes both well-endowed and less-endowed women on both ends of the sensitivity spectrum. hmm, i was under the impression that it didnt work that way, but i may be mistaken >.>7) Hmm... rescued girl is second companion, perhaps? If so that's a good way to introduce her. who knows |
Jan 12, 2020 11:21 AM
#25
| an - late again i know, i apologise >.> Ch 7 - piecing it together "Bring her inside." I ordered, to the inari, as I watched the three tails disappear into the crowd. The inari picked up the girl with a struggle, and I took over just so she wouldn't have an issue with it. "We've got to get you to work out more" I tossed at her before returning my attention to the girl. The inari just rolled her eyes and held the door open. The girls eyes still had that defiant spark in them, dispute the current state she was in. I set her down on the floor away from the cold blast that was outside. "What happened?" The arachne gasped as we pulled her inside and started to examine her. "Got beat around by some fox girl."I answered, reaching over my shoulder for the kit in my bag. I pulled it out and set it down, looking her over. Her clothes were ratty and torn, they appeared to have been quite nice at some point, but had been torn over the years. She had a well balanced and shapely figure, with wide hips and an ample bust, probably about an E. Two bat like wings were sprawled out on the ground beneath her. Her hips were raised slightly due to the appearance of a thick scorpion like tail that ended in four vicious looking foot long spikes, ready to impale all that opposed her. Her arms and legs, though slim and humanoid in design, had snow colored fur dotted with black rosettes, both ending in wicked 5 inch claws. Atop her head were two tall triangular ears, blending into her long hair with rosettes sprinkled throughout. Despite how badly she was kicked around, the only issue she seemed to have was a busted lip and some bruising on the abdomen. "You okay?" I asked her, tilting her head up to look at me. She had a thick collar around her neck with a keyhole. Something told me she wasn't as free of will as she wished. She flexed her hands and her claws retracted into her fingertips, leaving inch long nails that were just as sharp. She reached up to touch my face with the pad of her finger, as if to confirm I were indeed real. Once she had done so she smiled sweetly and relaxed. "T-Thank you" she got out with some difficulty. "p-paralyzed m-me… W-will get…. B-better" she stammered, trying to speak. She scowled at herself and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. “Need…. R-rest” she said, her eyes fluttering closed. I looked to ala and sighed, it seemed like we were heading back to the lamia… again. I put in the order for two sets of five outfits plus a heavy coat in the same pattern for both of us, then We carried the sleeping girl to the lamias home once more, ala called her a manticore. She certainly looked like one, beastial traits, bat wings, a tail that…. Okay looked nothing like a scorpion tail, but terrifying nonetheless. That same tail was wrapped around my midsection and I could feel the fur of the tail brushing against my sleeves as I walked. She had her arms around my neck and I was carrying her on my back. We got a lot of glances and stares, probably because of the rarity of manticores. Ala had said it was super rare to find one, and this one even appeared to be more rare than normal, with snow leopard traits and seemingly built for the cold. She was very soft and warm, even though the fur on her arms was cut short. She had soft skin, but tough muscles hidden underneath, I found that quite attractive. “What the hell did you two do this time!” the gorgon shouted at us as we brought in the manticore. She hissed at us and stared us down with a glare that could turn one to stone- oh wait. “Yes, good evening to you too, miss mai” i said setting the manticore down on the table. The two wolves looked at her curiously “Its not even noon!” she hissed again, slithering up to us “you got into a fight with a manticore already! Im allowed to be angry!” she jabbed a finger into my chest again, pushing me back a step. “I wasnt the one who fought her, she was paralyzed by some inari” i said. The gorgon calmed down a bit and examined her. The manticore nodded back at her, though shakily. “F-fox… bad…” she choked out, twitching her lips into a smile. The gorgon sighed and pushed her hands to the manticores dirty dress, working her magic. Within minutes, the manticore could sit back up, which she did. “You two both have my deepest of gratitude” she said bowing. “That vile woman so loves to beat on me… mostly because im stronger than her but cant do anything.” she said tapping on her collar with two metallic clinks as her claws hit the metal. “Slave?” I asked looking at the collar and wondering if i could maybe get it off her. “Yes and no. I lost a bet to that accursed family, and now I work the brothels as an “exotic lay” of sorts. I should be paying back my debt… but it all goes to the brothel” she said with a sad sigh. “And how big is this debt?” I asked, thumbing through the bag of coins. “Too big for you to pay” she said waving one of her fluffy arms. “I appreciate it, but… well, if you want to thank me, come by the brothel sometime, i'll enjoy a snack such as you~” she blew a kiss and winked at me and hopped off the table and out the door. I was once again in shock, unknowing of what to say as the door swung closed. I looked to ala and she shook her head, agreeing with the manticore. “Knowing my family… its at least 1000 gold… for someone like her? Way more, perhaps ten times that.” she said with a sigh that held a bit of self loathing. “Your family?” I raised an eyebrow at that, then shook my head and placed my hand upon hers. “Well, if its a sore spot for you, ill let you tell me when you're ready” she looked up with a wry grin and shook her head. “No i'll tell you” she said “My family is a family of powerful magicians… well, thats what theyre best known for. When a kid like me is born, with no magical talent, they shun her, run her out of town. The ones that do have the talent are taught the cold conniving ways of my mother and the shrewd ways of my father. It gives them a real superiority complex” she explained. “Okay? That's why you were so far out and all, but what's that got to do with our manticore friend?” I asked, confused. “Well, the brothel? They own it, father runs it with help from mom, selling out men and exotic women to the various people of the port. A manticore, being extremely rare, is a big deal to them, so they trick her into a gambling debt that she could never afford, and lock her in. its sad, really” she said looking more and more down as she went through the story. I put my hand on her back and she looked back up. “I want to help her,” she said with fire in her eyes. “I want revenge for all that my family has done to me…. But… I cant” she said with another downcast look. “Don't worry, we’ll figure something out” i told her “in fact, i've got a plan” i said, a smile creeping across my face. Ch - 8 daughters of freya. “A mercenaries guild? Well, swords for hire” ala asked after my explanation. “That's right,” I said, leaning back against the wall. “Would be a quick way to earn some cash, saw a wanted poster on the way in, and it would be a way to gather more people with a good name.” I explained “Yeah…. Yeah that might work” she said jumping up from her seat, jumping in joy. “Hmm, what name to give it though…” I pondered over a name for the guild, but ala shot up and gave out a name Gods of war” she said, looking pleased with herself. “Like the cadence you taught me,” she explained, her tail wagging behind her. “No, but we can work in somewhere… what about arctic foxes?” I asked thinking about the possibilities of the name. “I like it” ala said nodding. “Arctic foxes” she said nodding. “What about an emblem?” she asked tilting her head. “Well, there's this” i said drawing out freya's symbol with the marker in my medical pouch on a scroll the gorgon had given me. “Its the symbol of freya, goddess of beauty from the norse mythology, since our band of swords for hire will be mostly beautiful nordic women, seems fitting to me” I explained “I love it!” she said jumping up “can we get this sewn onto our clothes?” she asked, looking at the american flag on my shoulder. “Yeah, I like that idea, shall we take the design to the seamstress and have her make a few for us?” I asked her, rolling up the scroll I had borrowed from the lamia. “We’ll be back” I called to the lamia and turned to leave. Ala hopped up to follow me out the door and we both stepped out into the snow. We went down to the docks and found the arachne's shop once more. I held the door open for ala and followed her inside. The arachne was as cheerful as ever as she waved to us from behind the large counter. “What can I do for you today?” she asked, leaning her human body over the edge of the counter. “Id like you to put these on the left shoulder of the clothes that we ordered from you, and this on the right one.” i said, handing her the paper and turning so she could see the flag on the side of my arm. We would probably cross the two for the guild itself, so other otherworlders would know what exactly we were, and perhaps get some of them to join under us. At least, that was the thought. “Right, give me a moment” she went back and got two of the tops for us, one male and one female, then got the appropriate pieces of fabric and cut them down. She expertly made a rendition of the flag in a few minutes and held it up to the one on my shoulder. Nodding she made two more and stitched them both to the shirts. They were in the exact same place as the one on my shoulder, precisely put. She cut the three half moon like pieces out of the black cloth, creating the symbol and sewing the pieces in place. "And done" she said, handing the two to us. She went back to the back to pick up two pairs of pants that had been finished and brought them back. "Go ahead and take this set, the rest are still coming along but these should do for now." She said with a smile. "Can we put them on now?" She asked, her tail swishing behind her. "Yeah sure," I said, walking off towards the changing rooms. "Thanks again!" I said over my shoulder as I shut the door. I quickly switched the uniforms out and stepped out to look in front of the mirror outside. It looked alright, same as any other uniform. When ala stepped out, however, she looked amazing. The white made her pale