Lolita Caramel Visual Novel Thread (Latest skit:- 5)

SweetMonia said:
Ahaha~, nice ^^

Could you tell me what these grammar mistakes are? That will help me avoid them in the future :>

I think I have even more confident in writing stories now after reading that, thank you ^^

Stand_Alone_Void said:

First one
Sophie said: I will wait you right her
When you meant: I will wait for you right here

Second one
Male student 4 said: I will look for him in near the staircase
You meant: I will look for him near the staircase

Mochigi said:
Okay, here I go...
I just skimmed it, so bear with me xP

Sealuck said:
I'm not much into VN but I'll review it if I download it.

SweetMonia said:
Okay, take your time! You can always catch up to it whenever you feel like too.

Thank you Maidenu Heartu~

Sealuck said:

How do you know my deepest secret? Are you omniscient?

Vaenny said:
Quick question: have you recorded the game info at VNDB yet?

KouKunxX said:
Bossu finally finished her game! >>
I'll make sure to download\finish it today ^^

Kishmare said:
Awesome VN Monia!! The art and music are perfectt

Just some grammar issues I found... (sorry to be so nit picky >w<)



Love the VN so far, best of luck for the rest of it <3

jimanator said:
downloaded, will play in the morning

SweetMonia said:
No, it is not a full visual novel, though I didn't think I should do anything like that. :>

Vaenny said:


Why not? It seems like a good idea. It's good publicity, at least.

Kishmare said:
Awesome VN Monia!! The art and music are perfectt

Just some grammar issues I found... (sorry to be so nit picky >w<)

And grammar corrections are welcome, I will try my best to avoid them in any upcoming releases.

Here are my replies to the mistakes you referred to:- :)

You could write "There a tons of middle-class people who live a more normal life too."
Or
"There a tons of middle-class people who live more normal lives too."
I am not sure why the "are" should be omitted, but I corrected the extra "a" in my current script, nice find

SweetMonia said:
I agree, but I thought it was not a final novel, so I didn't do it. I will seriously consider adding it there :D

Kishmare said:


Gah sorry about the "are" it was 4 am, so I kind of missed some letters >w<

Vaenny said:
Perhaps when it's done then. Looking forward to the full build!

KouKunxX said:
I finished it, I loved the music choice, and the characters were super cute
It was short, but I expected it to be (since you were the only one working on it) ^^

there were a few grammar mistakes, though not going to point them out since I'm pretty sure someone already did ^^

Other than that, I really liked it
I hope to see even better stuff from you in the future, make us proud bossu! ^^

neogalactic54 said:
Just finished it!
Music was on point! I really enjoyed the main screen music, pure piano bliss
As many others have mentioned, it was short, but despite that I hope to see more installments of the VN!

mmm if I had to point out one thing, it would be the hovering sound when you hover the mouse of the main screen options; the sharp noise kind of interrupts the nice piano, so maybe more subtle or like less sharp would be nice? But that's a personal opinion, so I bet others might think its fine >.<

Oh I also had one question regarding one of the lines!
when male student 2 says:

But yep that's all i have to say/ask! Good luck in creating further installments of the vn!

SweetMonia said:
No problem, you helped me big time, so I really appreciate this :>

SweetMonia said:
Merci, it makes me happy everyone mention that they like the music, it is one of the good things about creating a visual novel :3

You are the first one on MAL to comment on that peace, I quite like it, it fits the theme of the game a lot. I hope you like my upcoming installment, which are going to be much better ^^

I agree with you with that, I made it less sharp than it originally was, but it looks like it still annoyed some people, I will see if I can do something about this.



Merci for your useful feedback neogalactic! I like your Hifumi avvy by the way :3

neogalactic54 said:

Good luck with the further installments! Thanks for the compliment :D I like your you-chan avvy too!

Kishmare said:


Just ask for it if you need any help, everyone in this amazing club is super friendly and helpful.
Good luck with the next part of the VN. ^u^/

jimanator said:
all done. i like it, it's a bit short, but you already no that.

EndofSummer said:
you made your own video game. that's so cool. looks really good. will play it when I have the chance. looks really good.

VariFox said:
Dude this seriously is friggin cool. Not even lying. I'm not one for visual novels but this is really REALLY cool. Did you draw the sprites yourself? I'm a learning graphic artist but I'm having trouble understanding (is this ironic? No clue) how to draw the eyes. I've been studying proportions and different styles, but these are great drawings if you did do them. I definitely see promise if you do choose to improve upon this!

SweetMonia said:
Thank you so much! Comments like that makes me glad I started this whole things. ^^

Yes, I drew everything myself, I surely plan to make them even better eventually, but I need to establish the world & story first ^^

The eyes are easy if you know they should be like, art is full of things like that:- Simple but not easy to replicate. As long as you keep trying with them, it will work out with you. :D

Haruka said:
Should have made it UWP

Looks great, will download and try it, and perhaps give my feedback after~

VariFox said:


Great thanks. I usually spend an hour or two everyday practicing different parts of art (anatomy, hair, etc.) and I've decided to keep a journal of my studies instead of just throwing away the piece of paper I draw on every day.

As for the world and story, I'm sure you'll have no trouble with that. In fact, along with character design, those are probably the most fun parts about creating a visual novel (in my opinion anyways).

Thanks again and I'm really excited to see more from you and this project.

Bhavik_elric90 said:
Well this is the first VN that I played >_<
And I have to say that I liked it :D
Although it felt ..ooh something new and ended pretty quickly , I kept wondering..is this a game or just a VN and you just need to read stuff? *noob question ;w;*

The music was nice but I read some people could change it? How did that happen?

Sprites could ofcourse do better reactions but still kudos! :D
Let the grammar stuff be ignored, I liked the story so far,
It was easy to follow :D

SO overall it was fun \m/

SweetMonia said:
Yes, keeping such a journal can help, an hour & two can be enough, but you may need more to improve faster. Depending how you study anatomy~

That's indeed some of the best part about it, especially the characters design part, it got me to learn things I never thought about too..

And I will do my best to make a better installment next time. I hope to see you around then. ^^

VariFox said:


Awesome, thanks for the advice. I'll be looking forward to the next installment. Are you just going to post an announcement here when it releases or what?

SweetMonia said:
You're welcome! I will announce it here, you can also follow me on Twitter or subscribe to the newsletter. :)

VariFox said:


Whoa, you've got a crazy amount of media outlets. Pretty cool.

Can you send me the link to the newsletter? I'm a degenerate and can't find it myself lol