skin look darker, while the greens made her hair stand out against it as it flowed down her body. She was holding the armor she had worn, and was contemplating putting it on. "How do I look?" She asked, mimicking the way I wore my bdus with the collar up and buttoned up all the way. "Great" I said, looking her over. "Wonder what it'd look like with armor" I asked, picking up the chest plate and putting it to her front. "Let's find out," she said, holding it in place as I put the back plate into place. I clipped the two together, then clipped the scale sheets together, and cinched in the belt that kept it all together. She looked great with the camo and armor mixed, I could get used to seeing her like that. “Could I ask this to be your new norm?” I asked jokingly as I looked her over “Sure thing” she said with a wink. “Now whats the plan to help our manticore friend?” she asked, strapping her things to her body. “Hmm, well….” I thought about it, but nothing really Oh! Since manticores are rare, and they produce venom, we could easily sell those for a huge profit” she said, wagging her tail furiously. “Is it really that good?” I asked, looking at her with a sideways glance. “Oh yes” she purred “if drank, it has an almost salty sweet taste, and it builds a heat in the user. Its so delightfully warm, and the release you get from it is just divine. It works better on women than it does men, but even with men, its said to cause orgasam with the slightest movement.” she said, a heated blush and happy grin growing on her face as she thought about the effects of the venom. “And how much could we sell it for?” I asked, snapping her out of her little world “O-oh uh...Depends on the demand, really. Out here? It won't go for very much, possibly 10-20 per vial if your lucky. on the mainland however, you could sell it for quite a bit.” “So stock up on manticore venom with the help of our new friend?” I asked thinking about the possible prices for it. “Yeah, then take it to the mainland, come back with enough to clear her debt, and throw a hammer into my family's plans” “Shouldn't that saying be ‘throw a wrench’?'' I asked. Then i realized wrenches probably didn't exist in this world, not yet anyways “No no, im sure its hammer” she said confidently “Then how about we make it a really big hammer and buy out all the exotics they've collected via debt. We could even discreetly give them the money and they wouldn't know it was us” I suggested, my face twisting into a smirk. “Oooh! Yes, lets do it!” she said jumping up with glee “I would also like to experiment with the venom myself, shall we go discuss our plan with her?” I said, folding my clothes and putting them into my pack “You just want to go to the brothel” the inari giggled as she got her last things picked up from the changing room. “Perhaps” I said with a coy grin, starting towards the door. |
Jan 18, 2020 6:12 AM
#26
| 2 chapters in one post? Making up for the time inbetween updates I see. 😉 I might try to do the same... And not only making plans to start his own mercenary company... But also making plans to disrupt the status quo of a fairly rich and powerful local family? I see absolutely no possible negative repercussions or consequences that may occur from this plan. |
Jan 18, 2020 7:21 AM
#27
| I had some catching up to do, so here is what I noticed in your latest three chapters: - Impressive how the MC remained calm while meeting his assailants again, especially while also being duped into their medical bill. Guess seeing them as mere kids might have caused the Medusa to underestimate the seriousness of the attack. - It looks like Ala has a lovely family. Can't wait for the inevitable happy family reunion - You don't capitalize names, is there a reason for that? - Did a little bit of research on that Freija's symbol you mentioned, and I can't seem to find a conclusive answer on how it might look. Do you happen to have a link to a picture of the symbol? - "...what about arctic foxes?” I asked thinking about the possibilities of the name. Ala might be biased there :-P“I like it” ala said nodding. - Adding an American flag patch to his clothing while obviously not being in Kansas any more? Curious to see how many people they are going to meet that will recognize the flag. After all there gotta be more off-worlders that might have a clue out there Edit: grammar |
MetallumOperaturJan 19, 2020 5:21 PM
Jan 19, 2020 4:38 PM
#28
MetallumOperatur said: Did a little bit of research on that Freija's symbol you mentioned, and I can't seem to find a conclusive answer on how it might look. Do you happen to have a link to a picture of the symbol? Try this one: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/38/3d/8c/383d8cccb2eaf5d741f549d6b227395a.png |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Jan 26, 2020 4:59 AM
#29
| close, metal, i was meaning more this one https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/647263808531988502/668149692013477888/triple-horn-of-odin_design.png |
Jan 26, 2020 5:03 AM
#30
| an late again>.> i know, and next week I have a particularly big chapter in the form of a collaboration from nox. also, my favorite monstergirl is now here \o/ though not too well written... looking back on this makes me want to rewrite it all from the begining Ch 9 - into the lion's den We walked in and were welcomed by a nekomata, at least that's what ala called her. “Welcome nyaster~” she said. ‘And the cat puns begin’ i thought, sighing internally. “Hello, we would like to…. Look into the more unusual...” I struggled to find the words to say to her, so ala jumped in. “Would you happen to have any girls?” she asked, stepping in front of me and leaning across the podium that the nekomata stood behind. “Oooh! Mew want the exotics~” she purred and wrote something on the book. Ala handed her some coins and she motioned for us to follow. “This room here” she said bringing us to the room all the way down the hall and pointing us to the door. “Have fun” she said turning back and walking, the coins clinking in her large pawed hands. Ala giggled and pushed the door open with a smile on her face. The floor was covered in sand and stones, the room was well lit from a skylight and the various lamps lining the walls. Various girls lounged on large stones and soft pillows, and I had to say, they all had an exotic air to them. You know, like the whole point of the room.There was some kind of cat girl there, if I read the dancers outfit she was wearing correctly, she was of some kind of desert cat race. She looked interested in us and turned towards us, away from her conversation with the manticore. A hellhound with ashen skin, dressed in a similar dancers outfit to the desert cat. She had a serious case of resting bitch face, like my drill sergeant had. She had quite a muscular frame, not one like a bodybuilder, but one like a soldier. She most definitely caught my eye. She sneered my way when she saw my gaze, and the thought of her in a drill instructors hat fit too well. "my~ You actually came?" The manticore purred as she crawled over to us. "I'll treat you extra nice for that help you gave me~" she said, batting her eyelids as she cupped my face in her large fluffy hands. “I only wish I could get a proper hunt going” that sent a shiver down my spine and I could suddenly feel those small claws press into the side of my face and it was quite intimidating to say the least. It would not be a good plan to oppose her… but I wasn't going to submit either. On the plus side, She had soft, fluffy hands with Five fingers, humanoid In shape, but fluffy nonetheless. She sat me down against the rock wall that made the room seem like some river bed or under a waterfall. Did i mention she had fluffy hands? “Im nalta, you can moan my name whenever you're ready” she said licking her lips seductively "blake, why wouldn't we come" I said sitting down at her request. "Someone's gotta pull you out of this debt" she sat in my lap and was trying to figure out how to get my clothes off without ripping them. She hesitated a moment when I mentioned her debt, but she soon carried on "You shouldn't worry about that~" she purred, bringing her lips up to my ear. “I've got it handled, I don't need your help, its sweet though” she said running her claws through my hair. Her free hand went to my collar and she ran her hand down the blouse, unbuttoning it. It slid down and under my shirt, tracing up my stomach to draw little circles on my chest with her claws. "I won't be, it'll be you doing it. Do you know how much Manticore venom goes for?" I asked, placing my gloved hands on her shoulder and tracing the small bit of fluff around her neck, just below her collar. She was feeling me up, so might as well look the part. She jumped and let out a stronger purr as I touched the seemingly collar of fluff that she wore. It was interesting, I could still feel the nape of her neck through it, and it was soft, so fun to touch. "Might I look you over for a minute," I asked, curious about the intricacies of how a human body could become so monstrous…. Or well, vice versa "go ahead, sweetie. Touch as much as you like" she cooed into my ear, her hand sliding down my chest. With that i turned my gaze to her body once more. With the ragged dress out of the way, replaced with a simple bikini top and a loincloth, i could see more. She was definitely based off a snow leopard, with sharp claws, fluffy paw like hands, and powerful legs, her fluff and back were all covered in black rosettes. She was well built and muscular, but with enough squish to be pleasant to the touch. Her tail felt like fur covered leather, soft but with a tough skin beneath it. "About this venom business” she asked, "Just need some of your venom, we'll take it somewhere with high demand, sell it, and come back here to free you of your debts. All you need to do is fill these vials as much as you can." I told her, passing her a package of 50 slim vials. It wouldn't be easy to hide, but there was probably some place the manticore could put it. If not she could just say its a personal item… if they even let her have personal items "Hm… you sure you just don't want a taste of me?" She purred, bringing her tail around and punching it through the cork stopper. "The barbs need to pierce something, then they spray all the venom inside of it" she said, filling up the tube and pulling the spike free. "Hm, I still have more in it" she said, piercing it into another vial. It filled up that one too..she shifted it again and it filled up only half. She had four spikes, and that equated to two and a half vials per spike, so she filled 10 of the vials in one go. "Thanks" I said pocketing them "how much is your debt, anyways?" I asked, placing my hands on her hips. She jumped, but then let a low purr… an actual purr, not her seductive voice, escaped her lips. Just like a cat huh? Fifty…. Thousand" she said, melting into the petting I was giving her fluffiness on her legs. She seemed to lose composure pretty easily, perhaps this was a way to not get “hunted down” as she would seem to prefer. 'That's not too bad' I thought, looking at the empty vials. We could get her out, and with some luck, the rest of these girls too. "Mhm, we'll get you out" I said, dancing my fingers down her spine, earning a shiver of delight from the purring girl. I thought about the other feel good zones for a cat and cupped the side of her face, scratching just behind the long ears that protruded from the top of her head. Just as I was about to take it a step further, the nekomata interrupted us. "Times up~" she sang "I have nyother customers," she said, holding the door open to reveal a pair of cute looking horned mamono. I disentangled myself from the manticore and she reluctantly stood. “Im trusting you” she said. “I know, I know, we will be back, I promise,” I said, "Alright, come on ala" I said, watching with amusement as she tried to pull herself away from the sphinx "Damn your riddles" she said panting, her arms still wrapped around the sphinx's neck, intent on kissing her again. "Come on, foxy" I sighed, grabbing her by the collar and hoisting her up. She still gravitated towards the sphinx so I picked her up and carried her. She was quite heavy when you factor in that armor. I carried her through the brothel and I could feel her heated glare fixed on my face. It wasn't like I could do anything about it |
venomwolfJan 26, 2020 6:30 PM
Jan 27, 2020 6:26 PM
#31
| Ah, nice touch to have mamono from tropical/desert regions regarded as exotic here. As for the irregular posting schedule, I have two recommendations: 1) Don't sweat it. Nobody was able to post consistently throughout the duration of a story. Everyone had gaps. Just try not to let the gaps get to months long. 2) Whenever you have inspiration, use it -- and when you don't have inspiration, hard work is an acceptable substitute. Write whenever you have time and energy. Get some backlog if/when you can. And for future stories ('cause it's too late for this one), have at least your first three chapters written and edited before you post the first one. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Jan 27, 2020 6:54 PM
#32
| Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind for my next writing project, which I've got some ideas for |
Feb 2, 2020 7:53 AM
#33
| AN - another special chapter! Mostly because I have no idea what sea travel is. Not really, I needed a good place to add these characters in. on a side note, collab with nox And this chapter is especially long, so itll be split up into a few parts, dont know how many just yet, but heres the first one Ch 11 - from yellow sand to white snow 50 days ago “Fuck this desert” sergeant grace jacobs said as she looked out of the commanders hatch of the abrams. What she wouldn't do to be somewhere like greenland, with its snowy atmosphere and lush forests. “Careful” one of the voices inside the vehicle called “the desert might send its mirages after you” she giggled “As I said. Fuck. this. Desert” she said, sighing. She jolted to the right as she saw movement out of her right eye. “Contact right. gunner, swing turret right” “Copy, swinging right” the gunner said. Grace felt her weight shift as the heavy piece of metal turned. There was nothing. “Sarge, I think you're seeing those mirages I just told you about.” the voice giggled “Then you get up here and take my job” she grumbled, fixing the binoculars back to her goggles. “I think I will” the blonde gunner, corporal madison drago said, popping out of the gunners hatch, to look around, her long blonde hair tucked up under her helmet. “How's the weather, sergeant?” she asked, throwing a mocking salute as she came to rest her arms on the hot metal next to the commander of her vehicle. “Oh you know, sand, sand, heat, and more sand” she said, dipping down to reach for the canteen. She brought it to her lips then her eyes went wide in shock. She heard the low whistle before she heard the boom, and by then, a fireball had already engulfed the bottom of the turret. The ready ammo storage had detonated, engulfing the entire bottom half. She was already moving up as she watched it happen in slow motion, but it was too slow. The last thought she had was of the girl next to her, as they were both simultaneously engulfed in a fireball, something that never should have happened in one of these new age tanks. She woke up, cold, shivering, her desert multicam doing nothing to protect against the cold that surrounded her. It was mother natures biggest fuck you, what she had wanted right before her final moments, now she wanted the desert back…. Or like, some farm in alabama, that would be nice. She lay back down only to suddenly jolt awake. This wasn't the desert, this wasn't the lucky seven, and this certainly wasn't normal. She glanced around and was relieved to find madison there with her. She crawled over to her and huddled against her for warmth. She was alright dying here with madison. “You two alright?” a powerful voice boomed, they had to be somewhere near. The sergeant raised her head to find a girl in… ‘half plate? Is that what its called?’ she thought looking at the girl. She pulled her gun from her thigh holster, but it disintegrated in her hands. She was shocked, but her training didn't let her stay that way for long, Her knife came out next and it thankfully did not disintegrate. “Stay back” she said pointing the weapon at the girl. She couldn't get a good look through the blurry eyesight she had due to the cold. The girl had some weapon over her shoulder, which she lowered into a non threatening position. She then sheathed it and stepped forward, not listening to grace “I'm not here to hurt you,” she said, her voice powerful and rumbly like thunder. “I don't believe you!” she yelled at her, but she took a step closer, clearly confident that this smaller girl wouldn't hurt her. Grace wasn't small by any means, she was a well built girl, toned muscles and wide shoulders, often mistaken for a boy. She stood at 5’11, but this woman stood at 6’10 or somewhere in that area, as she towered over grace. “Calm, calm,” she said, her boots crunching the snow as she made another step towards the two girls. Madison hadn't woken up, and that worried grace even more, she was starting to panic. She had no idea what was going on, new place, new people, no gun to defend herself, and a friend whos dead asleep. “I really don't mean any harm,” she said, stepping closer once again. Now she was in stabbing range, but she still had her hands away from her body, so grace decided to believe her. That turned out to be a mistake as her arm whipped around and snapped the knife right out of her hands. “You are in no shape to fight” she said, scooping up madison and throwing her over one of her shoulders. She then picked up the struggling grace and took off at a sprint towards the city, not minding the punches she was getting at all It didn't take them very long at all for them to reach civilization. It wasn't what grace was expecting, and she stared at the dirt and lumber fortifications straight out of a tale of dragons and knights. There were fox girls and lizard girls, and that girl didn't even have any legs! “What the hell is going on here” grace asked, her voice shaky as she took in the "Welcome to ethelyn" the tall girl said, striding forward. "Where on earth are we" she asked. "Earth?" The tiger girl looked confused "oooooh, that must be where you come from. This island is asguard," she said. Grace couldn't believe her ears. She didn't want to believe her ears. All signs pointed to her being dead… but she didn't want to believe it either. That last memory… she was sure she should have been dead, same for Madison. Yet they both looked fine, not a single burn mark on them… at least, Madison did. Grace had little bits of shrapnel dotting her body and her desert camo was in tatters.'so what's going on here' she thought. She was carried into a building that was all closed up, no large open windows, not many aesthetic things, it seemed wholly practical. The tall girl opened the door and pushed her cargo inside. Grace got inside and found it to be a neat little infirmary, with light blue blankets with a white set of sheets. There weren't the normal medical tools in the room, rather there was only a kitsune… or a four tailed fox… whatever she was she was quite beautiful. She had on what could pass for a nurses outfit, and strode forward, her heels clicking as she came forward. Grace was all but captivated by her elegance, she almost forgot about the girl on the taller girls back. With a start she hurriedly rolled her off onto the bed and set her on her back. “i-I don't know what's wrong with her” she started “I don't even know where I am,” she said, watching the kitsune step forward with a soothing smile. “Itll be alright” she said. Her voice was like music tickling at graces ears, and she was starting to see why all the men fell for the nurses. The kitsune placed an ear to her chest and waved one of the three girls in the back over. All three appeared to be human, dressed in neat blue dresses and one came forward at the kitsunes beckoning. “Well, she has a heartbeat, light as it is, and her breathing is shallow… I… I don't think she's going to make it….” she said. “Do we have any mermaids blood?” she asked “No” the assistant shook her head “best thing we have is undyne water, but that wont save her from… whatever this is, its not as potent.” she said looking down at her fellow human sadly. “I suspect it might be raging demonic energy within her from the crossing of worlds” "why the hell dont we have any?!" the kitsune yelled, causing the nurse to shrink back "sorry "we used it all on that hellhounds husband yesterday" the nurse said, still looking a little scared “Are you sure!” the fox said, a growl rising in her throat “Y-yes ma’am, the only other thing I can think to do is get your mother… she might be able to create a bi to stabilize her body” the nurse said, a hint of fear in her eyes. “Do we have to resort to monste- dammit we’re losing her, you two, get over here and keep her stable, you, go get my mother, tell her its of utmost importance.” she barked out orders as a golden light enveloped her, flowing into madisons body. Grace suppressed her emotions by looking away from the fox. She had a pretty good feeling how this was going to end, and she could hardly keep from tearing up already. “You there, jinko, get that girl some undyne water, third drawer to the left” the fox said, flicking her tails towards it. The tall girl walked over to it and opened it, quickly finding what she was looking for before bringing it to grace. “Here, this will help” she said, passing the bottle to grace. She looked sceptical but downed the water, relieved to feel a soothing sensation against the burns she didn't know she had. There were metallic clinks as the shrapnel in her body pushed its way out. The jinko watched with a grimace as more wounds that hadn't been visible closed themselves. Even the scar from a knife across the bridge of her nose was healed, which was a wonderful sight to see. The jinko looked on as the luster returned to her skin. It was about that time when an eight tailed fox burst into the room in a frenzy. ‘I heard there was an injured human?” she asked in a panic, looking at the girl on the bed. “Oh gods” she said, stepping closer “She wont last much longer, we cant keep her alive… shes… I think we need to kitsunify her..” the smaller fox said “its the only way mo-” “I know! I know, alright?” she snapped, clearly racking her brain for a fix to this. “Dammit all to hell!” she cried as she waved a hand over her, pushing demonic energy into the formation of a kitsune-bi. The newly formed spirit hovered in the air for a moment before settling into madisons body. A blue flame lit above her head, slowly burning down into the shape of two ears that only the inari could see. She put her ear back to her chest and her breathing had returned to normal. “Thats better” she said, anger in her voice almost thick enough to cut. Grace stumbled forward to look at her. She saw the flaming ears and looked on in confusion “Why does she have the flaming ears….” she asked looking at the two foxes. The two looked at one another with wry smiles, now stressless and understanding the relationship between the girls. Grace turned to madison, not caring anymore. “Maddie…. Maddie! Corporal drago you will respond to me dammit!” there was a minute of silence, but it yielded nothing. Grace started to sob, but no tears ever got past her eyes, as madison reached up to brush them away before they fell. “I hear you loud and clear, sergeant” she responded, pulling their heads together with a clunk as their helmets hit. Tears were flowing freely now as she wrapped her arms around madison, happily sobbing against her. “I thought you were gone for sure” she said softly when she was calm, wiping her eyes on her sleeves “Me too, gracie, me too…” she laid back and stared at the ceiling with a sigh. “So what do we owe for this?” she asked, looking at the gathered girls and freezing. “Oh my god we’re in an isekai” she said under her breath. The foxes tilted their heads, having heard her. “Well, that went well… please, I don't want any payment for that… I know you two wont have the funds for it anyways, if you ever need me, I run a hospital In the middle of the city, drop by if you need anything. Oh but have money ready” she said with a smirk. “I'm going to need to ride my husband long and hard for the energy I spent…” she said, locking her lips and making the younger fox sputter “Mom!” she cried, covering her face as a blush spread “I didn't need to hear that!” she said pushing her mother towards the door. The kitsune laughed as she left, and the two girls were watching dumbfounded. The large tiger girl stepped forward “I am Lyra… I have a room at an inn on the edge of town, if you would like to stay with me… it'll be better than being out on your own. Two humans like you would be snapped up in a second.” she said, coming down to a knee to be level with the two. “Its out of the way out on the cliffs edge” grace thought a minute, before looking to madison. She was alive because of lyra, so… “Yes, thank you” grace said, nodding. She seemed like an alright girl and it would be rude to turn her away after she saved their lives. “Oh, your knife, grace” the girl said, handing it to her. Grace took it with a smile and sheathed it. “Thank you lyra” she said, standing up to get ready to leave. “Grace, what do you have on you…” madison asked, pointing to her now empty pistol holster. “I don't have a gun” she said worried “Mine melted in my hands, whatever brought us here fried them. Watch still works though” she said, holding up her wrist. It was one of those watches where it wound up as long as the person wearing it kept moving. It also had the additional manual wind, as well. “It melted?” madison asked, tilting her head. “Well, more disintegrated, but yes” grace nodded “What the hell have we gotten ourselves into” maddison muttered. “I… I don't know” grace responded, tilting her head down “Well, we can deal with it” madison said “at least I've got you, sergeant” she smiled at her “nothing goes wrong with you around” “Kissass” Grace smirked back at her, giving her a playful punch to the arm. “Oh I'd love to~” madison responded, giggling. That got a blush from grace, and madison broke into laughter. “Now, let me up so we can go, I would rather not impose on our helpful doctor” she said “Oh, you're not imposing” the fox said, waving her hands in front of herself and shaking her head “Thanks for the help” grace said, turning to the fox and bowing her head. “I-its really no problem” the fox said, starting to put away her things. “Well, we should get going, it will be dark soon, and a cold winter night is no place for you two” lyra said, standing up and folding her arms in front of her chest “What? You think us so weak that we can't handle a little cold?” grace shot back with a glare “Yes, I do” lyra said, holding her gaze “humans are very weak in the eyes of a mamono, you may be strong in human terms, but even the weakest mamono outclass you…. Well, only you now, I suppose. Madison will start changing, if i remember the kitsunification correctly, her body will become more attractive, she’ll be faster and stronger, but her sex drive will go up as well.” “Oh…” grace said, at a loss for words. She looked at madison worried but she just shook her head in response. “There was no other way, grace, im sure of it” she said, wrapping her arms around her. “I'm still the same maddison, no matter what.” she said. Grace wasn't convinced with the fiery tail swishing behind her, betraying her happiness. She reached out and grabbed it out of curiosity, eliciting a moan from madison. “D-don't do that” she said, pulling her tail away “Sorry” grace said before turning to the tiger girl “we are ready to go,” she said, watching madison climb out of the bed on wobbly legs. “Mh, good” lyra said before turning to the door, “follow me” Grace offered her shoulder to madison who took it with a small “thank you” and the two followed behind the tiger, still trying to wrap their heads around what they were seeing. “We’re dead, aren't we?” Madison asked, looking at a snake girl slither by looking extremely uncomfortable with the snow around them. “Probably” grace responded, looking at some girl with the traits of a panda "Hell of a place to end up" Madison chuckled, watching a pair of oni as they drank outside a bar. "Indeed" grace said, looking at the blue firelight produced by madison. The two were falling behind so they hurried to catch up with the tiger as she passed the last building for a while. They walked out in the woods and grace got a sinking feeling about this tiger girl. She may have seemed nice but she could have been luring them out here to kill them… or something. Those fears were thrown away as a small building came into view. It was the size of a mansion and built out of a dark oak wood, with logs left for aesthetic. The roofs were slanted and had multiple peaks, reminding her of the modern architecture of home. Massive windows that must have cost a fortune allowed light into the individual rooms, which were mostly covered up by a white cloth to block the view inside. There was a small stream flowing from one of the walls and a small stone bridge over it leading up to the door. The bridge was frozen over due to the winter months, same for the stream. There were vines hanging down from the entrance, giving it an almost earthy look. The tiger walked up to the door and the two shivering girls followed, glad to be inside a warm building again. They walked into a large eatery, with rows and rows of tables, again, fitting for an almost modern restaurant. There were various… people? Eating there already, they turned to the trio as they walked in, but soon returned to their food. There were two flights of stairs in front of us and a nice walkway to what appeared to be a courtyard, now filled with the snow that was falling. The tiger girl turned to the left and took the two girls to the front desk, where an… electric… weasel girl(?) stood. She was tall, 6 foot or so, with a large bust. Grace looked between her, madison, lyra, and herself then sighed, noting she had the smallest bust. “Hello deliala” lyra said, not quite smiling at her but not exactly looking displeased with her either. Her tail flicked left than right quickly, betraying the fact that she actually liked to see her. “Might I request another massage today?” she asked “Hello deliala” lyra said, not quite smiling at her but not exactly looking displeased with her either. Her tail flicked left than right quickly, betraying the fact that she actually liked to see her. “Might I request another massage today?” she asked The Raiju leaned forward showing off her cleavage while minute sparks of static raced across her bosom and up to her cheek as she took a moment to think with a purring hum. “Hm, I'm not too sure, maybe if you are fine with an after hours massage. I could probably fit you in during my free time.” "I could go for that, thanks" the jinko said, her tail swishing back and forth a bit faster now. It seemed like she really liked massages… that or she really liked this weasel girl "I assume you aren't all one race… right?" Grace asked, looking between the two girls. "Could you possibly tell me about that… and about what the hell happened that ended up with us here… wait I never asked, this isn't hell is it?" She asked, looking between the two. The tiger didn't seem to hear her so she turned to the weasel for information. “Two offworld women?” The raiju asked the tiger woman before she turned to the one raising questions. “Well, in order. Yes we are different species, Lyra is a Jinko, a mamono with traits like that of a tiger. I am a Raiju, basically a lightning weasel.” She said, pausing momentarily to show off some of her static as she drew her fingers through her hair. “As for how you ended up here, not even the lords have been able to answer that question. All we know is that humans from your world occasionally find themselves here. Sometimes they just wake up here, others remember dying in the old world. And some have even simply walked through a door from their bathroom into another mamomo’s bedroom. And no, this is not hell.” Deliala finished with a chuckle. "Oh I know how we got here" maddison giggled "Don't test me woman" grace growled back with no true anger in her voice "I seem to recall someone cursing the desert, then we got blown to smithereens right after" she said, the blue flames on her head flaring up, though only grace could see them. "Yeah well… I still think this is better" she said with a huff, turning back to the raiju. "I know what a raiju is… I'm pretty into mythology, so that brings up some interesting questions… fuck we really are in another world…" grace said scuffing her boot against the ground in an angry kick. She started to get lost in thought, so madison suddenly spoke up, the flaming fox ears on her head perking up once more. "Hey how much for one of those massages" she asked, leaning on the desk and looking up at the raiju. “Well we can offer you a roof and bed for a little while as you get your bearings, the boss was also an offworlder so he would understand. As for food and other amenities and services, we could work out maybe a temporary job deal until you are ready to move on if you lack coin.” Delaila responded as she seemed to be recalling some information. "Ah… we don't want to take up any more room than we have to. Hmm… just have extra blankets taken up to lyras room, we can sleep on the floor in there." She said thinking on it "What! No you two can take my bed, please, I'll take the floor" the jinko snapped out of her daydreaming state and quickly tried to get madison to reconsider. "Thank you, but we can sleep anywhere, part of our job in the armed forces," she said, stepping away from the desk. "Well, it was our job… speaking of, tell me a little more about that job offer, we may need it." Madison said looking over at the raiju with curiosity. Grace was still making things over, probably thinking of a way to explain this whole mess to herself. Madison gave her a sideways glance and sighed, patting her on the back comfortingly. “Well, simple things like changing sheets and delivering room service, material services I mean. Simple cleaning as well.” Delilah answered. "Hmm… yeah that should be alright while we're here… what's the pay?" Madison asked, wondering what might happen if she were to reach out and touch her. She looked over her body and didn't see any electric sparks… but then again, you didn't see arcs of lightning on electric fences, either. "Wait did you say the founder was an off worlder" grace suddenly spoke up, hitting her palms on the desk and looking up at her "is there any way we could speak to him… no sorry he's probably too busy… forget it" she said, the fire in her voice vanishing. “Pay would be room, bath and food. And I don’t think Brad would have an issue meeting with you.” Delilah replied. "oh he wouldn't?" Grace asked, brightening back up. Madison noted it wasn't like her to wear her heart on her sleeve like this, but she hoped it would go away soon. "Hmm… alright, room bath and food sounds reasonable, we'll have to work somewhere else to earn actual coin though…" Madison said mulling it over. She looked to grace and she nodded at her questioning gaze. "Yeah, well do it… I assume you're in a position to allow us to do this otherwise you wouldn't be offering, right?" Madison asked to make sure she wasn't getting her hopes up for nothing “More or less, so you two will be staying with Lyra? We charge by the room rather than by the head, so there wouldn’t be any extra charge for her. The beds are also fairly sizable, you all should easily be able to share and still have room for one or two more.” The weasel added with a coy smirk. "Oho? And would a purple haired cutie care to join us for the night? I'm sure I could think of ways to make that fair skin glow red." She purred with a wink at her. She leaned forward and undid the top button of her blouse, letting the tanned skin of her cleavage show. “I’m sure one such interested party could be found before too long.” The Raiju replied before sitting back and bringing out a ledger. “So what are your names?” "Ah, I'm Madison Drago, this is Grace Jacobs" she said, snapping back up and shaking her head. Grace looked at her weirdly but madison just laughed it off. There was something nagging at her from the back of her mind, but she couldn't tell what it was, not yet anyways. It was like a small headache almost, and that might have been what it was. Delilah wrote down the two names and then set aside the ledger. “Now then, you’ll find your room, room 11, up the stairs and down the path. If there is anything you need, please feel free to let the nearest staff know.” With her occupational obligation completed, the purple haired weasel gave a short bow and pleasant smile. "Would they really bring you if I asked?" Madison said innocently. "Alright, knock it off, mad, this isn't like you" grace said rapping her knuckles on the back of her helmet, getting a wince of pain from the girl. Grace turned to the weasel and bowed her head "thank you for your hospitality, we would like to check our room out and get settled in, but we will be back after, if you aren't busy that is." She said, grabbing madison by the hand. Her fire flared up in surprise as she was pulled away from the raiju. "See you around" she said as she walked after the two girls. She caught up quickly to the sound of the two bickering and gave them both solid thumps on the back of their heads. “Alright you two, stop fighting.” she said, sounding like a mother scolding her kids. The two winced at the hit and reached up to grab their helmets to stop the ringing. “You two sound like children… granted, In my eyes you are no more than children” Grace whips around and stares up at the jinko in shock “me? A child? At 29?” she asks raising her eyebrows “Yes” the jinko replies in a matter of fact tone “now, you two should go get cleaned up, there are some springs down there” she says pointing to the back of the compound. The two girls look at one another and then back down at their clothes. Grace looks surprised at the jinkos revelation then looks down at herself. There's blood dried to her skin that she can see under the ripped fabric, and madison was covered in sweat from her near miss with the demonic energy. She sighed and nodded to the jinko “Yeah… a bath might help me clear my mind,” she says, continuing on down the hall.”if you could pay for us, we could pay you back plus interest,” she said, turning around “Interest?” lyra asked tilting her head to the side “Oh… uh.. Its like, giving back the money we owe, plus extra money.” she explained as she walked backwards. “Mhm, though we could pay another way” madison said, slowing down to walk abreast with lyra “Well, you won't be paying, so… if you still want to repay me in the alternate way, I won't be stopping you” she purred, her eyes roaming the two girls bodies. |
venomwolfMar 7, 2020 6:08 PM
Feb 2, 2020 4:35 PM
#34
| Well, now, I see we have a side quest. This should prove interesting. I was skeptical of how quickly the ladies seemed to suss out their situation until Maddie said, "isekai." It makes sense that some people would jump to that conclusion. Now, a note on technique. This chapter features a lot of what pro writers call head-hopping -- rapidly switching between multiple points of view. Even worse, this began with what sounded like omniscient narrator before the head-hopping started. That's jarring for the reader (as in, takes them out of the story) unless it's very well done. How hard is it to do that well? Put it this way... I'm close to being a pro author, and I try to avoid head-hopping. It's better to pick one POV and stick with it. Now, if you go with first person narration you can switch between POV characters, but each switch should be accompanied by a section break. Even better if the transition is also a scene change. For an example of this done by a master see the short story "Zoo Day" by Jim Butcher. You can find it in the Brief Cases anthology. |
tygertygerFeb 3, 2020 5:22 AM
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Feb 2, 2020 4:50 PM
#35
| mn, I shall revise it to be from graces point of veiw, thanks for the advice once again, I hadnt really realized I had done it |
Feb 3, 2020 1:33 PM
#36
| Finally Caught up. First of all, obligatory great to see a new story. It's neat that you chose your starting location where none have treaded before and it's also a nice idea to have a companion that's not really into the MC. It could lead to some interesting dynamics. Although considering some of her inner monologue, Ala might just be uninterested due to bad experiences with her father. I'm curious where you'll take it. As for the last chapter, I agree with tyger that it was a little bit difficult to read, though I'm also looking forward to how this side story will impact the main story (or if it does at all) Keep it up! |
Feb 3, 2020 5:39 PM
#37
| It will soon enough, and I was actually looking at rewriting that earlier today, got some ideas on how I want to do it,its putting pen to paper that's the hard part. That said her story shouldn't change too much, I just need to make her more in line with her character, familial troubles will still be a part of it, but I do need to add some of her own prejudice |
Feb 5, 2020 3:08 PM
#38
| And I'm finally up to speed as well! Very interested to see how the meeting of all these different characters will go... 3 off-worlders. 1 being male and 2 being female. All from a military background. And all fortunate enough to acquire the assistance and guidance of very strong MG's. And I'm a little conflicted on guessing who's your favourite character but... I'm gunna go with Lyra. And yeah, I have to wholeheartedly agree with tygertyger on both the gaps between uploads and the "head-hopping" making it a little difficult to follow what's going on at times. But that's nothing some practice and adjustments won't fix. We're pretty much all doing this as a hobby so we all have room to improve! XD |
Feb 5, 2020 8:03 PM
#39
TsunamiSeeker said: woo o/And I'm finally up to speed as well! Very interested to see how the meeting of all these different characters will go... so yeah, more off worlders will be there, you'll see soon. That said I wanted some strong human girls, and my first thought went military, then I thought about It some more and the match up was better as... well, you'll see.3 off-worlders. 1 being male and 2 being female. All from a military background. And all fortunate enough to acquire the assistance and guidance of very strong MG's. That and I have a bias for military waifus>.> on top of that if fit with the story due to the characters background, that said he'll be describing things in a military manner, like the hellhound for example. And I'm a little conflicted on guessing who's your favourite character but... I'm gunna go with Lyra. who's my favorite indeed~ Lyra is deffinantly in the top counts fingers 7, top seven characters in this story.And yeah, I have to wholeheartedly agree with tygertyger on both the gaps between uploads and the "head-hopping" making it a little difficult to follow what's going on at times. But that's nothing some practice and adjustments won't fix. We're pretty much all doing this as a hobby so we all have room to improve! XD yes, this is mostly just a hobby for me... hopefully it should calm down soon enough~ |
venomwolfFeb 7, 2020 7:28 AM
Feb 8, 2020 7:40 PM
#40
| an - hey guess whos not late this time! the side story is now complete, im curious on peoples thoughts, that and more characters, woo \o/ CH - 11.5 The three continued to make small talk as they entered the hot springs. Neither of the two girls had ever been to a hot spring… or Asia for that matter, so this was their first time seeing one. Both of them stood in awe as they looked over the sparsely populated springs. There wasn't a division to male or female, instead it was just a large tub with two smaller ones off to the side. The view of the ocean was breathtaking and the moon was just starting to rise and the sun was setting. The two lights shone over the water and the cloudy sky was dyed a vibrant myriad of oranges and pinks from the sun. madison's eyes trailed over the other people in the bath, a snake woman in one of the smaller tubs, another yellow haired jinko, a pair of oni, a trio of inari, and what appeared to be a dragon. Lyra came up behind them and nudged them forward. “Come on, lets get you out of those clothes” she said gently putting her two pawed hands on the backs of the two girls. Madison nodded and immediately started to strip, despite the presence of the other people in the spring. Her desert camo went off first followed by her underclothes and she jumped into the springs. She hissed as the hot water touched her skin, but she settled into the water with a sigh. “Feels great grace, you should hop in.” she said with a smile as she motioned for her to follow. The jinko was the next to get in and grace reluctantly followed. The three sat in the water with happy smiles on their faces “Youre right” grace said sinking up to her chin as she stared out into the starry sky. The sun had fully set and the moon was up. The stars were in patterns she had never seen, and were nothing like those of the desert. “Stars are beautiful here,” she sighed. “Hooah to that” madison said, resting her head on the stone behind her “You should see the stars in asgard” someone said behind them. Madison opened her eyes and grace turned her head, both got a glimpse of a girl removing half plate armor and setting it down. She had two massive and magnificent wings sprouting from her back, with prominent muscles, the most interesting of which were where her wings connected. “Along with the northern lights, the sight is even more breathtaking” she says motioning to the ocean, giving the three a great view of her twin mountains and the interesting musculature that let her wings connect to her torso, though it was mostly hidden by her large bosom. It was very interesting to look at, but it didn't take anything away from her allure. Her wings were on her shoulders, a western depiction of the Valkyrie, but there was a second, less muscular and shorter one behind her with less prominent musculature and wings sprouting from the small of her back. Both valkyries had jet black hair and creamy skin, both very pleasing to the eye. “Mind if we join you?” the smaller one asked, not waiting for an answer as she slipped into the water next to madison. “Not at all” she purred with a lascivious smile. The fire on her head burned brighter with a tinge of pink as a blush came across her face. “I don't mind” lyra said, stretching out her legs under the water “It seems like we don't have a choice” grace laughed as the larger more muscle-bound angel slid into the water next to grace “Im grace, thats madison and lyra” she said pointing to the two respectivly “Im sava and this is odis” the smaller angel said from madisons side as she dipped her wingtips below the water line and sighed satisfactorily “pleasure to meet you” “The pleasures all ours” madison said holding out a hand which sava took and shook firmly. “What brings two humans like yourself to evelyn?” the bigger Valkyrie asked, taking a drink from a glass she had. Grace glanced back and saw the bottle odis had set on the edge of the springs. Fólkvangr was what it read, and it piqued her interest. “Ah… I don't exactly know.” grace responded, sinking further into the water. “We just sorta… appeared” “Oh otherworlders?” sava asked with a hint of hope in her voice. “Might I ask what you did in your past life?” “I was a fighter” she said simply “I assumed as much” odis said with a smile. “You've got the build and mannerisms of one” she said taking another pull from her glass. “Care for a drink?” she asked, holding out the bottle “Mannerisms? How do I take a bath like a fighter?” she asked, taking the glass and tilting it back. “Holy shit this is good” she gasped handing it back to odis. “Its the best mead on the market” she purred, taking another drink herself. She let out a sigh as she pulled the bottle from her lips. “We saw you three come in” savis explained, “you were so rigid and just… unlike most humans you see, you know” she said. There was giggling and grace glanced over to see madison engulfed in a wall of wet feathers, though the movement of the water suggested more than just hugs. The jinko was tall enough to peer over the wings, and had a blush going on, something very unprofessional for sure. She sighed in resignation and leaned back against the stone… or so she intended, instead she set her head on odis’ arm. “S-sorry” she said moving away, but the arm reached out and pulled her back, looping around her shoulder. “Aww don't be shy” the valkyrie purred, sliding her arm down the girls body and squeezing her plump rear. Grace felt her body being lifted up by the valkyrie and she somewhat fought against it, but then her warm wings wrapped around her as she was put into position on her lap. Grace blushed and tried to escape, but she was stunned into silence as she was kissed by the bigger valkyrie, the burning feeling going down her throat spread throughout her body in a warm and fuzzy feeling. “Out of curiosity do you know what manticore venom does?” odis asked with a glint in her eye as she pulled her in for another kiss. ~ “So Id like to check out this valhalla place” grace said as she sat in her room after the bath, the two valkyries were up there with them. “‘Tis a good place, both for relaxation and some training” savis said, taking a drink of her alcohol, the one that wasn't spiked with manticore venom “So I heard, and if you two are this strong it must be good” grace didn't know hands on, but mandison had told them after the fact that savis was strong as well, despite her squishy appearance. “It is, there are other humans there, some otherworlders that could help you, too” odis cut in. grace turned to madison who shrugged her shoulders “We’ll definitely check it ou-” grace started to speak but was cut off by a knock from the door. Madison got up to get the door. “H-hi…” the kitsune that had healed them before was standing there in travel clothes, clutching a satchel with a red cross emblazoned on the side. Madison invited her inside and she stepped in. “s-so to get to the point… I need to stay with you guys to instruct madison on how to control herself after the new abilities…. I-I know for you new humans its an odd thing to get around… I-I can go if you want, but i would advise against it.” she said sitting down at the small table with the others. Madisons eyes shone as she looked to grace “No” grace deadpanned “Pleaaase?” “No” “And thats where we leave off today” grace said to the three mamono. They followed up with a chorus of groans and moans of displeasure “Its late, im getting tired, and we have training tomorrow, so you all need your rest.” she said. “Don't worry, Ill tell you more tomorrow, Good night” and she left the room, the girls chattering about the story |
venomwolfMar 7, 2020 6:05 PM
Feb 9, 2020 4:56 PM
#41
| Finally we hear the name of the nation! Good to see the girls getting educated. There's a good mix of rarely used mamono types in this story, and that's way good. I hope to see a white horn at some point. :) The POV was tighter this time around -- mostly omniscient narrator, which works just fine. Do remember to capitalize names, whether of characters or places. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Feb 9, 2020 5:19 PM
#42
tygertyger said: There's a good mix of rarely used mamono types in this story, and that's way good. I hope to see a white horn at some point. :) 1. Really? These don't seem all that rare... but I am using a lot of characters, and there will be many to come, too. 2. Welllll, I can't promise anything but calvary will come into play down the line. May or may not have a few equine leaders planned |
Feb 10, 2020 8:52 AM
#43
| Definitely a much more pleasant read for this chapter. I do think you have the first use of valkyries at least, though the other mamano used don't appear especially rare. Keep up the good work! |
Feb 12, 2020 8:36 PM
#44
| Valkyries haven't been used before this story IIRC. Manticores have appeared in only a few stories, and as a regular character in only one. Ditto hellhounds. Also yetis, which haven't appeared here yet, but the climate would be a perfect fit for them. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Feb 12, 2020 8:40 PM
#45
| I wonder~ perhaps I have something planned, perhaps I dont, who knows |
Feb 16, 2020 7:58 PM
#46
| Ch12 - let valhalla’s gates open wide We stood at the gates of valhalla, and Ill be honest, it didn't really live up to the hype. There was an earthen wall with a moat around it as its main defenses, manned by angelic beings I pegged as valkyries. Two of which stood before us in half plate. They looked bored and wanted to be anywhere but here. They did perk up when I pulled back my cloaks hood though. As we walked up to them, they stepped into our path with smiles. “Greetings and welcome to valhalla, please, let us look you over for… contraband.” one of them, a white haired Valkyrie with red plate, said. She strode up to me and the one behind her, a Valkyrie with deep blue armor and emerald green hair, snickered. She walked up to ala nonetheless and patted her down. The Valkyrie patting me down seemed to get awfully touchy, as she felt around each area for a good minute. “Alright, you two are good to go” the red Valkyrie said, waving us on with a smile. Once in, we followed the main road to the town square and looked about for an inn to hold us. I saw one and made my way to it, but ala stopped me. “Look” she said, pointing to a group of scantily clad valkyries ranging from the dreaded bikini armor to egyptian dancers attire. Ala was practically drooling over it and I sighed. “Shall we go see what's going on?” she asked, the wave in her tail betraying why she really wanted to go over. “Yeah, sure,” I said, a little interested in it myself. We walked over as people started to gather. There were a lot of men here, that was the first thing I noticed. The next thing I noticed was that they were all wearing armor and had swords belted to their waists. Now that I looked at it, the valkyries all had weapons too, it was like they were getting ready for a fight. “They're sparring” ala said next to me as we got closer. The group of valkyries and men dispersed, leaving two in the middle with their swords drawn. Cheers and bets started flying over who would win. But before that, the silver haired Valkyrie facing the man spoke up. “Alright ladies! I'm sure all of you know the rules, but lets go over them for any watchers” she said throwing a glance our way “rule one, if the human lands even a single hit on the Valkyrie, she has lost. Step out of the circle, you loose. The human only gets five engagements to draw blood, if blood isn't drawn, it doesn't count as a hit. Should the humans win, the Valkyrie will be their server for the feast, and their servant for the rest of the night” she finished, drawing her sword from her hip. It was an elegant rapier, and it fit with the overall lightness of her look. Another Valkyrie wearing a green dancing outfit straight out of some egyptian movie counted them in, and the two paced circles around one another. The Valkyrie had the upper hand in both skill and sword length, but she wasn't as armored as the man. The man took two hits on his chest plate before moving in. the Valkyrie flicked her sword along his leg with a swish and he grunted in pain, but got close enough to swing his weapon. He was good by human standards, waiting for her to have her lowest guard and coming in close to neutralize her sword length advantage. He swung again but the Valkyrie kicked off his chestplate and tucked her wings in, rolling over his blade and forcing him back. “1!” the crowd cheered as the two brought their blades forward in a salute, touching to the flat sides of their blades. “Round two!” the crowd cheered, making the Valkyrie swing her blade against his marking the beginning of the fight. The two swung and parried closer this time, going all out. Scratches appeared on the mans armor and sparks flew, yet the valkyrie didn't have a single thing on her. Then all of a sudden a line of red was drawn across her stomach and her one-piece was cut in half. It fell away and fluttered to the ground, getting a cheer from the crowd once more. The man offered her his cloak and a hand to help her to the healers, probably. “Looks like fun” ala said looking to me as the next two begain “wanna try?” she asked, wagging her tail. I looked at the fight that was going on as it ended with a swift blow to the mans helmet, knocking him back into the crowd. ‘Yeah lets do it” I nodded stepping out into the circle. A valkyrie was stepping in at the same time, but she backed off when ala entered as well. “Well well, two newcomers fighting, havent seen that in a while.” one of the men said with a chuckle “Aye, tis a good change of pace,” one of the angels said. "So, same rules?" Ala asked, pulling the axe from her belt. I pulled my knife in turn, not comfortable with the short sword just yet. I hadn't even gotten to spar with it. 'Wait, nows a great time to', I thought,returning my knife to its sheath and pulling the short sword. "Sure, same conditions" I agreed, readying my short sword. It was heavier than the knife IA was used to, but it wasn't unwieldy. I held it out in a salute and she held out her axe. "Begin!" The Valkyrie in green said, waving her hand. Ava jumped back and I followed suit. We paced in circles, waiting for one of us to make the first move. "Wanna place a bet~" ava cooed, taking a step forward. "Depends" I responded, mirroring her movement. "I suspect at least one of us will get some action, be it tonight or some other" she purred, swinging her axe for my shoulder. I shifted my sword and it hit against her wooden handle, keeping it from hitting me. I could tell she wasn't really trying, her hits were too light for what was said to be the strength of a mamono… but then again, that book did say not every monster would be represented by the book. "Yeah and?" I asked, making a thrust for her chest which she sidestepped. "Loser has to watch as the winner beds their partner" she said swinging for my knee. "You're on" I chuckled, lifting my leg and kicking her axe into the ground. I pushed forward with my sword getting a shower of sparks as it glanced off her breastplate. That move got a whoop from the crowd, but it wasn't to last, as she just pulled her axe back up, and me with it. I was thrown back, and landed flat on my back in a daze. my sword was thrown from my hand and skittered off into the crowd, so i couldnt get it if i wanted to When I stood, the cobble streets of the town were replaced with sandy dirt roads. The buildings were all made of mud and clay, and there was a heat source to my right. A Humvee, burning, bodies still inside. Ahead of me, a woman with her body covered in the typical robes of the middle east, the only thing visible were her eyes. A spent rpg was at her feet to her left, and she strode forward with an axe. Odd choice for a weapon. I moved to draw my handgun, but there was nothing there. I didn't hesitate and drew my knife, charging her. She was quick, though, she lunged so fast I almost didn't see her move. I felt the knee in my stomach before I knew it, and I didn't even see the blow to the head that sent everything spiraling into darkness. an - guess whos late... again... man i thought i had it before. well, now we get down to the good stuff. valkyries, feathers, sexy times. speaking of valkyries, there sure are a lot around here.... plenty to pull into harem shenanigains. oh and this is now at the end, cause reasons. |
venomwolfMar 4, 2020 4:35 PM
Feb 17, 2020 5:18 AM
#47
| That transition at the end... very interesting. I see you've been following some bad examples concerning cliffhanger chapter endings. ;) One thing that I suspect needs an edit, as it's a pretty big logic hole as written: "if the human lands even a single hit on the Valkyrie, he has lost." Should that be she has lost? |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
Feb 17, 2020 6:01 AM
#48
| Okay, so it wasnt my intention to do that, but I'm trying to keep each chapter down in word count, ~1000-1500, I haven't checked the last few, but I did check this one... I think... And yes... I thought I fixed that>.> |
Feb 20, 2020 2:52 PM
#49
| I had a few chapters to catch up, so this will be a long post. General remarks: - You don't seem to capitalize names. Think readability will improve if you were to do so - While it is a boring chore to do, it would greatly help the readability if you were to go over the layout and punctuation a second time - You have chapter 7 and 8 posted in a single post. Might want to limit chapters to one per post for clarity, even if you release two back to back - You go from chapter 9 to chapter 11. Did you forget to upload chapter 10, or is there an error in the numbering? Chapter 11: - You mention Ethelyn. The Jinko tells them right at the beginning that they are on the island of Asgard. This is not correct as Ethelyn is in Kioko. It is a town/city right on the Kiokan side of the tripplepoint where Kioko, Elizabeth, and the sea meet - The pacing of the hospital scene is a bit fast and chaotic. Might want to add a bit more detail and have a bit more in-story time pass during the monsterization process and the hospital scene as a whole - Glad you went with an 8 tailed Inari being the one who creates a kitsune-bi by herself in a matter of seconds or minutes, wouldn't have bought it from the 4-tailed one - Given how many wounds Grace appeared to have, I'd say the undine water would have to be supplemented with some healing magic from one of the nurses/doctors - Given that it is a coastal town, the hospital of Etelyn being short on mermaid's blood would, I think, be a rare occurrence, so it could be a nice flavour detail to add where the nurse losing her shit over not having any in stock - All in all this chapter can use a bit of additional love Chapter 11.5: - Woot, the first Valkyries have been introduced! Nice to see how Madison and Grace already have completely different attitudes when it comes to the ladies they meet Chapter 12: - Your story arrives in Valhalla faster than expected, so I guess I should finally finish and release the background info on that place now. Good to see you have arrived there though! Welcome to heaven :-D |
MetallumOperaturFeb 20, 2020 3:41 PM
Feb 20, 2020 3:13 PM
#50
| While I have also posted this lore in the general MSG info thread, since it is relevant to this story, I post it here as well under a spoiler tag. As you will undoubtedly note, there are a few references to monster girl species that are not in the MGE. These are based on profiles from the various honorary monster girl competitions. The following three specific species can now be used in the MSG. 1. The Cherub by tygertyger. Link to profile. Is a very rare angel species. There are about two thousand cherubim in total in Arcadia 2. The Sun Bride by emeraltryst. Link to profile. Is an exceptionally rare angel species. There are about a thousand sun brides in total in Arcadia 3. The Seraph by metallumoperatur. Link to profile. Is a neigh extinct angel species. There are about a dozen seraphim in total in Arcadia Should you want to use another entry from one of the HMGs as a species in the MSG setting, contact me to see if the entry can be used in the MSG! Isles of Frosthaven and Asgard  History: The Isles of Frosthaven and Asgard are part of the most northern sub-archipelago of the greater Arcadia archipelago. They were settled around 15,000 years ago when a wave of angel, elemental, and snow type monster girls branched out north due to shifts in power on the mainland. The elemental and snow type girls settled in the mountains, glaciers, and tundras of Frosthaven, while the angels made the island of Asgard their home. Around 10,000 years ago, a wave of refugees came to the islands to escape the turmoil of the Dragon Wars. They mainly settled in the pristine forested foothills and coastal regions of mid and southern Frosthaven where they established a small city along the eastern coast which is to this day the islands’ main port. It did not take long for tensions to arise between the original settlers, now known as the mountain dwellers, and the refugees who were known as the coastal people. Occasionally the tensions escalated into small scale skirmishes, but it never reached the point of a full blown war. Eventually Dorothy and Yara ended these feuds by expanding their domain and subjugating Frosthaven. Dorothy proclaimed the queen of the mountain dwellers as the rightful queen to all of Frosthaven. Having no need for ancient feuds interfering with the stability of her domain, Dorothy forced the two groups to merge into one united group. While they detested this decree they ultimately had little say in the matter and thus the “unified” vassal queendom of Frosthaven was formed. Over time this forced cooperation has nurtured a small degree of understanding between the mountain and coastal dwellers, though distrust and prejudice are still very much present to this day. When Elizabeth took over as the Lord she extended an olive branch by appointing the current queen, Avala, as one of her generals and granting the vassal queendom a much larger degree of autonomy. Climate and Habitats: The Northern part of Frosthaven along with the mountains in central Frosthaven are cold icy or tundric environments. The average temperature here rests between 5 and -5 degrees C during the summer and can grow as cold as -30 degrees C during the winter. The southern half of Frosthaven and the island of Asgard are a taiga environment and are covered in dense pine forests. The average temperature during the summer can rise to around 15 degrees C while during the winter it can easily cool down to -20 degrees C. Islands, cities, and notable towns: Frosthaven: Frosthaven is the largest island of this archipelago with an area of around 41,000 km2. It has a population of around 40,000 people, the vast majority of whom live in the Southern half of the island. Most inhabitants live in small villages or towns. There are two main population centres: a small coastal port city named Midlemeath, and the palace of Freyshiem a large palace complex in the central mountains of Frosthaven that is home to queen Avala and serves as the capital of the queendom. The Port City of Midlemeath: Founded roughly 10000 years ago, it has a population of around 8000, making it the smallest city in Elizabeth’s domain. Midlemeath thrives as the only seizable port on the island of Frosthaven. It is located at the foot of the central mountain range and near the base of a large fjord. It’s harbour is well protected and remains ice free for ten out of the twelve months. During the two midwinter months trade grinds to a halt. Its primary exports are ivory, pelts, whale oil, amber, wood, and valuable high quality gems and crystals mined from the mountains of Frosthaven. The predominant architectural style in the city is Nordic / Viking. Midlemeath is the opening icon of Frosthaven. The Palace of Freyshiem: Nested in the heart of Frosthaven’s central mountain range lies the capital of the queendom where Avala, the Ice Queen resides. Freysheim is an unusual place as it is not so much a city or a town, but rather a single palace. The palace is humongous and labyrinthine. It covers a far larger area than the city of Midlemeath even though it is home to less than half as many inhabitants. One can wander around for days inside the palace without meeting a single other soul. The palace is famed for its exquisite icy beauty with richly sculpted walls and thousands of beautifully carved ice sculptures. Being made almost entirely out of ice, the palace is the perfect place for monster girls that thrive in the cold. Some parts of the palace are kept warm to accommodate the small human population living there. Freyshiem focuses mostly on administrative activities and cryomancy research. Asgard: The island of Asgard, also known as the isle of angels, is the last remaining true neutral bastion in Atalantheis that owes no fealty to any of the lords nor the Teremir council. The landscape of Asgard is idyllic with craggy mountains, snowy peaks, rolling hills, boreal pine forests, meadows, crystal clear lakes, and rushing streams. The northern part of the island is more mountainous while the southern part is more hilly. The island spans an area of about 7500 km2 and has around 20,000 inhabitants all of whom are exclusively either an angel type or human. Asgard has the highest human to mamono ratio with almost 4% of its population being human. The the twin towns of Valhalla and Folkvangr are the main population centres. Asgard was given its name by the mysterious crew of two Viking longboats that emerged from densest fog Asgard had seen in over a millennium around 1100 years ago. They were met by a cohort of mostly valkyries, cupids, and cherubim. What exactly transpired between these two groups varies greatly depending on who you ask, but the outcome of the interaction is undisputed: the angels had bet their booties and had lost. In the following weeks every angelic cherry on the island save for one was popped. It appears the angels enjoyed their “defeat”, so much that they remodelled their island and society to mimic Norse mythology as closely as possible to draw in more humans. The twin towns Valhalla and Folkvangr: The towns of Valhalla and Folkvangr are called twin towns because their populations are kept equal at all times, currently they both have almost 4000 inhabitants. Valhalla is the military centre of the island and houses large numbers of valkyries, cupids and to a lesser degree cherubim. The jarla of Valhalla is an ancient seraph called Brynhild. Valhalla is famed for its daily scenario battles between aspiring human warriors and angels, and for its feasts during the evenings and nights. Folkvangr is the administrative and relaxation centre of the island and houses predominantly houris. The jarla of Folkvangr is a seraph called Skadi. Folkvangr is famed for its hot spring spas and mead-breweries. Being stressed is outlawed in Folkvangr and the houris see to it with a militant zeal that all forms of stress are immediately relieved. Notable characters: Age: 5475 years MG: Ice Queen Bio: Avala has dark blue hair and piercing bright blue eyes. Her personality is, in every sense of the word, cold. She feels very few emotions except contempt and disgust for most things in this world. She is extremely ruthless and stops at absolutely nothing to achieve her goals, but what that goals entail is rarely clear. Rumours have it that sometimes someone comes along that can melt her icy heart and then her personality completely changes. Her contempt turns to respect and disgust to delight but only to those individuals. History: Almost nothing is known about her past except that she was once the daughter of an important individual. When she fully appeared on the island almost 5000 years ago, Avala quickly worked her way to the top. Her ruthlessness and intelligence were unyielding and within a few hundred years she sat as the assistant to the former queen. When the queen passed on with no heir, Avala claimed the throne as her own and executed all who did not agree with her within a single night that is known as the “Night of Red Snow”. Ever since that day Avala has ruled Froshaven unchallenged. Note: Avala has a soft spot for music, especially for a song called “Let it Go”. If she were to ever be challenged to a musical competition, she will undoubtedly sing this song. Age: ?? years MG: Seraph (transcended Valkyrie) Bio: Brynhild has pale light blue eyes and long, wavy, snow white hair. She has six wings that are constantly crackling with white lightning. Even though she is one of the oldest still living people in Atalantheis, she looks like she is in her late twenties or early thirties. Personality-wise she is a bit of an enigma, but those that know her might tell you that she is toweringly arrogant. Those few that know her well would tell you that it is not arrogance. The only truly personal thing that is known about her is that she has a love for hnefatafl games. Rumours have it that only after the thane of the Vikings, that landed on Asgard around 1100 years ago, had managed to beat her a thousand times in various hnefatafl games she took him as her husband. Presumably they have played well over ten thousand games before he managed to achieve that feat. History: Not much is known about Brynhild. She was a general in one of Akuma’s legions during the war of the Ancients. It was during this time that she transcended from being a mere valkyrie to a seraph. Despite having stayed loyal to Akuma to the bitter end, Brynhild was granted Asgard and independence by the prevailing lords. Since then she apparently hasn’t been doing much aside from forming and training the Winged Legion: an elite army of angels that even Kaori’s first legion dares not boast they can best. Why she was granted these privileges and honours remains one of the many mysteries surrounding the war of the Ancients. |
MetallumOperaturJun 10, 2021 2:20 PM
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